Minilady's Diary... getting back on track

[minilady]

I know all this is none of my business but I just wanted to explain the situation from another point of view. Hope I have not offended you!

Of course you haven't offended me

Oh, about the smoking.....the first cigarette does taste yuk, doesn't it?

It did, still carried on and puffed a bit more though

My advice would be to increase exercise, drink lots of water. I had problems sleeping and did not sleep the first two days I quit. After 6 weeks it's so much easier......I recall sitting at the edge of the bed and crying at 3.00 am cause I wanted a cigarette. I just kept saying to myself, 'this is temporary and will not last forever'. I am dreading going through it all again but it is so worth it!

I have slept ok, but I do feel like I have a strange edgy energy that I need to burn up. I think you're right about the exercise. I have so got to make time for this, it's difficult I have 4 children and work, seems like any spare time I have I just want to relax. I know these are excuses, will get off my bum. Water I'm ok with, before I dieted I didn't really drink a lot, Now I always start the day with 2 pints, I got in this habit whilst on CD.

I know you can quit smoking and maintain your weight. Hang in there.....I promise it will get better.

I hope so:sigh:

Have a great day![/quote]

Thanks Michelle you're a sweetie

I hope you're feeling ok today, keep yourself busy. Has he tried to contact you again?

Take care and throw those cigs away, you don't need them or him.

Tracey
x

 

[KD]

It's a shame really, I've always felt comfortable voicing my opinions and giving encouragement in the past, and I know that other peoples posts have really helped me succeed in losing weight and facing my food issues. I think after this episode I will limit my postings to my own diary and those that know me.

Don't you dare

It's good to see people stand up for their beliefs so passionately. How boring would this forum be if we just bowed down all the time when we feel strongly about something. And besides, it was the perfect opportunity to explain the reasons why people shouldn't sell on ebay.

Many people will just assume that CDCs are against it because they may lose customers. Hopefully it's given lots of folk a better understanding of the reasons.

Day 3

Little confession

Went out with friends this evening, and missed so much but had 2 cigs

What a failure,

I have a new phrase Instead of saying "I failed" say "that was interesting, I wonder why I chose to do that".

Surprisingly only after 2 days the first one tasted nasty, so smoked half then threw it away. The second I had on my way home and took a couple of puffs, felt guilty and threw that away too.

Isn't it amazing how even when one tastes nasty we feel we must try another (just to be sure) Done it many times myself. I would think 'I just need one, then I'll be okay'. Of course, it was my addiction talking because I knew that one really equalled ten...and then another 20 a day (for me that is)

I became such an expert in restarting that I knew I had to have at least 5 before I would enjoy it again, so would struggle through the first 4, just to get that good feeling again. Then, of course, I still had 5 left in the packet. What a waste to throw them away Might aswell smoke them all and be done with it. And hey....there I was finding myself back buying another 20

I bought gum this morning and quite liked chewing that, so back on track tomorrow and a restart.

That's good :clap: I didn't like the gum. Didn't mind chewing it for a moment, but hated having to just keep it still by my gum I was allergic to the patches, but didn't mind the inhaler thingy.

Best of luck with this week Tracey. It's hard, but hey, you can do hard things

 

[minilady]

Don't you dare

It's good to see people stand up for their beliefs so passionately. How boring would this forum be if we just bowed down all the time when we feel strongly about something. And besides, it was the perfect opportunity to explain the reasons why people shouldn't sell on ebay.

Many people will just assume that CDCs are against it because they may lose customers. Hopefully it's given lots of folk a better understanding of the reasons.

I hope it has highlighted the situation, there will always be people who feel they have no responsibilities towards others, unfortunately that seems to be more and more the case:sigh: But even if it makes just 1 person think again about selling their old packs on Ebay, then a good job done I say



I have a new phrase Instead of saying "I failed" say "that was interesting, I wonder why I chose to do that".

Sounds a lot more positive than failed

Isn't it amazing how even when one tastes nasty we feel we must try another (just to be sure) Done it many times myself. I would think 'I just need one, then I'll be okay'. Of course, it was my addiction talking because I knew that one really equalled ten...and then another 20 a day (for me that is)

It is so so similar to the food addiction. That's why panic mode has set in again. To help with the food addiction I upped the smoking. Now I want to give up smoking the last thing I want to do is replace it with food again!

I became such an expert in restarting that I knew I had to have at least 5 before I would enjoy it again, so would struggle through the first 4, just to get that good feeling again. Then, of course, I still had 5 left in the packet. What a waste to throw them away Might aswell smoke them all and be done with it. And hey....there I was finding myself back buying another 20

Me too, I think I have actively tried to give up smoking about 5 times in the 10 years (I've smoked for 27 years) You have just writtenexactly what I have always done:sigh:


Not this time though KD, I have learnt a lot about myself and my addictive nature, all thanks to losing my weight and finding Minimins and of course you. I feel better prepared for battle this time

That's good :clap: I didn't like the gum. Didn't mind chewing it for a moment, but hated having to just keep it still by my gum I was allergic to the patches, but didn't mind the inhaler thingy.


I have never tried the patches. I think the gum is the way to go for me, that way I am keeping my mouth occupied and hopefully wont put too much food in it The inhalator is good also as of course I have now managed to get a great Dot Cotton Mouth, so must not let that slip

Best of luck with this week Tracey. It's hard, but hey, you can do hard things

Thanks KD :flowers:

Tracey
x

 

[help6363]

How are you going?

I hope you are well!

Yep, he tried to contact me......I am just ignoring him, as far as I am concerned we are over and there is no reason to contact me. I know that sounds harsh!

 

[minilady]

How are you going?

I hope you are well!

I'm good thanks

Yep, he tried to contact me......I am just ignoring him, as far as I am concerned we are over and there is no reason to contact me. I know that sounds harsh!

It dosent sound harsh, sounds very sensible to me!

 

[minilady]

No smoking is going ok I had a blip on Friday, but since then I haven't had another Still craving every few seconds but finding the gum a god send! I have it in my mouth constantly and have promised myself only to take it out when something healthy is on my plate, not for feel good foods. At this moment it's working

I've been thinking a lot about exercise and thanks to a prompt from Blond Logic have started a teeny exercise regime, am planning to upgrade it weekly.

I saw today a lady rollerblading along the sea front, she was moderately overweight and probably in her 50's. I thought she was great and what a fun way to exercise, so am thinking of buying some blades. This idea went down well with the kids too and they want to rollerblade with me

 

[minilady]

Feeling pretty fed up I've bought a packet of cigs and managed to smoke 8 in the last 5 hours:ashamed0005::argh:

Had a stressful day, due to being harrassed by text, and then having a blazing row over the phone This all involves my daughter who witnessed a fight and has agreed to talk to the police to give a statement, I know the victim personally and his wife is bombarding me with texts wanting to know more and more, she can't seem to understand that there is no more to tell, she feels my daughter is holding back and now wants my daughters mobile number to harrass her further

I phoned her to tell her no way was I going to give out the number and that My daughter is still willing to talk to police and tell them all she knows, apparently this isn't enough

I've also found out that this man made inappropriate suggestions to my daughter on this night, she didn't want to tell me as she knew I'd be angry. I mentioned his comments to his wife over the phone and her reaction was that he was drunk Drunk or not I'd be disgusted if my hubby did anything like that!

So with all the frustratration I've smoked and eaten a packet of chocolate digestives

Feeling pretty stupid right now, but know I'll smoke the rest of the packet, also feeling a great urge to eat. Probably everything seems worse as hubby is working away plus the fact I haven't told him about what's going on, firstly I don't want him to worry and secondly I think he may pop round and pay them a visit if he knew.

 

[KD]

Oh Tracey

. I'm sorry I wasn't around last night to give you a virtual hug

What a todo eh. My eldest witnessed a fight and now has to give evidence in court. He went yesterday but ended up sitting there all day, then it was ajourned just before he was called up He wasn't happy.

No harassment though thank goodness.

Shame about the fags, but I do understand. So what about today? Hopefully no plans to make a small blip into a big one I hope?

 

[minilady]

Oh Tracey

. I'm sorry I wasn't around last night to give you a virtual hug

Thank you that's really sweet of you I felt a lot better just typing it out.

What a todo eh. My eldest witnessed a fight and now has to give evidence in court. He went yesterday but ended up sitting there all day, then it was ajourned just before he was called up He wasn't happy.

How frustrating for him!

No harassment though thank goodness.

I think I may have put a stop to this now, after my phone call to her last night. I haven't received any further txts and also saw her this morning and she made a quick detour, so hopefully that should be the end of it. Just hoping Kim dosent bump into them.

Shame about the fags, but I do understand. So what about today? Hopefully no plans to make a small blip into a big one I hope?

mmmmm today I bought some more. But have this afternoon felt tingling in my gums, first signs of another infection My mouth had cleared up considerably but one day of smoking has started it off again! So I'm typing this chewing on my gum

Tracey
x

 

[minilady]

Chewing on the gum hasn't lasted long Have bought yet another packet More has been happening with this silly fight night episode, it transpires that the 'victim' has lied in his account to the police Police rang today and my daughter gave a brief account of events over the phone, which don't tally with the victims! Not sure what's going to happn now:sigh:


I read a thread yesterday which mentioned judding, I have heard this mentioned before but have never really understood what it was or bothered to look into it. However, the thread I read gave a brief account of it and I realised that I have been doing my own version of this to maintain. So I decided to read more about it. I was a little concerned at how I have been maintaining, but have kept telling myself everything is fine as I am actually staying at the same weight, but still a little voice was asking me if it was healthy in the long term.

I still have more reading to do and have messaged an experienced judder who has been very helpful.

Not sure if this is definately the road I want to take, but am feeling that it seems to be a route I've taken for myself anyway, so maybe at this moment in time it may be beneficial to follow the proper guidelines on judding andsee how I go.

Tracey
x

 

[minilady]

Have been too ashamed to write in diary I am still smoking and don't know how to change the blooming title of my diary! So it's there taunting me as I haven't had the will power to succeed


As for maintenance, well where do I begin. Still at goal so that's a good start I guess. But the binges have started to come thicker and faster again I have been judding and although I appreciate this works for many, I don't know if it's for me or not. I feel it's sort of giving me license to binge and then diet the next day to compensate.:sigh::sigh::sigh::sigh: When will I ever feel bloody normal

I bought a health magazine the other day and there was a big article on Binge Eating Disorder. There was a checklist to see if you could have this disorder and I checked every box:sigh: Since I've checked loads of websites about binge eating disorder and I think the way forward for me is to contact my GP and discuss this and find out if she can reccommend a good therapist that perhaps could help me, cognitive therapy seems like the way to go, but to be honest I'm scared

Tracey
x

 

[KD]

Awww tracey. It's far from easy isn't it. Bloomin' binge monster

Would be good if your doctor could recommend someone, but while you wait, you know you can do this. It's in you. Have faith in your ability to fight this. Look what you've done so far :clap:

Lost this wait. Maintained for ages. Perhaps you need to give yourself another challenge. Would that help?

Shame about the ciggies, but one problem at a time eh.:hug99:

Oh. to change the title, you need to go back to the maintaince forum page and double click just near it. I found it took a bit of practice. If you let me know what you want it to say, I'll do it for you if you can't get it to work.

 

[x-Katie-x]

Tracey get yourself to the doctors, you've got yourself to a healthy weight on your own and should definitely be entitled to some kind of help to try and ensure that you stay there. I'm sure your doctor would do the best he/she can to give you the support that you need.

 

[minilady]

Awww tracey. It's far from easy isn't it. Bloomin' binge monster

He's just as stubborn as me, but I'll beat him in the end!

Would be good if your doctor could recommend someone, but while you wait, you know you can do this. It's in you. Have faith in your ability to fight this. Look what you've done so far :clap:

Thanks for your faith. I sort of know inside that I'll stay at goal, I just don't like the way I've been going about it I have had 2 terrible binges in the past week and have to say that thinking about them is making me blush. To compensate I've near on starved myself

Lost this wait. Maintained for ages. Perhaps you need to give yourself another challenge. Would that help?

Eeeek not sure about this one. I did give myself the challenge of giving up smoking, that didn't go so well. I have just joined the gym though! So I guess the challenge is to go 3 times a week as I've promised myself.

Shame about the ciggies, but one problem at a time eh.:hug99:

I think you're right

Oh. to change the title, you need to go back to the maintaince forum page and double click just near it. I found it took a bit of practice. If you let me know what you want it to say, I'll do it for you if you can't get it to work.

Thanks Helen I managed it.

Tracey get yourself to the doctors, you've got yourself to a healthy weight on your own and should definitely be entitled to some kind of help to try and ensure that you stay there. I'm sure your doctor would do the best he/she can to give you the support that you need.

Thanks Katie I know she will, she's very good. i thought about ringing this morning, then made up a reason to put it off I will definaely phone tomorrow, it's just a bit embarrassing confessing all face to face with someone! Even my closest friends don't know about this. It's so much easier telling cyberfriends

Something I did do last night was email a hypnotherapist, another miniminer has started a thread regarding this and it got me thinking. I poured out some of my story in the email and asked if he thought he could help. He has emailed me back and has offeed me an initial meeting free of charge. Lol I haven't rung him yet, but I will.


Tracey
x

 

[minilady]

I rang the hypnotherapist I bombarded the poor man with lots of questions and I'm sure he thinks he's dealing with a complete fruit loop

He was lovely, I told him I was worried that I wouldn't be a good candidate for hypnotherapy of this kind as I find it so hard to a) relax and b) open up to strangers. I have been hypnotised before but this was for past life regression and was also performed by a friend. We have an appointment booked to talk about the problems and for him to I presume assess me as a suitable candidate and find out how best to deal with me All a bit scary!

Had a mini binge this evening but have managed to nip it in the bud before it turned into a full blown session

Today I booked a trip for hubbys birthday 4 nights in Venice in August, I can't wait!!! Just me and H, DD1 will look after the house and pets while we're away and the other smaller chilblains will stay with my Dad. The hotel looks amazing, really oldie worldie and overlooking the Grande Canal.

Also went online and booked to do the race for life in July. I've thought about it every year and never done it, mainly because I never thought I'd manage it. But this year I have no weight excuse.

Feeling more positive tonight

 

[x-Katie-x]

Wow what a day you've had! Brilliant and totally positive one there.

Great news about the hypnotherapist, funnily I'd just read the thread you mean before I came to your thread so had seen that you were considering it. It seems to be doing well for Sam so far! This kind of thing really interests me and it's definitely something I would look to doing in the future.

Well done for booking the trip - sounds heavenly ----- how lovely to be just the two of you, I'm sure you'll have a great time. I've never been to Venice but funnily enough am planning to go in July/August though probably only for the day. We're going camping for a month in the north of Italy (about 100 miles from Venice) and Venice is one of the cities we're planning on visiting.... I'll be looking out for you on the Gondola

And last but not least :clap: :clap: :clap: good on you for signing up to the race for life --- today has definitely been your day!

 

[minilady]

Wow what a day you've had! Brilliant and totally positive one there.

Great news about the hypnotherapist, funnily I'd just read the thread you mean before I came to your thread so had seen that you were considering it. It seems to be doing well for Sam so far! This kind of thing really interests me and it's definitely something I would look to doing in the future.

It's quite fascinating how quickly your mind can be influenced. I hope it's as quick for me as it's been for Sam! If I don't do something soon, I know the weight will creep back on and that just isn't an option!

Well done for booking the trip - sounds heavenly ----- how lovely to be just the two of you, I'm sure you'll have a great time. I've never been to Venice but funnily enough am planning to go in July/August though probably only for the day. We're going camping for a month in the north of Italy (about 100 miles from Venice) and Venice is one of the cities we're planning on visiting.... I'll be looking out for you on the Gondola

Lol we could go for a quick coffee!!

That's really strange you should say about the camping, we have toyed with the idea of camping in Italy too and were thinking about it this year, but hubby is off on his own to Chicago with friends they are petrol heads and into old American cars so are planning a trip down route 66 trawling breakers yards as they go! The kids and I weren't too keen on the idea, so while he's away I think we may go to cornwall for a small holiday of our own

Italy has been postponed but am hoping to go next year with the family, we love camping!!! It'll be great to hear about your holiday.



And last but not least :clap: :clap: :clap: good on you for signing up to the race for life --- today has definitely been your day!

Thanks Katie, I feel a lot better today. It all boils down to the control thing again, I felt I was losing it, but doing something positive lets you take hold of the reigns again

Tracey
x

 

[x-Katie-x]

Okay so now I want to go to Italy but also fancy the idea of going with your hubby (in the nicest way of course) along route 66 - sounds like a brilliant trip though not something I'd want to take kids on. We went to America last year and drove from San Francisco to LA to Vegas to Yosemite and then back to SF - we took 3 weeks and stopped at places inbetween, me and hubby took our 14 yr old son with us and though he was good as gold it weren't really the trip for him - think he found the travelling/car rides boring whereas me and hubby loved them ----- so this years camping is all for him (though I can't wait for it - and hopefully to be slim while there and be able to try things such as waterskiing on the lakes etc!).

As for Cornwall I love it, my b-i-l and s-i-l live there and I love visiting the --- and one of my fave places is Looe, great memories of my kids crab fishing there

 

[jane]

My dear Tracey, you have the resilience of a rubber ball. Ground down by an unintended row on line I inability to quit B the cigs one day. Now you're booking romantic breaks, hyponotherapy sessions, CBT & the racefor Life.

with this sort dynamism & determination what demon can stand a chance ?

Go for it gal. I'm right behind you (but probably only walking ).

 

[minilady]

Okay so now I want to go to Italy but also fancy the idea of going with your hubby (in the nicest way of course) along route 66 - sounds like a brilliant trip though not something I'd want to take kids on. We went to America last year and drove from San Francisco to LA to Vegas to Yosemite and then back to SF - we took 3 weeks and stopped at places inbetween, me and hubby took our 14 yr old son with us and though he was good as gold it weren't really the trip for him - think he found the travelling/car rides boring whereas me and hubby loved them ----- so this years camping is all for him (though I can't wait for it - and hopefully to be slim while there and be able to try things such as waterskiing on the lakes etc!).

I know Scott will have a wonderful time, he's never been to America (neither have I) He has a friend who is living in Chicago, they moved due to his girlfriends work 3 years ago, Although Adam comes back to blighty quite a bit, Scott has never visited him. So the plan is to stay with Adam for a couple of Days and then take Adam's clapped out campervan along the highways Lol I'm envisaging a male version of Thelma and Louse

Hey there's no 'hopefully' about it:whoopass: You WILL be slim

As for Cornwall I love it, my b-i-l and s-i-l live there and I love visiting the --- and one of my fave places is Looe, great memories of my kids crab fishing there

I love Cornwall too! The coastline is fantastic and I am fascinated by the standing stones that seem to cover the whole of the county, plus there is so much for the children. I think if I had to pick a favourite place it would be Tintagel.

My dear Tracey, you have the resilience of a rubber ball. Ground down by an unintended row on line I inability to quit B the cigs one day. Now you're booking romantic breaks, hyponotherapy sessions, CBT & the racefor Life.

with this sort dynamism & determination what demon can stand a chance ?


Lol!!! I will beat the bugger in the end

Go for it gal. I'm right behind you (but probably only walking ).

Thanks Jane, I'm so glad you're back on Mins posting again I always read your posts with a smile, perhaps you might consider opening your diary again

Tracey
x