MiniMagri's not so mini diary of a fat chef!

deluxemagri

deluxe magri
Well thought I'd jump on the wagon and start my own diary.

I find it quite therapeutic to winge to all you lot as my friends and family just don't wanna hear it - and I don't think they realise the personal battle I face everyday. And just the fact I can write it down I feel helps too.

I've tried all other diets and I just cant keep it up - not the plans fault - Mine!!

I'm opting for calorie counting as I find it easy as you can Google the calorie count in everything if you don't have it to hand.

I was always slim, through drug abuse and dancing....but the past couple of years I thought I could eat the same but I cant!! I've always worked in the restaurant business from waitress to assistant manager and kitchen porter to sous chef SO IM ALWAYS SURROUNDED BY LOTS OF TREATS.

At my present job I make all the homemade cakes, a finger in the bowl of icing is the norm! I have to try it right?? But this has turned me into a picker at work, a piece of cake here a slice of cheese there...I've tried to stop this picking now.

Have joined the gym and have been going for the past 3 weeks almost everyday for an hour and a half and I'm noticing nothing at the moment apart from the guilt....the guilt of eating when I haven't exercised, the guilt of just eating full stop. Sometimes I feel so guilty I throw it up - I am in no way bulimic, haven't even got the willpower for that!!! Just the guilt overtakes me and the fact I've gorged myself so much I can barely breath!!!

I'm in a very low place self esteem wise as I just feel I'm 27, my looks have gone and now I'm just preparing for getting old...whats the point of anything? No one actually, really gives a ****...so that depresses me more!!!

I know life is what you make it - and Im a very chipper person on the outside..just life is bringing me down, life and my eating habits...

Cant help feel that my life would be great if I was slim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Had a great start to the day special k cereal bar and tea, whilst I made the bf full english breakfast - Ive become a feeder whilst trying to loose weight - maybe if I fatten everyone else up, I wont need to exercise as much!!! lmao...

Skipped lunch - naughty - but I always feel a sense of achievement!!

Kiev chips and beans - my soul food and also went for a jog for almost an hour....leaving me with something silly like 799 cals left, but Im full to the brim...stomachs a tad bloated?

Anyway I feel today went okay....I'm not sure when I want to weigh myself, too worried....did say tommorrow, we shall see!! x
 
Some people are so judgemental?! I say my piece, but I dont slag peoples opinions off or interfere with freedom of speech..

Live and let live!!! Who are you to judge me??? Especially on this site, thought it would be unheard of!

So thats a **** start to the day!!!!!!

Lets hope the weigh-in goes a bit better....
 
what happened mini???
 
Hi

I hope everything is ok with you and your weigh-in went ok. I tend to ignore negative comments, life is hard enough. We are all on this site because we all want to lose weight, we might all have different reasons but we all want the same thing. Don't get upset by someone being negative just tell yourself that you will lose weight and most people are on here to support each other. Take care.

Cacee
 
and let us know how the weigh in goes!!
 
Hi MiniMagri,
How's it going? Hope you've not been put off coming back on here? I've only been on here for a few weeks so can't offer any sage words of wisdom other than good luck and just keep at it.
Oh one last thing, don't say we're past it at 27!! :D
Laura (26 and 15 months :D )
 
yep im 27 and three months so defo we are not past it lol!!
 
teetiefunk said:
yep im 27 and three months so defo we are not past it lol!!

Lol, I'm 50 in July, and certainly don't consider myself past it, 27 is barely past childhood to my mind. :)
 
teetiefunk said:
yep im 27 and three months so defo we are not past it lol!!

^^^ what you said! :D
 
I know I know 27 shouldn't feel that bad - but it really did!! It's like my attractive light went out and no one pays me any interest anymore!! I like to consider myself funny and one of the lads, but I thought I was quite sexy too!!! lololol......

Well the weigh in went well ish I actually started on 14stone 9lbs and in 3 weeks am now 14stone, but I put my starting weight at 14 stone on here anyway so cant add to my ticker etc lol...Gutted!!!

If you could see me now I'm just sighing with every other breath, on days like today its hard to know whats the point!!!

Anyway chin up I expect!! xx
 
9 lbs in three weeks is amazing!! i hope im saying that in three weeks!
 
9lbs in 3 weeks is pretty awesome. I know I don't know you but you seem so unnecessarily hard on yourself. Why don't you alter your stats to your true start weight then you can put your progress on? X
 
yeah alter ur stats...just so you can actually see the progress that ur making! you are doing excellent keep it up x
 
Good day to you all :)

Bloody nother wet orrible day in the uk, just makes me wanna eat!!! lol....day off today so I find it alot easier to keep up with dietry requirements as I've not got fod to hand lie in the kitchen at work, ITS SO HARD!!! I havent fallen off the wagon but I havent been too great these past few days and havent been to the gym in a week!!! have gorged on jelly babies, custard creams and gin and tonic cans....alcohol is so many calories!!!! lol

Well - must get back on the wagon!!!! xxx
 
Good luck :)
 
I can't imagine working with food all day, every now and then I do some waitressing/food preparation work for a caterer who's a friend of my grans, and it's so easy to pick at food and stuff! Since becoming a vegan it's much easier to resist eating every other bit of mozarella I'm putting into the salad , very helpful as I did a job for her last week and my lunch would have been a chicken korma made from coconut cream and ground almonds - calories galore! Seems like you're doing really well, don't beat yourself up for eating the wrong foods or binging or whatever, it happens unfortunately! xxx
 
Off the wagon.....back on....off again

Been a tough few weeks....have lost my job - and I don't even know why. Wasn't offered an explanation.

Panorama wants to get in behind the scenes in the catering industry been working out of love and passion for absolute ruthless arse holes for about ten years now!

So I've been stuffing myself, as if I'm never gonna get any food I want ever again - even now I'm thinking I want a pizza delivered!!

Watched my big fat fetish too the other day, gave me some self confidence!! lol...

I find if I watch things like 'Secret Eaters' and 'Supersize vs Superskinny' I find these really help spur me on so I'm trying to watch an episode in the morning.

I'm about to go for a walk in the beautiful sunshine...hopefully I'll sweat some off!

Peace and love to all x
 
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