missing my old life....

[flossyflo]

....of eating, drinking and socialising and I'm only on week 4.
I went to a friends emigrating party last week and drank sparkling water and missed the lovely buffet. I went for dinner with family on fri and drank water and took two packs (chilli and shake with mousse mix) so I could join in. So when I was invited out last night I said no as I just couldn't face another night of feeling deprived.
Yes I know it will all be worth it in the end but it's so hard when you feel your missing all the fun. I know it's all about mindset but I really miss the eating and drinking when I'm out.
I LOVE this diet when I'm working or home. I don't miss having a glass of chilled white when the kids go to bed (I was dreading that most lol) and I don't miss eating in front of the telly of an eve. In fact it feels bloomin' wonderful not to be a slave to food anymore.
I think I might just decline any social invites for now but that's so unfair on dh and I'll feel guilty.
What's the answer wise people?

 

[lass321]

Ha ha - not so wise person here - but I know what you mean about going out. I am only in week 3 but have missed a few social outings. I have been out a couple of times though as I don;t want to get to the end of this 'journey' and find people have given up including me in things. I go when I feel strong and so far have been happy with my soda water and haven't been tempted by the food. I don't take packs with me - as I think that would make me feel marginalised - I put a couple of bits on my plate and mash it about a bit. So far no-one seems to have noticed. Obviously my best friends know and are very supportive. Take care xxx.

 

[Blonde Logic]

Sorry you are feeling down FF.

Week 4 is still fairly early in the game for some, and you may find you will gain strength as the diet continues and you will be able to start going out again and not feel deprived. The thing is - you are not being deprived because you "choose" to do this diet. That is important to remember and one of the first lessons our LLC taught us. By choosing it to lose weight, it takes the pressure of of feeling like you are being made to do it and hence, deprivation sets it. So try and change your mind set and not view it as deprivation. After all, its just food, and it will still be there in the short time that you are done with the diet.

Perhaps if you explain to your DH that you find it difficult right now in the early days, and tell him you need his support in missing out of social events just for the time being - he could still go and make excuses for you, or he could stay home with you. Again, its only temporary.

Social gatherings are about the people. Not the food. We all forgot that along the way. Now is a good time to start seeing it that way - the food is only secondady - the real event is enjoying friends company. Forget about the food and drink.

And remember - tis only a temporary inconvenience that you have chosen to do, to give yourself the very best gift you can: health and a slim gorgeou body.

It won't be for ever, and it won;t be for long.

xx

 

[slendablenda]

Well said BL (AS USUAL!) You must have had a great LLC and Suuuuuuper group!!!!
Flossy, it's going to take a while to change the behaviour pattern we've built up over years. We always celebrate with food/drink. We reward ourselves that way too. We've all come to think it can't be fun without those things - it can you know.
Very soon it will be clear to your friends/family how you are changing and how much better you are looking and feeling. They'll become more supportive then.
In the meantime if it's easier then avoid those occasions or suggest something else.
For me, I still went to everything. At first I made excuses for not eating - like, we're going out for dinner later, I had a big lunch, got toothache, tummy bug - even, not hungry (hah!) Slim people understand all those whereas the old me would have still eaten through them all !
I didn't stop my social life because I knew it would make me feel deprived, left out and sorry for myself.
If my friends said "oh, but I'' feel AWFUL eating while you are just having water and coffee" I'd say that they were the one with the problem then , not me. They soon get used to it aslong as you don't sit there feeling sorry for yourself.
I used to have my pack before I went, not while I was out, but many others on here take their packs and ask restaurants to mix them up.
Just find what works for you. It gets easier as you go along because your motivation and confidence will grow daily.
Good luck. x

 

[flossyflo]

you're all right of course and deep down I know everything you all say is true. Sometimes I think we just need to hear it from someone else.
Thanks as always. x

 

[lucy4loop]

I'm just jealous that everyone seems to have a much more packed social life than me - I haven't been invited anywhere for the 8 weeks I've been abstinent, in fact a LOT longer than that! Where on earth did my social life go??!

 

[kathryn B]

Very wise advice on here!!
Im going out with friends on wednesday but was thinking of cancelling as I dont think i can face negative comments but after reading this thread Im going to go as I havent got a problem with people eating and dont want to miss out.
Should I tell them before I go im not eating or just face the questions when I dont order??!!

 

[slendablenda]

Lucy - it will come back. You have to have time to work on keeping your friendships going, but it is so helpful. We all need friends especially at times like you are having now.
Maybe you could re-kindle some with people you haven't seen for a while.
Another thing that happens with LL. You will find out who your REAL friends are and probably end up ditching the ones who turn out not to be so supportive or loyal.

Kathryn,
Good for you for deciding to go. I couldn't tell you what to do - whatever feels best for you - depends how well you know the people and whether you want to discuss doing LL at this stage. People can be very negative with their comments at the beginning - especially the ones who have never had to seriously lose weight and know nothing about VLCDs, until they see how successful you'll be and how determined you are.
If you don't want all that or don't feel ready to deal with it then
just make an excuse for why you are not eating.
You'll see that most people are only really interested for a moment a d then forget all about it.
I hardly told anyone until I was sure I was going to see it through.
Let us know how you get on. Good luck x

 

[lucy4loop]

Thanks Slenda - you're right. I'm in touch with my closest friends by phone/text/email etc., and we catch up during our days off when we can. It's the actual going out in the evenings I haven't done for so long. Which of course may prove a little difficult now! But not impossible - watch this space!!!