Why hello diary, it's been a while!
I'm back on S&S at exactly the same weight I started last time- 15st. I wasn't sure if I should start a new diary or stick with this one, I decided I need my history! I do need the diary though, lets hope I can stick with it better this time.
So last time I was on S&S I did well, so very well, then gave up. All the old demons came back, eating, self worth, everything. I tried again a few times, particularly keeping a wedding in mind- I lost like 4st before, for a wedding, and another very good friend got married in March and I wanted to be thinner for it. Sadly I was about 15st and it was bloody horrible, stayed a week with all these thin people and hated myself. The bride bought us all onesies as a wedding favour and we all wore them on an Easter egg hunt on the grounds of this amazing house. Didn't have the heart to tell her... she'd got me a size 14-16 and I'm a 24! I was the only one in a coat because it was tighter than skintight and I was so embarrassed.
But here's the next big thing- my amazing little sister is getting married in October 2013, and she's asked me to be a bridesmaid. big gulp. I CANNOT let her down in this, other sister is also to be bridesmaid and she's quite flakey, I'm not sure she'll even show up on time. I have to be there and I have to be happy in my skin- I have to be thinner!
Other goal is New Years, the same group of people who stayed after the wedding are going to the bride's parent's place and as it is, no way I'm going. I felt such an outsider.... if I get down, even to a 14, I'll go! I want to show them I'm not just a blob.
Ok ok... there are my reasons. I'm trying to do all the stuff that helped me lose the weight before- this diary, MFP, telling people (supportive people), and a thread on mumsnet to keep me grounded. I fail at this, I'll have to change my MN username again!
I also split from my OH recently. Not horrendous, not emotional, it was long distance but it was 4 years of my life. I was... complacent. But both of us agreed we'd never live in the same country, so many reasons it wouldn't work long-term so I'm better off BUT I'm now looking for someone at a very high weight..... grr.
anyway, off to work now, lets hope I'm back here tomorrow!
