My return to Exante....

Discussion in 'Exante' started by sandyblack, 15 August 2010 Social URL.

  1. sandyblack

    sandyblack Full Member

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    Hi everyone,

    I started Exante in May but have had a total relapse since my post saying how I was going to 'have a day off for my birthday'...

    This turned into many weeks of sticking my head in the sand and not getting on the scales.

    Truthfully, I dont think I have ever been this unhappy in my entire life. :cry::cry:
    The sole reason for this is what I weigh today. Im sure there are lots of newbies on here since I stopped Exante around mid june - so long story short - I was 10 stone at xmas and now im 14 stone.

    I cant even look in the mirror, I dont leave the house for fear of bumping into people that knew me before I gained the weight and my relationship with my OH is falling apart because of me.

    This is ALL my own doing and I have spent long enough crying about it. I have absolutely nothing to wear as everything is so so small and I wont go out and buy more things.

    I did pretty well on Exante before my massive binge (yet again) and im now heavier than what I was when I started in May. I have never weighed what I weigh now in my entire life and I feel so sick and embarrassed as to my eating problem and my behaviour. My poor poor boyfriend.

    I decided to return to exante as I need to sort my life out as at the moment I really dont have one. I have stopped all contact with my friends as im too embarassed to see them.

    Any advice from anyone would be massively appreciated. I intend to start tomorrow and stick to it but every bone in my body is telling me that I will always be unhappy and hiding indoors from now on. Why is this? Why do I treat myself this way?

    Sorry for the very negative post - I dont speak/see anyone so I guess I bottle this up all the time.

    All of you are doing brilliantly well and I am in awe of all of you on here. I just want to be able to look in the mirror again and walk out of my front door in time/have a normal life. Im tired of coming up with excuse after excuse for reasons I cant attend social stuff. Im just wasting my life now.

    Cant believe I have written all this but I think I needed to be honest with myself.xxxxxxx
     
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  3. Starlight

    Starlight Gold Member

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    Welcome back :)

    I can totally relate to everything youve said, you know from the past Exante works, give it a couple of weeks and youll see such a difference.

    I find even when Im heavier, if I know my weight is on the way down then psychologically it makes such a difference to how I feel and act.

    Good luck with your restart
     
  4. captaincollins

    captaincollins Full Member

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    Welcome back and good luck with your new jounery xx
     
  5. milkshakejunkie

    milkshakejunkie Full Member

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    hi sandyblack dont beat yourself up too much about putting the weight back on. sometimes loosing it and experiencing your lightest weight can be soo overwelming and you become soo confidence that you dont relise you slowly slip to old habits. I belive you will lose your weight again and maybe because you expereinced this loosing it and gaining it again when you do lose it again you will be very determined not to put yuorself through it again. As for your OH i know how you feel my overweight problem caused me depression and i constantly stress about my weight to my bf and i know hes sick and tired of it but i just remember that im not going to be fat in a cople months times so just keep thinking positive you did it once and youll do it again. Another thing that i do i always look on to websites like asos or riverisland and fantasise the day i get into that sexy dress and i will believe me i have faith in you good luck hun and all the best we are all here for you. xx
     
  6. Yambabe

    Yambabe Bad Girl

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    Hello again. :)

    I think you need some headology going on here matey, sounds to me like you have some clinical depression happening and have had for a while.

    You need to get your brain to realise that food is NOT the answer, in fact (as you are now realising) although it feels good at the time it's actually making things far far worse for you in the long term.

    Maybe hold off your restart for another couple of weeks, I think perhaps you need to speak to your doctor and maybe have a short course of happy pills or get booked in for some CBT counselling. Both of these could be done alongside your restart if your doc is monitoring you.

    Most of all don't despair. Some of us can slide down that slippery slope to the Dark Place far more often that outside appearances would seem to suggest, and we get to know that not only is there a path out (it just takes a bit of time and effort to find it and you may need some help) but also each time you go there you start to recognise the signs and can often put the brakes on at a much earlier stage in the proceedings next time you are heading towards the edge..........
     
  7. Dietkitty

    Dietkitty Rebel without a calorie

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    Hello my lovely, we started at around the same time back in May. I stuck to it around 90% and managed to shift almost 3 stone before my holiday, which was more than my original goal of 2.5. Well I gained some whilst away - no surprise lol - but am restarting TS tomorrow to shift another 2 stone. I refuse to go backwards after yo-yoing for 20 odd years! If I can restart tomorrow so can you!!!! I've got 2 packs of extra strong pain killers for the carb withdrawal head and we can support each other through this :)
    So what I'm saying is that this works and with your head in the right place you can do it :)
     
  8. Woozle01

    Woozle01 Full Member

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    Hi Sandyblack

    Your story strikes such a chord but try not to despair. I'm in the same place as you - lost lots then went and put 3 stone back on in the matter of months - I've got nothing to wear that's comfortable, feel like a sack of potatoes, am hiding away like you as I don't want to be seen by anyone - even people I don't know.

    But, you can change all that. I know that I can given a big effort. I'm only on Day 2 but I already feel a bit more positive just knowing that I've started and i already feel a bit more in control.

    Chin up and give it another go. So many people on here will be willing you on. Good luck with your first week back on it and just think how much better you could feel about yourself in just a few weeks. Be positive and look forward. x
     
  9. Quak

    Quak Gold Member

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    Hi again Sandyblack, Yam has a point, it does sound like there is more to your situation than just needing to diet. Is your doc approachable? Think you need to look at some kind of help to get you out of this level of despair and that will help you get back on the diet. And don't forget to talk to us, we may not have all the answers but we do have a lot of them between us.
    Bren xx
     
  10. sandyblack

    sandyblack Full Member

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    Thanks everyone,
    My unhappiness id definately a weight/food thing and ive had this for years...im 33 now and at 14 went on my first diet and it seems to be all I can think about/measure myself against.
    I just cant seem to start and commit to it!! Why is that?? I have done it before and I know it works - but its like someone else is controlling my thoughts/actions and im a spectator just watching everything crumble around me.
    Some days I think back to when I had lost all of the weight and how people were quite jealous and funny with me - I feel like ive got my just desserts now!! (pardon the pun..) Its like I was given a taste of what my life could be like and now its gone.

    Just turned down another full weekend of social stuff, a wedding and a friends birthday...I cant hide forever can I??..........

    I appreciate all of your comments and advice and I wish you could all come and give me a vigourous shake and make me understand whats wrong with me!!xxxxxxx
     
  11. sandyblack

    sandyblack Full Member

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    Oh - and as for doctors - I went a couple of years back just after my divorce as I went through a similar thing and he just gave me a photocopy of the 'weetabix diet'!!!! Great support and understanding!!!

    xxx
     
  12. Quak

    Quak Gold Member

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    Giving you a big shake <<<<<<you CAN do it!!!>>>>>>>
    Bren xx
     
  13. Toots

    Toots Gold Member

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    :hug99:

    xx
     
  14. Miss Bean

    Miss Bean Full Member

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    Aww I know how that feels, but it's ok because you will do it again.

    I haven't been on here in a while...decided to do Atkins thinking I was ready to battle food. WRONG. Completely not in the right place. Very difficult to go out and not cheat. So back it is for me tomorrow. No matter what. I have a wedding dress I can't fit in to.

    The problem with TFR is how quickly the weight goes back on....I realised its not just fat in the diet its carbs...i didn't realise how much sugar is in everything like bread etc. It's so so easy to slip in to things even when youre trying to eat heathily. Believe me I did the same thing last year.

    But you can do this, and your decision to change your habits shows that you want it. You wouldnt be on here if you didnt.

    You know in yourself what works for you...the other people - yes they may tell you they were right but you know what happened along the way to get you here and you know deep down you can get back. You will be absolutely fine I'm sure. Like Yambabe said, as long as your head is in the right place you can do anything.

    I wish you the best of luck , and as a beginner again if you ever need to rant or anything you can rant to me, I'm sure I will feel exactly the same :) xxx
     
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