I shall try and keep a record of my final struggles with development until I reach management. I think I need to do this now, writing things down can be such a cathartic process! siholog:
Realistically I will probably need between 4 to 8 weeks to get to management. I am 1stone and 11lbs away from the target weight of 10 st 8 my LLC has set me, but currently I am just trying to focus on my 1 month challenge, which will end on 3rd October 2007, at which stage I will review the situation with my counsellor. I have now lost a total of 5stones 1lbs in 19 weeks, something I would have never thought possible and I will still need to get my head around this...
As I have posted in another thread somewhere I have really been struggling the last couple of weeks, and while I didn't have a big binge I did eat on a few occasions and I have to fight with myself virtually every day not to cheat. On the plus side I had so many lightbulbs go off in the last couple of days about why/how/when I eat, the emotional triggers connected to it, that I am actually not angry at what has happened (which is something new to me as in the old days lapses would have just led to more lapses and eventually to the "I can't/don't want to do this anymore feeling). I haven't worked out any coping strategies yet, but being aware of the triggers is the first step to being able to dealing with them.
Two of the main things for me are stress and loneliness. And by loneliness I think I mostly mean feeling lonely emotionally, as physically with 3 kids bouncing around me most of the time, I am actually not really lonely. So I will need to find a way of filling this emotion of feeling lonely with something other than food, which was exactly what I was doing at the start of the week when I had that dreadful homework struggle with my daughter whilst juggling the other 2 and DH had to work late so I felt utterly alone in having to deal with this all and the food was there to quite literally fill me up... The rest of last week I managed to stay 100% and so luckily there was no weight damage done by this.
After my weigh in on Wednesday I came home and had some cheese and seeds. The weird thing was that I sort of "planned" this all day. It's really hard to explain, I was having discussions in my head about it all day, and almost made a rational decision to actually have this and then move on (if that makes sense). Even being at my meeting didn't deter me. Now I don't know whether it actually helped my emotional wellbeing but I have found yesterday a lot easier to deal with. Didn't cheat at all and even today I am just "in the zone"and am aiming for a whole week without any hickups, as I really want this to get finished asap now...
What I did yesterday was that I saved my last 2 shakes for really quite late in the afternoon/evening, as this seems to be the time when things get to me. And by the time I had them I actually felt full and satisfied and didn't even want to pick on anything. I will try and do the same thing today. And it's almost 2pm and I just realised that I haven't had my soup yet, now that has never happened before. Maybe I just have to keep on writing whenever I want to eat??? Then again, I think I am going to have my soup now...
Realistically I will probably need between 4 to 8 weeks to get to management. I am 1stone and 11lbs away from the target weight of 10 st 8 my LLC has set me, but currently I am just trying to focus on my 1 month challenge, which will end on 3rd October 2007, at which stage I will review the situation with my counsellor. I have now lost a total of 5stones 1lbs in 19 weeks, something I would have never thought possible and I will still need to get my head around this...
As I have posted in another thread somewhere I have really been struggling the last couple of weeks, and while I didn't have a big binge I did eat on a few occasions and I have to fight with myself virtually every day not to cheat. On the plus side I had so many lightbulbs go off in the last couple of days about why/how/when I eat, the emotional triggers connected to it, that I am actually not angry at what has happened (which is something new to me as in the old days lapses would have just led to more lapses and eventually to the "I can't/don't want to do this anymore feeling). I haven't worked out any coping strategies yet, but being aware of the triggers is the first step to being able to dealing with them.
Two of the main things for me are stress and loneliness. And by loneliness I think I mostly mean feeling lonely emotionally, as physically with 3 kids bouncing around me most of the time, I am actually not really lonely. So I will need to find a way of filling this emotion of feeling lonely with something other than food, which was exactly what I was doing at the start of the week when I had that dreadful homework struggle with my daughter whilst juggling the other 2 and DH had to work late so I felt utterly alone in having to deal with this all and the food was there to quite literally fill me up... The rest of last week I managed to stay 100% and so luckily there was no weight damage done by this.
After my weigh in on Wednesday I came home and had some cheese and seeds. The weird thing was that I sort of "planned" this all day. It's really hard to explain, I was having discussions in my head about it all day, and almost made a rational decision to actually have this and then move on (if that makes sense). Even being at my meeting didn't deter me. Now I don't know whether it actually helped my emotional wellbeing but I have found yesterday a lot easier to deal with. Didn't cheat at all and even today I am just "in the zone"and am aiming for a whole week without any hickups, as I really want this to get finished asap now...
What I did yesterday was that I saved my last 2 shakes for really quite late in the afternoon/evening, as this seems to be the time when things get to me. And by the time I had them I actually felt full and satisfied and didn't even want to pick on anything. I will try and do the same thing today. And it's almost 2pm and I just realised that I haven't had my soup yet, now that has never happened before. Maybe I just have to keep on writing whenever I want to eat??? Then again, I think I am going to have my soup now...