My sister is turning into a saboteur.

[Maggie_Sak]

We were talking about a lovely jacket I saw but was incredibly expensive. I said that maybe I should buy a smaller size as it would be a waste once I was slimmer. I got a look that said "yeah right, that won't happen" and she told me to instead to put the money in a bank account!

I had that with my other sister who was even worse before. Some time back when I was trying to lose weight I bought some size 12 clothes coz they were on sale, that was a year and a half ago. So I didn't lose a lot of weight and I ended up putting back everything I had lost so never got a chance to wear the clothes. About 3 months ago I was looking at them and mentioned to my other sister that I would love to finally be able to get into them by the end of the year, you should have seen the look she gave me. She was like 'you are never gonna get into those and if I were you I would give them to charity'. But now she is the first one to admit that she was wrong and is really impressed with the progress I have made so far and that I should keep it up. Can't say the same for the first sister .

 

[MadameLaMinx]

Don't give them power over you, when they say something nasty, treat it as a compliment and thank them. It infuriates people because they cant tell you 'actually i was being nasty'
When she offers KFC tell her 'thank you for the offer but I'd rather not' don't mention diet but that you don't want it.

Oh and for the ones who tell you, you've lost enough, you're looking gaunt. Thank them and tell them you've wanted someone to say that all your life/for years.

And for partners that won't support you or have been nasty about your weight before, mention how much more confident you feel and how you'll never settle for 2nd best again!

Remember people who say these things to hurt you are bullies, and they feed off misery, don't give them any!!!!!

While I agree with the majority of your post, when I went down to my lowest weight my mum said I was looking gaunt, and I just put it down to jealousy etc, but then I saw some photos of myself and actually, she was right, I was looking gaunt, and had got so thin it had really aged my face. I decided at that point to consciously gain a little and have since put about 6lb back on and look a lot healthier for it.

So yes, it might be jealousy, but equally, it might be concern or it might be the truth. When you get past being a young un, its harder for skin to retain its elasticity and so losing a bit too much weight can make you look older. Just something to be aware of, because often we don't see in the mirror what other people can see.

 

[Funky_Munky]

While I agree with the majority of your post, when I went down to my lowest weight my mum said I was looking gaunt, and I just put it down to jealousy etc, but then I saw some photos of myself and actually, she was right, I was looking gaunt, and had got so thin it had really aged my face. I decided at that point to consciously gain a little and have since put about 6lb back on and look a lot healthier for it.

So yes, it might be jealousy, but equally, it might be concern or it might be the truth. When you get past being a young un, its harder for skin to retain its elasticity and so losing a bit too much weight can make you look older. Just something to be aware of, because often we don't see in the mirror what other people can see.

My mum will always comment if I have lost weight, and I know that she is only doing it out of concern for me, as when we were teenagers one of my sisters had awful problems with an eating disorder. She will always offer me reams of cake and feed me up, but thats just her Scottish hospitality rather than trying tto sabotage me

 

[Ophycore]

Oh! It's always hard when you don't have support, everyone has made good points though.

My family have been on and off the diet for a while and I try to join them but when they go away I always falter without them around to support me! My boyfriend is pretty skinny and he can eat whatever he wants and we love to go for meals, so when I'm with him I always end up eating things I shouldn't It's my own fault really, I can't say no to free food! haha

But anyway, back on topic! Im sure there is a reason why she is doing it whether it's insecurity, jealousy or another but maybe you should use her negativity to spur you on. Work hard and do it for yourself and when you're where you need to be you can be proud that you fought off the "naysayers" and prevailed!

Also, wow on the running, I hardly exercise, me and my boyfriend go swimming and after a length I can't breathe! Well done!

 

[Showag]

I agree with what all the girls are saying and also think it could be to do with your friend not being happy with herself. Just because she is thin doesn't mean she is secure deep down and maybe seeing you changing your attitude and changing before her eyes is making her feel bad about herself and this is showing in her bad attitude.

I was really disappointed when a friends reaction to my weight loss wasn't what I thought it would be. We hadn't seen eachother in a while and she never commented on my obvious loss (I hadn't lost loads but have never been bigger than a 14 and was down to about a 10). I thought it was strange but then the next time I saw her (month or so later) she commented that I had put a bit of weight on and that I looked better than I did the last time she saw me because I was looking too thin. I love her to bits and didn't let it upset me but I still don't REALLY know where this came from, at first I thought she genuinely meant well but sometimes I'm not sure.

Anyway my point is just that I do think some people just don't like it when others close to them change. Xxx

I never fully understood how people where on here but i could relate because i would be gutted if my sister / friends were reacting how some of the ladies on here are...well..my sister in law has that trouble with her mother shes so negative, she never comments on her weight loss only her weight gain but yet shes quite a large lady so i can only put it down to jealousy? She is on SW too and has lost quite a bit but is still larger than my sister in law.. She is quite a spiteful women to be honest she makes snidey remarks about everyone in the families weight, clothing choice etc and it does make you want to jump up and slap the women around the head.

I think a lot of the negativity from people is down to jealousy or scared of change, although i have had an arguement with her mother because i mentioned to her that maybe she should be more positive and encouraging towards her daughters weight loss! all she had to say back was well ive lost more and to me she doesnt seem to have lost that much? Is there any need? Specially from her mother!!

 

[feistyfluxy]

Before she has never questioned the whole SW concept but this morning when I was measuring my milk she gave me a really funny look and asked me what I was doing. I told her I had to measure my milk so I didn't go over the limit. For porridge!!! She just treated me like i was crazy, like, why am i bothering? Yesterday she wanted to me to have KFC and when I said no, she didn't seem too happy. And when I came back from doing my 20min run for the C25k, she didn't seem too happy, she just gave me a tiny smile, like it wasn't a big deal. Hello! 5 weeks ago I couldn't run for more than a min without stopping and now I can run for 20min, I think it's a big deal. I know it's not a lot to get worked up over but this is how it starts with saboteurs. Baby steps . Have to keep strong and stay true to myself.

Sounds like jealousy. Is she the younger one? Then she isn't aware of the health issues you are battling against - it's ignorance really. I would just ignore her little comments and commit yourself to your cause, you are after all your no.1 priority - what she thinks or says about your fight has little to do with anything.

 

[Maggie_Sak]

Sounds like jealousy. Is she the younger one? Then she isn't aware of the health issues you are battling against - it's ignorance really. I would just ignore her little comments and commit yourself to your cause, you are after all your no.1 priority - what she thinks or says about your fight has little to do with anything.

No, she's older than me. Thanks for the advice. I am just concentrating on my weight loss now and just being happy. I just hope that eventually when she realises how much it means to me I will start to get some support.

 

[feistyfluxy]

No, she's older than me. Thanks for the advice. I am just concentrating on my weight loss now and just being happy. I just hope that eventually when she realises how much it means to me I will start to get some support.

I think with siblings it is hard. From her point of view, you may now be seen as a potential threat, when maybe from your point of view you want to be seen as an equal. Trust your judgement and go from there. Plus you got the forum here whenever you are hacked off and need to let off some steam or advice.

 

[Shirleen]

Whether we like it or know it we all have our place on the family, I'm actually a middle child but grew up as the eldest of three so I'm the bossy older sister, P my middle brother is the wayward trouble maker, that we all take the mickey out of (even though he's now a 40 year old father of six, and a grandad!), K is the feckless selfish youngest who is still babied by mum at age 39, and by me because I was his protector when he was a sickly child!

However I've recently been in contact with my older sister and to her I'm a kid (she's 11 years older) it's quite hard stepping out of those roles, it's even harder watching your brothers and sisters doing it. I don't think it is jealousy but insecurity, if you aren't who you've always been then who is she? Does that make sense?

 

[Maggie_Sak]

Whether we like it or know it we all have our place on the family, I'm actually a middle child but grew up as the eldest of three so I'm the bossy older sister, P my middle brother is the wayward trouble maker, that we all take the mickey out of (even though he's now a 40 year old father of six, and a grandad!), K is the feckless selfish youngest who is still babied by mum at age 39, and by me because I was his protector when he was a sickly child!

However I've recently been in contact with my older sister and to her I'm a kid (she's 11 years older) it's quite hard stepping out of those roles, it's even harder watching your brothers and sisters doing it. I don't think it is jealousy but insecurity, if you aren't who you've always been then who is she? Does that make sense?

Yeah that kinda makes sense . She is 10 years older than me and the other one is 12 years older so I know no matter how much older I get, I'm never getting out of the baby sister stage .

 

[K.T]

It's jealousy, I reckon. I love my sisters but I'm afraid their attitude is that they want me to look well/be happy/earn money/lose weight.......but not more than them!

That sounds about right!!

Maggie, hope your sister has bucked her ideas up x

 

[Maggie_Sak]

Hi everyone, it's me again. My sister is really getting on my nerves again and it's all too much. If i'm good and refuse to eat anything I shouldn't, she gets worked up about it and says things like 'it's not gonna kill you, a little bit won't hurt.' I haven't lost as much weight as I would have liked by now as I'm living with her and not working at the moment so I have to food optimize the hard way.

Just now I was watching A year to save my life USA and I made a comment about one of the scenes, she then turned around and said 'unfortunately these shows don't do anything for your motivation, it's well and good watching people losing weight on TV but you have to get up and actually do something!' Seriously!! I'm 2 sizes smaller than i was 10 months ago, I'm running 5km 3 times a week and i'm doing intense boot camp at the moment, what more am I expected to do? Is it just me? Am I being petty here? If I'm strict with my food, she's not happy and if I slack a little bit she's not happy so what exactly does one have to do? I will just keep working hard, my weightloss is really slow but it's not getting me down, she is the one that is getting me down.

 

[vanilla_cupcake]

Hi everyone, it's me again. My sister is really getting on my nerves again and it's all too much. If i'm good and refuse to eat anything I shouldn't, she gets worked up about it and says things like 'it's not gonna kill you, a little bit won't hurt.' I haven't lost as much weight as I would have liked by now as I'm living with her and not working at the moment so I have to food optimize the hard way.

Just now I was watching A year to save my life USA and I made a comment about one of the scenes, she then turned around and said 'unfortunately these shows don't do anything for your motivation, it's well and good watching people losing weight on TV but you have to get up and actually do something!' Seriously!! I'm 2 sizes smaller than i was 10 months ago, I'm running 5km 3 times a week and i'm doing intense boot camp at the moment, what more am I expected to do? Is it just me? Am I being petty here? If I'm strict with my food, she's not happy and if I slack a little bit she's not happy so what exactly does one have to do? I will just keep working hard, my weightloss is really slow but it's not getting me down, she is the one that is getting me down.

She would do my head in I hate nothing more than people commenting on my food, my weight, my motivation etc

It's your journey not hers and you need to tell her that! Tell her to butt out or you'll end up saying something you regret! Next time she goes off on one just walk away and start singing that'll really wind her up, if she knows she's getting to you she'll keep it up if you show her it's not annoying you she'll eventually give up!

Chin up girl and well done on dropping 2 dress sizes!!!

Sent from my iPhone

 

[Shirleen]

Some people really don't 'get' that they aren't helping with their 'helpful' comments.

Think up a little slogan, like Every little bit helps (I know that's Tesco) and repeat it every time she gets her knickers in a knot about you turning down a treat.

Something like
'A dripping tap eventually fills a bucket'
'Little pickers wear bigger knickers'
'A treat today makes my goal further away'

Or whatever you can think of.

My guess is she's a co-dependant enabler, she likes to be in control by keeping you from taking control.

 

[Maggie_Sak]

She would do my head in I hate nothing more than people commenting on my food, my weight, my motivation etc

It's your journey not hers and you need to tell her that! Tell her to butt out or you'll end up saying something you regret! Next time she goes off on one just walk away and start singing that'll really wind her up, if she knows she's getting to you she'll keep it up if you show her it's not annoying you she'll eventually give up!

Chin up girl and well done on dropping 2 dress sizes!!!

Sent from my iPhone

Thanks . I'm really trying to bite my tongue but I don't know how much longer I can continue to do that .

 

[Shirleen]

Read this Darl I found it quite enlightening.

http://www.*************************/weight-loss-blog/2010/03/enabling-obesity/

 

[Maggie_Sak]

Some people really don't 'get' that they aren't helping with their 'helpful' comments.

Think up a little slogan, like Every little bit helps (I know that's Tesco) and repeat it every time she gets her knickers in a knot about you turning down a treat.

Something like
'A dripping tap eventually fills a bucket'
'Little pickers wear bigger knickers'
'A treat today makes my goal further away'

Or whatever you can think of.

My guess is she's a co-dependant enabler, she likes to be in control by keeping you from taking control.

She does like to be in control, in fact even she herself has admitted that she is a control freak. Encouraging me to eat bad food and then tearing me down 2 days later, too much. I will just stay strong and keep on keeping on.