My sister is turning into a saboteur.

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by Maggie_Sak, 4 October 2011 Social URL.

  1. Maggie_Sak

    Maggie_Sak Silver Member

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    Before she has never questioned the whole SW concept but this morning when I was measuring my milk she gave me a really funny look and asked me what I was doing. I told her I had to measure my milk so I didn't go over the limit. For porridge!!! She just treated me like i was crazy, like, why am i bothering? Yesterday she wanted to me to have KFC and when I said no, she didn't seem too happy. And when I came back from doing my 20min run for the C25k, she didn't seem too happy, she just gave me a tiny smile, like it wasn't a big deal. Hello! 5 weeks ago I couldn't run for more than a min without stopping and now I can run for 20min, I think it's a big deal. I know it's not a lot to get worked up over but this is how it starts with saboteurs. Baby steps :(. Have to keep strong and stay true to myself.
     
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  3. kerryathome

    kerryathome Silver Member

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    is your sister overweight too? if she is she's maybe not at the same place emotionally as you, or maybe she's worried that you might change, maybe she sees a change in you already.

    if she's slim maybe she just doesn't understand how unhappy you've been and doesn't understand how much it means to you

    you're right, stay strong and keep taking those baby steps, I'm envious that you can run for 20 minutes lol

    you're doing fab, keep doing it for yourself xx
     
  4. LisaC

    LisaC Gold Member

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    Absolutely! Its brilliant!

    Some people become jealous, some just aren't supportive. Try not to let it get to you. You're doing great :)
     
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  5. Maggie_Sak

    Maggie_Sak Silver Member

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    She is really slim, but a while back she was a size 12 and now she's lost a bit of weight and has gone down to a size 8-10. I have always had a weight problem so maybe this is what she is used to. I think she has seen that I am doing really well and is freaking out about, I hope not though.

    Thanks :D. I can't believe it myself but yeah! It's the C25k program, the best ever. Next week I have to run for 25 min non stop, really looking forward to it. And anybody can do it if you stick to the program. :)
     
  6. Maggie_Sak

    Maggie_Sak Silver Member

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    Thanks Lisa. :D
     
  7. Showag

    Showag Full Member

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    Sorry to sound a little harsh but maybe shes worried that your going to end up just as slim? Just tell her you'd appreciate her support and keep your chin up your doing great!! :0)
     
  8. xMandyDx

    xMandyDx Determination is Key

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    I couldn't even jog for 5 mins, never mind run for 20!! Well done!
    Don't let someone else's bad attitude toward your victories get you down. You're doing this for YOU remember? Not the approval or not of other people.

    Chin up, you're doing great! x
     
  9. vanilla_cupcake

    vanilla_cupcake Silver Member

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    I have no time for people especially family members who don't support their friends, families etc in loosing weight

    I don't buy into all this...... 'maybe she's worried' 'maybe she doesn't understand' blah blah blah

    I wouldn't even waste my energy on trying to explain SW to her or even explain what you are doing, its got nothing to do with her! if she was supportive by all means explain it to her but if she doesn't give a [email protected] then why bother!

    Keep up the good work and well done on being able to run 20 minutes :)
     
  10. Maggie_Sak

    Maggie_Sak Silver Member

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    Thanks guys :). I am so proud of myself so far, I haven't lost as much as I wanted to but it's coming off and that's the most important part. And I am lot healthier than I have been in ages. If she continues I'm just gonna have to tell her off. Right now I am biting my tongue just in case I'm overacting.
     
  11. biggysmalls

    biggysmalls Too big to fail

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    confused! Ex SW, ex CC, now on FAST 5:2
    It's jealousy, I reckon. I love my sisters but I'm afraid their attitude is that they want me to look well/be happy/earn money/lose weight.......but not more than them!
     
  12. Maggie_Sak

    Maggie_Sak Silver Member

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    I hear you! I have two and I am way younger than them but I reckon sometimes they forget that. Not a lot of support coming my way.
     
  13. Funky_Munky

    Funky_Munky Put the kettle on

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    At the end of the day people generally dont like change, so when people see their friends and family doing something different they dont like it and question it.

    All you can do is ignore any comments she has to make and as for her attitude towards your run, she might not see it as the big deal you do. But you have to keep going for yourself regardless of whether anyone else around you gives you a pat on the back for it.
     
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  14. Maggie_Sak

    Maggie_Sak Silver Member

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    So true! After all I am doing this for me and nobody else ;)
     
  15. HPSaucy

    HPSaucy Will get there one day!

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    I could have wrote this myself, she doesn't want to know about the diet, never notices I've lost weight (unless it's to say something negative) and when I was doing C25K she was so horrible about it and never even congratulated me when I managed to do 5K, just couldn't understand why I'd want to run.

    Only difference is she's large herself so I consider it jealousy whereas with you your sister sounds like she's scared you'll end up losing weight and being slim like her.

    Try and ignore it, you're right to bite your tongue as you don't want her to know it's got to you, we're all here to support you x
     
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  16. Maggie_Sak

    Maggie_Sak Silver Member

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    Wow that is freaky! We could be the same person here, your life is my life :). We just have to show them right? And congratulations for completing 5K, that is a huge achievement. Have you kept up with the running then?
     
  17. Shirleen

    Shirleen Gold Member

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    Don't give them power over you, when they say something nasty, treat it as a compliment and thank them. It infuriates people because they cant tell you 'actually i was being nasty'
    When she offers KFC tell her 'thank you for the offer but I'd rather not' don't mention diet but that you don't want it.

    Oh and for the ones who tell you, you've lost enough, you're looking gaunt. Thank them and tell them you've wanted someone to say that all your life/for years.

    And for partners that won't support you or have been nasty about your weight before, mention how much more confident you feel and how you'll never settle for 2nd best again!

    Remember people who say these things to hurt you are bullies, and they feed off misery, don't give them any!!!!!
     
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  19. Showag

    Showag Full Member

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    Fab advice!! I think a lot boils down to jealous or scared of change.

    Your not asking her to do it and she can do as she pleases! Chin up ladies because at the end of the day your doing fab just trying!
     
  20. wenchie

    wenchie Silver Member

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    I've had a similar issue with a friend of mine and was given some advice that helped me when I really couldn't take the negativity any more and that was to really make a big deal to her about how wonderful and supportive a different friend was - not saying anything about her own negativity, but being very pleased and happy about how lovely this other person is.

    It didn't quite stop her in her tracks and she does still sometimes pull the negative nonsense, but it does dial it back and that helps and I don't need to be negative or accusatory or anything that might realistically put her on the defensive track - something that's very likely, I think, when her negativity is spawned from something she doesn't like in herself (worry that she'll no longer have me to be thinner than, I think).
     
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  21. Gem_bear

    Gem_bear Silver Member

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    I agree with what all the girls are saying and also think it could be to do with your friend not being happy with herself. Just because she is thin doesn't mean she is secure deep down and maybe seeing you changing your attitude and changing before her eyes is making her feel bad about herself and this is showing in her bad attitude.

    I was really disappointed when a friends reaction to my weight loss wasn't what I thought it would be. We hadn't seen eachother in a while and she never commented on my obvious loss (I hadn't lost loads but have never been bigger than a 14 and was down to about a 10). I thought it was strange but then the next time I saw her (month or so later) she commented that I had put a bit of weight on and that I looked better than I did the last time she saw me because I was looking too thin. I love her to bits and didn't let it upset me but I still don't REALLY know where this came from, at first I thought she genuinely meant well but sometimes I'm not sure.

    Anyway my point is just that I do think some people just don't like it when others close to them change. Xxx
     
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  22. Nickinoonoo

    Nickinoonoo Full Member

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    I have to agree that it's probably a bit of jealousy and a bit of difficulty dealing with change. A friend of mine who didn't know me when I was slim inadvertently offended me recently and I just had to try a take a view on it.

    We were talking about a lovely jacket I saw but was incredibly expensive. I said that maybe I should buy a smaller size as it would be a waste once I was slimmer. I got a look that said "yeah right, that won't happen" and she told me to instead to put the money in a bank account!

    It's easy to get upset because it's people telling you they don't want you to be slim, don't believe you can be slim or fear what will happen when you are.

    My friend has never had to worry about her weight. My weightloss is something she, like your sister, cannot control - change you cannot control is hard to deal with. Ultimately they need to make that change, like you but they need their own kind of support through this. It's just not weightloss support! X
     
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