Never been slim EVER - what to expect?

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by Jesca, 9 August 2010 Social URL.

  1. Jesca

    Jesca Full Member

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    Hi guys

    I'm hoping someone on here has had a similar problem...

    I am classed as severely obese, I have never been less than overweight since I was 8 years old (I'm now 32)....and I have a few concerns...

    I had a friend who lost a load of weight and lost all her friends in the process because she turned into a real b****.

    Basically she became all superior because she suddenly looked so good, and no-one wanted to be around her because she was unbearable, we kind of hoped it would get better but it got worse. In the end, despite my efforts to make her realise what was happening, I couldn't be around someone like that so I had to jump ship.

    I'm also worried because I've spent my whole life being invisible, everyone looks past me - which sounds daft at this size but true.

    So what will happen if men - for instance - suddenly start noticing me? Will I become all big-headed and unbearable and lose all my friends?

    I know all this might sound so so pathetic but it's a real worry of mine, I want to change but I don't want to become a different person in any bad way, so I'm hoping to figure it all out - I don't want anything standing in my way!
     
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  3. avisk

    avisk xx

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    The very fact that you are asking the question means the answer is "no".

    Why? - because you have the insight to realise that this does sometimes happen, which will help you guard against behaving like that.
     
  4. OzzieMoz

    OzzieMoz Keep on Truckin'

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    You are not your former friend, it seemed her shedding her pounds revealed her inner biatch. People don't suddenly become biatches they just don't bother hiding it any more, in my view. As avisk said, the very fact that you are concerned about this issue means that it's highly unlikely that it will ever happen to you.

    The fact that you are shedding pounds means that you do need to prepare yourself for people commenting, it's inevitable. So you'll need to learn to accept compliments and comments graciously.

    Good luck with it all but try to stop worrying, I'm sure you're a good person through to the core and won't become suddenly obnoxious.
     
  5. Jesca

    Jesca Full Member

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    Thanks guys, I do think I am pretty much "myself" anyway, I know some people can fall into the trap of thinking they must be jolly because they're big but that's not me, not that I'm a perpetual misery you understand lol!

    I guess having all these little fears and doubts is normal, I'm just not a person who can shove things to one side, I have to deal with things and move past them.

    I also worry that people noticing and/or complimenting will send me off track as it has in the past, I think "oh well, I don't need to worry any more". I can't let that happen this time, it's now or never for me!
     
  6. OzzieMoz

    OzzieMoz Keep on Truckin'

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    To lose weight successfully you have to be in the right frame of mind, at the right time in your life and with the best motivation. If you have that and support from the likes of the people on this forum, then there is every reason to succeed. There may be hiccups along the way, but as long as you keep focussed on your longterm goal then you'll get there! That's what I believe anyway.

    Compliments you get along the way are a validation of the hard work and commitment that you'll be putting in. Sometimes they come when you least expect them and they're great when you might be going through a disheartened phase, that happened to me recently and has given me a bit of a boost!

    I remember my late mum losing weight a few years ago and one of her brothers was concerned that she would stop being the jolly person that she was and wanted her to stop losing weight! Fat (excuse the pun) chance of that happening - the only thing that did change was that she stopped sounding like Muttley when she laughed as she stopped wheezing :rotflmao:
     
  7. krupskaya

    krupskaya Gold Member

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    You'll be fine. As someone else said, because you are aware of it you'll resist the temptation to turn into a b*tch. Don't worry lass!
     
  8. MactasticMendez

    MactasticMendez Member

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    sorry to step in on your chat but i was wondering if anyone had any experience with this from a male perspective. after loosing weight to we get a big headed etc. and with me been the size i am now when i loose the weight what will happen to all the skin, pardon the analogy but being 21 i dont want to end up looking like an old mans scrotem.


    again sorry for jumping in on the convo but unfortunatly as a man i struggle to find much general help and info in regards to wieght loss for men like there is for women unless i want to be a body builder or a top athlete.
     
  9. suepat10

    suepat10 I am one of the 63336

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    Hi Jesca

    As the others say, the fact you're asking these questions shows that you are unlikely to turn out like your ex-friend. Yes, we will all be excited and want to 'show off' out new figures, but it is possible to do it to show we are proud of ourselves, without it becoming an 'I'm better than you' speech.

    MM - sorry, not a male perspective but my general musings! At 21 your skin will still be fairly elastic so by exercising now - bit of walking/stretching etc & building up as it becomes more comfortable- it will help your skin to pull back.

    If at the end of your journey you find that you have excess skin and it is affecting you emotionally, have a chat with your doctor. Some, not all, areas will do tummy tucks on the NHS if it shows your emotional well being is affected.

    Have a look on the internet at what you can find on Brian Semple. He is a lot older than you and lost loads of weight. I met him at a class in Kent he came and spoke at after he had won his award and he doesn't appear to have 'saggy' skin.
     
  10. Lexie_dog

    Lexie_dog UNLEASHING THE BEAST!

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    My husbands already big headed, doesn't change whether he's 19 stone or 14:D Check out Mens Health, where although they have body building advice its not unreasonable Mr Universe stuff. They talk a lot about healthy diets, recipes (!) and toning. I buy it for my husband and like to have a wee read too.

    In all seriousness though, I think the shift in personality you see in some people exists because its there to start with. Its just hidden because the weight, excess weight, might make them seem less obvious?

    For example I know I get more confident when I was at a thinner, but I also know I can have *****y moments at THIS weight. I wouldn't say I got big headed when I was thin, but I would not for example, just buy something because it was black, or on sale, or "make do because anything I wear looked like a mess anyway, so what's the point?". Instead I would try stuff on, I would wait for the right size, I would not settle for things that did not reflect how I felt about my weight and my achievement, however, this did make some people question my new found confidence as *****iness and being a drama bomb. I wasn't.

    I was the same person, I just was more of me. So whilst I acknowledge that I can be an utter ***** sometimes, I can be that at any weight, BUT people DO view you differently when you have lost weight. Some positively, some negatively and some people just don't know how to view you yet at all, until they get used to you.

    I'm not saying your friend isn't a *****, I'm not saying that people don't get big headed either, but having been on the other side I would say that whilst its difficult for YOUR brain to catch up with your weight loss, it hard for other peoples too.

    But at the end of the day, you are still you, and as long as you keep a level head, you'll be fine :D
     
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  11. downsizingmycurves

    downsizingmycurves Silver Member

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    I have lost weight twice before in my life. Once when I was around 21 and I left my finance and went a bit erm *cough* wild. In truth I wasn't really ready to get married (although my fiance was absolutely lovely) but no doubt, the loss and subsequent attention went to my head.

    The second time (much later and well after two pregnancies later) it was a much lesser amount but my bigger friends B****ed about it but that time, the change in attitude was theirs, not mine. They were the sort who were always on diets but never stuck to them and it became a bit of a pack mentality by them to have subtle (and not so subtle) digs at my willpower and sucess. One of my other friends spotted their attitude before I picked up on it but she called it dead right. That time I lost weight while training for six months for an overseas charity fund raiser but still they were 'jealous'.

    This time round, I am aware of my own attitude (I am already a pretty confident person though) and that of others around me which is why I have not mentioned that I am on a diet. My family obviously know and are very supportive and others are starting to notice due to the loss but I find it best not to mention it and so far, I've just had two comments from 'saboteurs'.

    Just keep a check on yourself as you have and all will be well. :) But crikes, dont let anything put you off from suceeding, especially comments from others.
     
  12. cocktailprincess

    cocktailprincess Still rockin' it

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    Jesca- the same as you I have been overweight my entire life and all of a sudden am what is considered 'normal'. It is freaky! My brain still thinks I am fat so I automatically get uncomfortable when walking into clothes shops and gyms. I have also occasionally avoided social occasions where it involves a lot of people I haven't seen for a while because there is SUCH a fuss about my weight and looks that I just feel everyone is looking at me and my body and despite the fact that most people would love that and most of the comments are incredibly positive, I just hate such in-your-face attention. It is taking a while for my brain to catch up.

    As far as being a beatch is concerned, I am completely the same person I always was, if not, slightly quiter because I don't feel I have to be the 'bubbly' fat person anymore- I can actually just be myself. I really agree with this:

    Maybe your friend acted a little differently because everyone was different to her? I am not sticking up for her if she was a horrible person, but I have certainly found that there are a small number of women 'friends' who are quite nasty to me now and take the opportunity to be quite personal about what they think of my body, that my breasts have shrunk and I am no longer a woman and that I must be starving myself and I don't want to end up gaunt. These people are specifically nasty to me and I believe a lot of it is down to how they feel about themselves and that my losses may have highlighted some insecurities that they have.

    Please don't see this as a negative post about losing weight- it is utterly wonderful and completely liberating to be finally classed as a normal size and not to constantly worry about whether I can manage normal daily activities. And at risk of sounding like a 'b1tch'- I look soooo much better

    Good luck

    p.s. MM- I'm not a bloke, but my skin is pefect with the exception of one tiny spot on my belly that looks a bit wrinkly when I lean over - I do now do toning exercises and I lost my weight at a slow rate so I think these factors helped
    xxxxxxxxx
     
    Last edited: 10 August 2010
  13. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    There is some fantastic advice already given on here, but I didnt want to read and leave.
    Jesca as the others have said, you have already identified this problem with an ex-friend. The likelihood of this happening now to you is slim - excuse the pun there!
    Im still shy in certain circumstances and still find it hard to accept a compliment without trying to add a negative answer. I have more confidence in trying things that I have never dreamed I would have achieved previously. I've climed 2 mountains and going for the third - Ben Nevis next year. Im finally beginning to like myself after so long. I love my friends and family dearly and there is no way that I would want to ruin my relationships with any of them.

    MM - as you are 21, your skin is still pretty elasticated, so providing you exercise and eat healthily, there is no chance that you are going to have folds of skin. That was my biggest concern. Im 34, things happen a lot slower now! However, having lost 9 stone, I can truthfully say that apart from a few stretch marks (from being pregnant and at my heaviest) which have faded to silvery lines, I have no folds!!!
    Swimming is a fantastic exercise for toning things up without having to hit the gym.
     
  14. MancBird

    MancBird Always comes back to MMs!

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    What an excellent thread!

    Just like you and CP, I have never been "thin" in my life, and I am already starting to see the changes in peoples attitudes and behaviour towards me, now I have lost some weight. My 3 closest friends are all quite overweight, and have yet to acknowledge that I have lost anything - I sometimes feel like they want me to fail... we were in the pub a couple of weeks ago and one friend commented how we all shop in big shops as we are all over size 20 - I felt like screaming, I am an 18 and have worked hard to get there, I felt so hard done by!! Maybe thats a first sign of me getting too big for my boots, you have to keep yourself in check I guess sometimes!

    I am confident though that I am a good person who treats others fairly and with respect, so no matter what weight I am, I will continue to do so and hopefully receive the same in return!

    Good luck and you can always come here for support! xxxx
     
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  15. Scanbran

    Scanbran Stupid Member

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    I agree with all the above.

    The increase in confidence brought about by the weight loss may well have revealed a personality that was shielded previously by a larger frame.

    It is also possible that this person was extending herself in ways she never had before, saying and doing things she was not used to because of her size, and perhaps needs time to settle into her new shape.

    At any rate, I know for a fact having been attending SW classes for 16 years now that some people do change when they lose weight.
    It is probably the confidence thing, but the number of affairs and broken marriages I've seen and heard about through slimming is extraordinary.

    On the loose skin thing, the big thing in your favour is your age. As you are young, your skin will find it easier to 'spring back', particularly as you have not probably been overweight for 25 years. The older you are and longer you carry the weight, the more at risk you are of 'sagging' :D

    I must admit I was worried about this for a bit, but now as I get nearer, I really don't care too much. An important thing to remember is that you must get your bodyfat percentage down quite low (about 12-14%) to really be sure you have loose skin, or just some remaining fat. This is the level at which your 'six pack' will start to reveal itself, so you can't be sure you'll be left with loose skin until that point.

    Also, the rate you lose the weight will affect your skin. Slower the better, giving the skin a chance to contract over your new size gradually, and also it helps to replace some of the space left while you slim with muscle, which can help fill out your skin, and avoids the 'skinny fat person' syndrome that affects some people (this is where they lose weight fine and get a healthy BMI, but their bodyfat percentage is over 25% for example, meaning that they have actually lose lean mass - muscle).

    Sorry for the ramble :eek:
     
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  16. Chicaloca

    Chicaloca Silver Member

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    Brilliant brilliant thread! My only advice really is to worry about that, when it happens! Concentrate on getting to target, apply all focus on this and the rest will slot into place, I hope, as and when it happens.
     
  17. Jesca

    Jesca Full Member

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    Thanks so much to everyone for their replies, you're all so great on this forum, what great luck I googled....erm *can't remember*....and accidentally found this site!
     
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  19. *EB*

    *EB* Gold Member

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    I have never been slim since leaving school - so ALL of my adult life....i think i got to about where i am now, but the weight soon piled back on once i stopped going to a slimming class (the dreaded WW!) so i think your thread is a great reminder i am not alone!!!

    I dont think i will change - i am just me, maybe be a little more confident, but i am already quite bubbly (is that a word for a fun fat person?!) so i mean confident in my appearance, not myself!

    x
     
  20. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    Interesting thread!

    I lost a LOT of weight once before and while it didn't turn me into a *****, (I hope!) I was a bit conscious of the fact that if I showed that I was pleased with my achievements, particularly with people who were overweight, it might come across as being a bit smug and holier than thou. I certainly didn't mean it to come across like that but I guess it might have sometimes.

    I am conscious of the fact that sometimes now I might do it too, even though I am nowhere near target. I am so happy with the SW plan I just think everyone should be doing it and so probably offer a bit too much unsolicited advice and gushing compliments on the subject.

    I should just shut up altogether really :D
     
  21. *EB*

    *EB* Gold Member

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    Totally agree - i did a thread about this a while back - i think i called it - 'i am a slimming world bore' cos i just chat all day about how wondrus it is - :phah! x
     
  22. cheekychinchilla

    cheekychinchilla Gold Member

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    No advice really because everyone's posts have been fantastic. Just wanted to say thank you for starting the thread, it's fantastic :D
     
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