Hi everyone,
I guess I'm just looking to hear from and speak to some like-minded people. My weight has dominated my entire life and I'm so fed up.
I've always been overweight, right from childhood. When I was 18 I reached 16st 7lbs stone and decided enough was enough. I joined WW that year, knuckled down to it straight away and managed to get down to 12st 3lbs within 8 months - not my goal weight but pretty darn close. I kinda drifted away from WW but I maintained that weight for about 6 months.
I was really happy at that time, of course I would have liked to lose a few more pounds but I was the lightest I'd been in a long time.
Unfortunately I ended up in an abusive relationship for 18 months, which I managed to get out of at the start of this year. Looking back now I can see the destruction caused to myself while it was going on. I've gone from 12st 3lbs to 18st within less than 2 years. I was constantly told I was fat and ugly, a freak, a weirdo etc, my self-confidence was rock-bottom and I'm only just starting to pick up the pieces of myself. I sought major comfort in food, and if I ever mustered up the courage to start a diet it was quickly sabotaged, to the point where I gave up even caring and just ate and ate.
I was so depressed I would stuff food in my mouth until my stomach absolutely ached with pain every single day - I guess that was my version of self-harm. I could barely leave the house because the moment I walked out of the front door I felt like EVERYONE was looking at me, looking at how fat I was and what a failure I was for gaining all the weight back. I was scared to even answer the door. I suffered anxiety attacks and ended up with serious social paranoia which I've just started battling in the past couple of months.
Since January I've been slowly getting my life back together, and now it's time to do something about my weight, the remaining part of my former life that is getting me down. I was in serious denial about my weight gain until yesterday morning when I mustered up the courage to step on the scales and saw 18stone
The weight gain sort of feels like it's happened overnight because my memory is already turning the past 18 months in a blur for me. I can still remember how I felt when I was 12st 3lbs, and I still own all my 'skinny' clothes.
I'm starting with simple calorie counting and healthy choices. I don't feel brave enough to join a club yet, and I'm going to try and avoid faddy diets. I know I can get down to 12st 3lbs because I've done it before. I've stuck motivational 'skinny' pictures of myself up to remind me of my achievement if I ever forget.
Sorry for the essay, I guess I just needed to get all that out. I probably need counselling to deal with my psychological issues and my self-esteem/paranoia issues, but the thought of physically telling someone what I've just written petrifies me. Even my parents don't know a lot of what went on during the dark period of my life, they've just witnessed my weight balloon and my confidence plummet.
Anyway I look forward to hearing from anyone, and even if no-one reads this, I feel better already for putting it into words.
Amanda x
I guess I'm just looking to hear from and speak to some like-minded people. My weight has dominated my entire life and I'm so fed up.
I've always been overweight, right from childhood. When I was 18 I reached 16st 7lbs stone and decided enough was enough. I joined WW that year, knuckled down to it straight away and managed to get down to 12st 3lbs within 8 months - not my goal weight but pretty darn close. I kinda drifted away from WW but I maintained that weight for about 6 months.
I was really happy at that time, of course I would have liked to lose a few more pounds but I was the lightest I'd been in a long time.
Unfortunately I ended up in an abusive relationship for 18 months, which I managed to get out of at the start of this year. Looking back now I can see the destruction caused to myself while it was going on. I've gone from 12st 3lbs to 18st within less than 2 years. I was constantly told I was fat and ugly, a freak, a weirdo etc, my self-confidence was rock-bottom and I'm only just starting to pick up the pieces of myself. I sought major comfort in food, and if I ever mustered up the courage to start a diet it was quickly sabotaged, to the point where I gave up even caring and just ate and ate.
I was so depressed I would stuff food in my mouth until my stomach absolutely ached with pain every single day - I guess that was my version of self-harm. I could barely leave the house because the moment I walked out of the front door I felt like EVERYONE was looking at me, looking at how fat I was and what a failure I was for gaining all the weight back. I was scared to even answer the door. I suffered anxiety attacks and ended up with serious social paranoia which I've just started battling in the past couple of months.
Since January I've been slowly getting my life back together, and now it's time to do something about my weight, the remaining part of my former life that is getting me down. I was in serious denial about my weight gain until yesterday morning when I mustered up the courage to step on the scales and saw 18stone
The weight gain sort of feels like it's happened overnight because my memory is already turning the past 18 months in a blur for me. I can still remember how I felt when I was 12st 3lbs, and I still own all my 'skinny' clothes.
I'm starting with simple calorie counting and healthy choices. I don't feel brave enough to join a club yet, and I'm going to try and avoid faddy diets. I know I can get down to 12st 3lbs because I've done it before. I've stuck motivational 'skinny' pictures of myself up to remind me of my achievement if I ever forget.
Sorry for the essay, I guess I just needed to get all that out. I probably need counselling to deal with my psychological issues and my self-esteem/paranoia issues, but the thought of physically telling someone what I've just written petrifies me. Even my parents don't know a lot of what went on during the dark period of my life, they've just witnessed my weight balloon and my confidence plummet.
Anyway I look forward to hearing from anyone, and even if no-one reads this, I feel better already for putting it into words.
Amanda x
