Newbie here... my story of ballooning from 12-18 stone

Discussion in 'Strugglers and Restarters' started by yoyoqueen, 8 May 2011 Social URL.

  1. yoyoqueen

    yoyoqueen New Member

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    Start Weight:
    17st12lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st6lb
    Diet:
    Good old fashioned calorie counting!
    Hi everyone,

    I guess I'm just looking to hear from and speak to some like-minded people. My weight has dominated my entire life and I'm so fed up.

    I've always been overweight, right from childhood. When I was 18 I reached 16st 7lbs stone and decided enough was enough. I joined WW that year, knuckled down to it straight away and managed to get down to 12st 3lbs within 8 months - not my goal weight but pretty darn close. I kinda drifted away from WW but I maintained that weight for about 6 months.

    I was really happy at that time, of course I would have liked to lose a few more pounds but I was the lightest I'd been in a long time.

    Unfortunately I ended up in an abusive relationship for 18 months, which I managed to get out of at the start of this year. Looking back now I can see the destruction caused to myself while it was going on. I've gone from 12st 3lbs to 18st within less than 2 years. I was constantly told I was fat and ugly, a freak, a weirdo etc, my self-confidence was rock-bottom and I'm only just starting to pick up the pieces of myself. I sought major comfort in food, and if I ever mustered up the courage to start a diet it was quickly sabotaged, to the point where I gave up even caring and just ate and ate.

    I was so depressed I would stuff food in my mouth until my stomach absolutely ached with pain every single day - I guess that was my version of self-harm. I could barely leave the house because the moment I walked out of the front door I felt like EVERYONE was looking at me, looking at how fat I was and what a failure I was for gaining all the weight back. I was scared to even answer the door. I suffered anxiety attacks and ended up with serious social paranoia which I've just started battling in the past couple of months.

    Since January I've been slowly getting my life back together, and now it's time to do something about my weight, the remaining part of my former life that is getting me down. I was in serious denial about my weight gain until yesterday morning when I mustered up the courage to step on the scales and saw 18stone :(

    The weight gain sort of feels like it's happened overnight because my memory is already turning the past 18 months in a blur for me. I can still remember how I felt when I was 12st 3lbs, and I still own all my 'skinny' clothes.

    I'm starting with simple calorie counting and healthy choices. I don't feel brave enough to join a club yet, and I'm going to try and avoid faddy diets. I know I can get down to 12st 3lbs because I've done it before. I've stuck motivational 'skinny' pictures of myself up to remind me of my achievement if I ever forget.

    Sorry for the essay, I guess I just needed to get all that out. I probably need counselling to deal with my psychological issues and my self-esteem/paranoia issues, but the thought of physically telling someone what I've just written petrifies me. Even my parents don't know a lot of what went on during the dark period of my life, they've just witnessed my weight balloon and my confidence plummet.

    Anyway I look forward to hearing from anyone, and even if no-one reads this, I feel better already for putting it into words.

    Amanda x
     
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  3. Mrsb2b2012

    Mrsb2b2012 Full Member

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    Start Weight:
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    Current Weight:
    19st2lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st6lb
    Lost(%):
    1st9lb(7.9%)
    Diet:
    Exante
    I think you're brave. Brave for stepping on the scales, brave for telling your story and having the courage to start to bring about 'change'.
    I too am a yo yo-er.
    Was a chubby but sporty child.
    Reached 16st at 18 and went to WW lost it all.
    Maintained goal weight till aged 27 then have really battled with my weight.
    Just had a baby at 35 and am now starting my weight loss journey again.
    I will succeed!

    Good luck with everything.
     
  4. Sassia

    Sassia Silver Member

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    Oh Amanda. Your story has some similarities to mine. You are much more open than me though. I'm not at a place where I can tell the world about it....Yet.....
    Good luck and I know you can do it. xxx
     
  5. CelticTiger

    CelticTiger Here to help :-)

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    Current Weight:
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    Lost(%):
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    Diet:
    Slim & Save
    Good woman, Amanda. Congrats on moving on from that destructive relationship...Now, "It's ALL ABOUT YOU!!!"

    You are dead right in taking small steps to re-gain your former weight. Remember the glow you felt when you felt good about your weight and general appearance. Focus on the positives, and leave all the darkness in your past. Paste up as many of those "slim" photos as you have. It's all about positive re-inforcement for you right now. Set a series of Tiny Mini-goals for yourself and reward your successes with prizes other than food.

    I wish you every success with all your endeavours. Keep us posted.

    CT
     
  6. Mynewself

    Mynewself Member

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    It happens that some times we grow heavy without noticing it. I think you will manage to hit your goal weight and keep it because you seem like a brave and honest person to me.
     
  7. jayde1148

    jayde1148 Gold Member

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    Lost(%):
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    Diet:
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    Hugs Yoyo!!!

    You are not alone and there will be lots of support for you on these boards. I too have always been big and suffered with anxiety and depression and also have a major problem with comfort eating which I am now determoned to stop! When you say 'self harmed' I thought yes that is what I do and I think your post has made me realise it so thank you!!!!!

    You did amazingly well before and you have those pictures to motivate you so I have no doubt that you will do it. I have never got thin but am hoping this is now going to happen!

    I just want to add that on thiose days where you struggle and things are bad dont give up, stay positive and remeber how far you have come since the end of that dark period of your life - you can now be you and do anything!! Good luck x x x x :grouphugg:
     
  8. CelticTiger

    CelticTiger Here to help :-)

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    Diet:
    Slim & Save
    Hi yoyoqueen, I hope you come back on here as this site is full of great people who will help you on your weight loss journey. It's a fantastic resource and is open 24/7. There'll always be interesting posts from others who have struggled to loose weight, and succeeded. You will too.

    Best of luck,

    Conor
     
  9. **Sparkle Starrs**

    **Sparkle Starrs** Full Member

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    Diet:
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    Yoyoqueen, what a brave and courageous person you are! Good luck on your weight loss journey. :)


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    [FONT=&quot]==[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]#1 Rule for Healthy Eating[/FONT][FONT=&quot] >> [FONT=&quot]Eat only foods that are [/FONT][FONT=&quot]1[/FONT][FONT=&quot] ingredient[/FONT] (and follow this rule 90-95% of the time) – anything else is an ‘edible food-like substance...!’ [/FONT]:D

    [FONT=&quot]Start date: 11 May 2011[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Start weight: 14st 0lbs (196lbs)[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot]Target weight: 10st 7lbs[/FONT]
     
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