.Nicki. - time flies.

[.Nicki.]

I certainly have a fear of them now :sigh: ho hum. I'm still in pain, although i've had more tooth aches in the last week then i ever had before the dentist.
This is the first time i've had my laptop on for a week, this is why i'm so quiet at the moment, i'm always so tired after 10hours of staring at a screen working that i haven't been on mine.
The last couple of days i've been happy and ok, not so much anymore though won't go into to much on here but i tried something that required alot of confidence to get a reaction for hubbs, didn't turn out so well just left me feeling stupid, unattractive and miserable.
will try and catch up a bit later but right now there is a toasted cheese sandwhich calling my name x

 

[.Nicki.]

bike purchase alert

haha very me!

 

[skinnydawn]

You're gorgeous bestie...I don't even need to see a photo of you to know that...I can tell from your posts xx

If hubby can't see that then its his very great loss xx

Love the new helmet...definately you! Xx

 

[.Nicki.]

Quite possible the longest i've ever been away from minis, this is my first day off since last saturday 60hours in 6 days! Been coming home, having tea and going to bed but i am not off till Wednesday, wohoo 4 day weekend. All on my lonesome though as hubbs is at work, not sure if this is a good or a bad thing tbh, i'm very lonely but we'd prob just fight if he was here, so being lonely is prob the lesser of 2 evils.
I think i have officially put all my weight back on now :break_diet: stupid or what. My own fault so can't really complain.
Bike is almost sorted, got everything i need just got to find time to register it and take my CBT and then i'll be free to come and go as i please.

 

[skinnydawn]

Morning bestie xx

Lovely to have you back! That's a lot of hours you've worked this week! I hope you treat yourself to something nice ... u deserve it xx

I'm glad the bikes almost sorted. How nice to have your independence back after all this time. You'll be all over the place soon lol!

 

[.Nicki.]

Sadly it's all for bills, which is actually more depressing then i realised. I should have the bike registered by Friday and my CBT next Tuesday or Saturday, which means i'd be on the road for when hubbs is away with work. He's only going overnight for an exam but least i can go get a takeaway Bit frightened though about my CBT, technically its not a test and you can't really fail it and considering how long i rode for in my teens, i should be fairly confident but this is me and i always have to worry about something, worried my fat ass will make the bike go 10mph. It wouldn't be so fat if i could stick to a diet for more then 5 mins, what to do, what to do.

 

[skinnydawn]

Oh bestie,

What are we going to do with you?

Sounds to me like a huge hug is in order...{{{{ hug }}}}

Of course you will be ok on the bike. You used to love your old one didn't you? And you were fine on it. And you will be just fine on this one too I bet once you get going, you get that buzz back and forget all your worries xx

And then we need to think about sorting a doable diet for you x. Cos I know you want to...I just think you don't hav a terrific amount of support around you

So wish we lived near eachother x

One thing at a time then. Let's get you on the bike first and then we'll get a plan together for your food xx

How does that sound? Xx

Hope things are better with hubbs xx

Lots of love and hugs xxx

 

[.Nicki.]

Oh bestie,

What are we going to do with you?

Sounds to me like a huge hug is in order...{{{{ hug }}}}

Of course you will be ok on the bike. You used to love your old one didn't you? And you were fine on it. And you will be just fine on this one too I bet once you get going, you get that buzz back and forget all your worries xx

And then we need to think about sorting a doable diet for you x. Cos I know you want to...I just think you don't hav a terrific amount of support around you

So wish we lived near eachother x

One thing at a time then. Let's get you on the bike first and then we'll get a plan together for your food xx

How does that sound? Xx

Hope things are better with hubbs xx

Lots of love and hugs xxx

Hey bestie,
Thanks for my hug, defo in need of those at the mo. I did love my old bike but that was 7 years and a good couple of stones ago, i'm sure you're right and i'll be ok once i get going.
Yeah you could say that, get moaned at for wanting some coleslaw, ham and cucumber (my healthy salad) because i could by a bag of chips for the both of us :copon: and i have constant tummy pains from all the processed crap i'm eating. Once the bikes all sorted and money settles again i'm going to start buying my own food which means i'll prob be doing sw because its the only diet i can get away with spending £10 a week on, i'd literally kill for a jacket spud right now! Least i'll be able to get the shopping myself and i still have my online membership going and at least i'll be around everyone again, diaries a little lonely now i'm not in the sw forum x

 

[.Nicki.]

and spookily my old sw consultant just stuck a leaflet through the door!

 

[skinnydawn]

Evening bestie xx

Well I can't deny I'd love to see you back on SW :hug99: I still remember your excitement when you lost all that weight in the first week lol! Then it seemed things just went wrong, lots of rubbish happened, and you lost heart atback:

But I'd never try and push you into something you're not ready for...there's no point as you have to really want to do it for it to work. But you know that xx

All I would say is that I'll be here if you want any help with anything at all. I love SW, and I can't believe what a difference it's made to me. Not just physically, but I feel a lot more confident too. I'm not draped in black in an effort to not be noticed too much. Whereas I used to have problems deciding what to wear because nothing fitted and everything looked awful, I now STILL take ages to get dressed ... but that's because my clothes look better on me now & I've got more choice! And I actually like clothes shopping now...used to avoid it like the plague before Only someone who's been overweight would appreciate just how much these normal everyday activities mean to me. And that's the key...I just feel normal. I never wanted to look like a super model...just normal. And I'm almost there. And I'm sure you can do it too hunni, but when you're ready xxx

I'm expecting to see a piccy of you on this lovely new mean machine of yours please :character00201:

And how's my little niece? I can't believe you have a house trained bunny while my pup is pooping and peeing EVERYWHERE!!!

Take care xxx

 

[.Nicki.]

*play x-files music in the back ground to add to the spookyness*

I dreamed last night that i was walking down the ailse to that last night, as i never watched it i'm blaming you luckily then was no aliens.

Evening bestie xx

Well I can't deny I'd love to see you back on SW :hug99: I still remember your excitement when you lost all that weight in the first week lol! Then it seemed things just went wrong, lots of rubbish happened, and you lost heart atback:

But I'd never try and push you into something you're not ready for...there's no point as you have to really want to do it for it to work. But you know that xx

All I would say is that I'll be here if you want any help with anything at all. I love SW, and I can't believe what a difference it's made to me. Not just physically, but I feel a lot more confident too. I'm not draped in black in an effort to not be noticed too much. Whereas I used to have problems deciding what to wear because nothing fitted and everything looked awful, I now STILL take ages to get dressed ... but that's because my clothes look better on me now & I've got more choice! And I actually like clothes shopping now...used to avoid it like the plague before Only someone who's been overweight would appreciate just how much these normal everyday activities mean to me. And that's the key...I just feel normal. I never wanted to look like a super model...just normal. And I'm almost there. And I'm sure you can do it too hunni, but when you're ready xxx

I'm expecting to see a piccy of you on this lovely new mean machine of yours please :character00201:

And how's my little niece? I can't believe you have a house trained bunny while my pup is pooping and peeing EVERYWHERE!!!

Take care xxx

I'm always in black, even my jeans are black hubby calls me ninja button when i'm all in black (he calls be button any way) Your right i have lost heart but its been 4 months and in that time i have once felt in the right frame of mind to 'diet' so maybe this time i'm not supposed to be in the right frame of mind, maybe i just have to man up and get on with it, which means not thinking about it too much and the only way i can realistically do that is on sw. I've decided not to wait for a couple of weeks, no point putting of the inevitable and i'm in so much pain these days, i think i might have a food allergy but not sure what it could be
so heres my list - should be about £20

• Potatoes
• cucumber
• coleslaw
• ham
• philidelphia
• eggs
• cheese
• yogurts
• pasta
• bacon
• Beans
  

Doesn't look a lot does it but least i can live off mash and cheesy chips!

:character00201:Will most defo take some pictures, think my mum is a little miffed because she hasn't seen it and she paid for it. But in my defence it came out the crate and into a shed, i didn't even peel the plastic off the chrome!
Bunny is a little bit of a monster but a cute one, we've had to take her cardboard house out because she's eating to much of it and giving herself tummy ache! To be fair your monster is cuter Is she settled in ok?

Oh and i've asked them (the mods) to move my diary back home

 

[.Nicki.]

*phew snuck back in, hope no one noticed me being sneaky*
Left what you mean i left, i've been here the Whooooooooooooooole time.

Well Pierce kindly moved my diary back, as you can see from my diary posts or lack of, in the last few months i have fallen out of love with minis and sw, i find it pretty hard to post on a diet forum when i'm not one bit interested in even trying to diet. Which is a kick in the pants because the last couple of months i could have seriously done with your awesome support (obviously except the few who have been religiously keep tabs on me to back sure i'm alive/ok :gen126
I can't say i'm in the right frame of mind at the moment but like i said to Dawn i haven't been in 4 months and it doesn't look like i'll be getting there anytime soon so i'm just going to try.
First order of business, now that i'm in my own room (long story) i can do what i want with it and i want to stick some things on the wall that will motivate me a little, so what can i print/make/stick to the walls?

 

[skinnydawn]

WELCOME HOME BESTIE!!! :bliss::bliss::bliss::bliss::bliss:

Ok so you've done your shopping list so thats a fab start

I'm assuming you've re read your books and familiarised & refreshed yourself with all the plans

You need to set a wi day and really try to stick to it

And try to post your food on here each day cos I love to have a nose, and the more you post, the more people will notice you and want to talk to you!

As for your room...

how about some sort of chart/graph to record how you're doing?

http://www.chartjungle.com/health/weightlosschart3.html
http://www.chartjungle.com/health/inchesweightlosschart2.html
Graph Your Weight | MUSC Weight Management Center
http://www.muschealth.com/weight/Weight_Graph_maintenance.pdf
http://www.muschealth.com/weight/WMCWeightGraph.pdf
OR I have a Rosemary Connelly chart I can post to you if you would like it

And you could have a look on some clothes websites (I love Matalan online) and find an outfit you'd like, print it out and pop it on your wall as motivation xx Or...Matalan have a sale on now...you could actually BUY a pretty top or dress (NOT in black ) in the next size down and hang it somewhere you can see it...
Matalan - Women's Sale

Well done on biting the bullet again hunni...you can do it, and I promise to help in any way I can xx :hug99:

 

[.Nicki.]

WELCOME HOME BESTIE!!! :bliss::bliss::bliss::bliss::bliss:

Ok so you've done your shopping list so thats a fab start

I'm assuming you've re read your books and familiarised & refreshed yourself with all the plans

You need to set a wi day and really try to stick to it

And try to post your food on here each day cos I love to have a nose, and the more you post, the more people will notice you and want to talk to you!

As for your room...

how about some sort of chart/graph to record how you're doing?

http://www.chartjungle.com/health/weightlosschart3.html
http://www.chartjungle.com/health/inchesweightlosschart2.html
Graph Your Weight | MUSC Weight Management Center
http://www.muschealth.com/weight/Weight_Graph_maintenance.pdf
http://www.muschealth.com/weight/WMCWeightGraph.pdf
OR I have a Rosemary Connelly chart I can post to you if you would like it

And you could have a look on some clothes websites (I love Matalan online) and find an outfit you'd like, print it out and pop it on your wall as motivation xx Or...Matalan have a sale on now...you could actually BUY a pretty top or dress (NOT in black ) in the next size down and hang it somewhere you can see it...
Matalan - Women's Sale

Well done on biting the bullet again hunni...you can do it, and I promise to help in any way I can xx :hug99:

:ashamed0005: i haven't got them out yet, i'll prob do it tonight after i've retreated to my room. My online membership expires end of September and should be all up and running on the bike so can go to one on a Tuesday (if there is one)
Thanks for the links, i actually have a RC chart somewhere from my brief stint, will have a search to see if i can find it. If not might take you up on the offer.
i've never shopped at matalan before and there is one right next to where I work, remember going there with my mum on our yearly Jan sale trip when i was younger, don't you need to have a card? had a quick look on there and found a wealth of plus size clothes that i NEED! Oh and i found this
Matalan - Strappy Ditsy Print Maxi Dress in Cream
won't fit for a while but its very pretty. Found a nice black one but its in a size 8 and i think its a little optimistic (unrealistic) My target is a size 14, it will still technically be fat if you listen to BMI but we'll see what happens if i get there!
Thanks Bestie x

 

[skinnydawn]

Ooh I'm glad you found some nice stuff on there! That dress is lovely...and such a good price too!!! Get it!!! And then treat yourself to something for every half stone or stone you lose x. If you only buy sale stuff it won't be at all expensive...and you're worth it anyway! You work hard enough...and you're young...you should be treating yourself xx

I know you don't need a card to shop on line. I think if you need one in store, you just fill out a form, but I'm really not sure if you have to have one or not.

Have a lovely day bestie,

Let me know if I can do anything xx

 

[JackieN]

Hey Nicki

Lovely to have you back sweetheart, we've all missed you.

I have to pop out to waitrose in a mo so this is a very very quick post as I just noticed your posts

Firstly have a huge ((((hug))))

You are amongst friends now and we are all here to help you as much as we can even if its to come up with good recipes for spuds for you. Though have to say cheesy chips sounds absolutely nom when are you making them,? Dawn and I will be right round

Darling life sucks at times, and we need our mates. You are obviously having a horrible time one way or another but you can do this. I was challenged to be 100% for a week (last wednesday) its Tuesday and I've just about done it. But believe me i've struggled like mad. I'm the worlds worst comfort eater

Gosh sorry I've just taken up half your diary sweetie. I am so sorry I was just so pleased to see you back

Have another hug, go get that list of shopping and lets help get you back on the wagon, okay?

lots of love
Jackie
xxxxxx

 

[.Nicki.]

Haha ever seen the friends episode where people keep taking Joey's food? Joey doesn't share food and as much as i love you both Nicki doesn't share cheesy chips and beans! Might send you a picture I'm basically going to be living of actifry chips and mash potatoe and i'm fine with that because i love them both, they just take a lot of effort to make! Well done on your 100% week Jackie, i've decided to try and get my food back on track but not really worry about syns to much (obviously not tucking into sweets all the time but like gravy, ketchup, drinks) i'm not going to worry about my weight so much just getitng my head back into thinking, does that make sense?
At the moment i'm hunting for lunch boxes for work, i haven't been taking food to work just buying stuff at the co-op (seriously costing me a fortune) but where i'm out the house for almost 12hrs i want to take a fair bit with me but i'm worried i'm just going to look greedy but oddly when i'm eating healthier and have breakfast i eat so much more. Thinking about the bento style boxes but i'm not sure i can justify spending £25 on a box!
Going to ASDA tonight and hubby said i can get what ever i like because he got a £500 tax rebate and he's paying for my CBT, bless him.

 

[JackieN]

Hi Nicki
Little steps. I am lazy and leave the skins on the potatoes when I do my chips then i don't have to peel them :8855:

If you think one of those boxes is what you need then you get it. Who cares if someone thinks you are greedy. my hubby often comments on how much I eat yet I am gradually losing weight he can't work it out lol

Can't wait to see your new bike I'm so so glad you got one

you can do this Nicki you really can just ease yourself back in gradually. We're all here for you. And if you do make cheesy chips make sure you tell us cos we love them xxxxx

 

[pjallen1982]

Hey!
I have just stumbled across your diary and just wanted to say hi and send some virtual hugs in your direction. Sounds like you have had a very hard time recently and deserve to spend some time on yourself. I have spent most this year struggling with my weight and having lost weight on SW, have put a stone back on. Even though it is only a stone it is enough to make me feel fat and unconfident. It gets me down so I end up eating junk which then makes me feel worse etc etc - it is a viscious circle which I'm sure so many people can relate to. I decided last week though that enough is enough. If i don't make a change in my diet then I'm not going to be able to move forward, so I have been putting all my food on here and writing about what is going on in my life (good and bad - my mum has serious health problems including depression and anxiety as well as a brain tumour - which get me down a lot and I struggle to deal with) and you know what, a group of people who I have never met have supported me every moment of this week, sending me messages and posting on my wall, helping me making the small steps to lose the weight and gain confidence.

I'm not saying losing weight is the answer to all mine or your problems, but it may give you something to focus on and definitely write on here. The friends I have made on minimins are priceless, they really are.

I really hope you decide to try SW again and slowly you gain the confidence and enjoyment in life that you deserve.

If I can help at all, then just have to message me. Keep strong, stay positive and remember there are a lot of people here who are thinking of you and willing you on your way.

Take care and I hope you don't mind me posting here x

 

[bexyboo]

Welcome Back Nicki

Just read the past couple of pages from your diary and can see you have been having a pretty crap time of late! :hug99:

Not a lot I can say really but I hope you start to feel better in yourself soon.

Also, hope you can get back on track with SW, and we're all here to give you support!

Btw, the bike helmet is totally awesome!

xxx