Not sure I want to play any more!

Discussion in 'Route to Management' started by Poppysparkle, 29 March 2009 Social URL.

  1. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    :p

    Well, day 3 and just had a plate of chicken, rocket and balsamic vinegar. Yesterday had just chicken, and day one I only had some tuna from a tin as we were away in the caravan and it was too late to grill chicken by the time the baby was settled for the night.

    I was amazed to be sat down with plate, knife and fork! I had a few bites and it was nice, then got really bored and an aching jaw. I didn't really get full and ate more than I think I was intending. I'd bought a pack of cooked chicken from Asda and had a few slices the night before, and had to use the rest up. Although I don't think the portion was huge, when I looked on the back of the pack the suggested serving was for four people!! Which would have meant about two thin slices each. Only now I feel like I must have overeaten.

    I don't like this anymore! It's too scary and I want to go back to my four packs. I actually really look forward to my LL packs and prefer the taste of my vanilla shake and cranberry bar to anything I've eaten over the past few days.

    It's all such an anticlimax and a bit of a worry that I want to go back to abstinence already!

    I suspect this is definitely coming from my child and I need to get the adult to come to the forefront I suppose! :sigh:
     
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  3. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Hi lovey :)

    It IS very much anti-climatic! After a couple of days I was like, "So....is that it??? Its JUST food!! What was all the fuss about!!!???"

    But its good you feel that way - means you ARE looking at food with new and different eyes. ;)

    You said something.....you said,
    If I can suggest, that is one old chestnut that happens a lot. "had to get rid of" does not mean you have to eat it....it is better to throw it away, then overeat. Either way, the food will be gone.....so its mauy as well go in the bin rather then your mouth. ITs an old habit for all of us I think, but its helpful to make that switch.

    That was something valuable our LLC taught us, so thought I would share.

    Well done - remmeber - don;t be afraid of being afraid. It all works out in the end. Enjoy the learning experience.

    COngrats and good luck!

    XXX
     
  4. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    Thanks honey!! You know, I thought exactly that same things as I put it on the plate - just throw a piece away. So why didn't I?? That's a point learnt, but then at the same time I don't think it was necessarily too much chicken, probably three slices. I wasn't full up after eating it and although I have had a few gripy pains over the past few days, I think I'm just getting used to it.

    I am hankering after my packs though and miss the extra one!! Now that's insane and it's like I'm resenting the food because I can't have my four packs and stay in abstinence!! LOL! It certainly helps to write all this down to see how daft half of it sounds! I must do that diary and log too - it all seems so much to learn at the moment....
     
  5. medhurst37

    medhurst37 Full Member

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    I felt the same as you and at the start could quite easily have not bothered with food, but I kept telling myself that this is how eating disorders start and food is not the enemy which I think is how we have come to view it during abstinence. This gets better I assure you and as you get more confident in your food choices the easier will get, but there are definitely new challenges every day.
     
  6. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    You're doing fine Poppy. :) Take it one little mouthful at a time, each step in it's own pace.

    Food will be extremely scary at first: and I know the feeling of wanting to run back into abstinence because there were no decisions to make!
    Just foodpacks, straight and simple... But at the end of the day, life goes forwards, not backwards... You must now embrace this, and leap off the cliff (with a safety harness of course! We're all bungee jumping here back into the world of food)! You won't get hurt, as long as you keep your harness nice and tight!

    If you find charting your progress useful: what I did was divide a piece of paper into 12 sections, and each week I'd add whatever I'm allowed that week +portion sizes. I had it on my wall, and it made it much easier to know what my boundaries were, so that I still felt in complete control of what I was allowed and what wasn't on the menu! I also treated each 'meal' as a FOODPACK. That's all it is. You just prepare it a little differently and measure it out on a little weightscale.


    *hugs* You will get through this. This is an extremely important step now, however don't get into a 'guilt loop' of "I've had too much"... because in all reality at the moment you haven't. If you think about it, a foodpack is about 120 calories, and you are meant to be increasing your intake ever so slightly... So please honey, don't over think it! Go with the flow, and respect your boundaries!

    :D
     
  7. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    Thanks you lot!! Really helps and I'm sorry that I've just asked another question about portions on another thread, but it's still stressing me out! Maybe if I get through this week without putting on weight, I'll calm down a bit!! ;-)
     
  8. Serena A

    Serena A Can't think of a title

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    Hi Poppy

    I can so relate to your post, when I first moved up the plans on CD I really couldn't be bothered with real food and found it all such a chore, and really missed my foodpacks. I felt I was in limbo between the security blanket of abstinence and being able to cook "real" meals e.g. ones with carbs.

    Don't worry though, your feelings do settle and even if you put on a little weight it'll come off again in no time (I put on 1lb during my first week of sticking to a higher plan and then lost 3lb the next doing the same thing).

    Serena xx :)
     
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