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nzmegs - last chance saloon

nzmegs

Silver Member
I don't mean to pile it on thick, but this really is my last chance to lose the weight and keep it off. My weight has been causing me problems for more than ten years and finally I have decided that being 2 or 3 stone overweight just isn't OK any more.

You know how it is easy to say to yourself " I am all right. I am smaller than her or fitter than him" but really you are kidding yourself. I have been doing that for years. I thought that being able to run three miles meant that I was perfectly OK.

it wasn't OK. In the back of my mind and at regular intervals throughout my adult life I have wanted to lose this stubborn weight. But all of my efforts failed.

I studied nutrition, I wrote articles about it and I thought I had all the answers. Turned out I didn't. Turns out that being 3 stone overweight is unhealthy and that getting older has meant that I can't avoid it any longer.

You would have thought that having my gall bladder out would have been a wake up call.

My "issues" are that I feel as though I will fail with my weight loss, so I purposely sabotage myself before anyone starts to notice that I have lost weight.

I imagine how awful it would be to lose plenty weight, feel great and then start putting it back on. People would see me as a failure and I would feel like a failure. I have watched others go through the exact same thing.

So right at the moment when I could make the decision to stick with my diet and see it through to the end - I stop, I eat and I put it back on. You can't fail at what you never really started.

The worst thing is that I start with the best intentions (like now, in fact) and it all goes out the window. that's the barrier I have to get over.

So tomorrow it starts. A week or so of Exante followed by LL when I get approval. Meeting with the LLC on Saturday to discuss when I can get going.

I am still scared of failure. But if I fail it won't be because i didn't try. Because this time i am trying harder than ever.
 
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mimz

Full Member
hey nzmegs hope youre doing good, thanks for the post in my diary you made me smile!!!!!!!!!!!!

love your diary entry its very honest,
hun when you start take it day by day, dont think too far ahead, the first couple of weeks are always tough and thats when you really want to quit. but see this as a change of lifestyle and not as some fad diet, whatever you put in you will get out, this diet works if you stick to it and you cant really go wrong if you stick with it. keep up the water.

soon the days will fly by and you will be checking off weeks, it starts to go past sooooooooo quick!

keep in mind that in a few short months you will be the slim and sexy person you were supposed to be!!!!

sorry for going on a bit lol but stay strong and post here as much as you can it really helps!!! anyhoo hugs and kisses and goooood luck xx
 

nzmegs

Silver Member
Thanks Mimz! yep I am looking towards the future as much as I can. I am still feeling very positive. My intention is to keep the diary entries as honest as possible. Hiding my food issues is what got me here in the first place.

So, I went to see the LLC on saturday and it was very positive. I am able to start on Total as my BMI was 31. I can choose at a later date if I want to switch to Lite. I have been given my form which I can get signed off at Superdrug, so I don't have to involve my doctor at all.

it isn't that I don't think my doctor would be supportive, it is just that I doubt they would think that such a drastic diet would be ideal for me. But believe me I have tried every other option!

Once the form is signed I can start right away. She has open classes between now and Christmas. So I could be getting going as soon as tomorrow morning assuming Superdrug can squeeze me in today.

As I said earlier I have been doing Exante until I could do LL. I started with this on Friday afternoon. Friday and Saturday were just fine, but Sunday was difficult. I was hungry. I wouldn't say that I wouldn't have eaten anything because my motivation was still there, but I did feel hungry - very hungry.

I have woken up this morning feeling a bit rough. Like an empty, gnawing feeling. No real headaches so far, but a little woozy and nauseous. I am yet to weight myself, but I am certain I have lost at least 2 or 3 pounds.

I have to say that my husband has been brilliant. Now this is something which has surprised me. it was him who initially said to me that I needed to do something (anything) to get back to the woman he married. He didn't mean in terms of my looks, but the bright, energetic, vivacious woman I was. He was concerned I would just get slightly fatter every year until it became an impossible task.

I hate being told what to do and resisted this idea for a long time. But when I came across LL I realised that it could help my to deal with my resistance to weightloss and the issues which caused it. It seemed like a win win.

So hubby has read all the literature, asked me a million questions, watched a DVD with me and encouraged me 100%. he even said he is excited.

In the back of my mind I worry I might let him down. Do it wrong or cheat. But right now I don't feel like that will happen.

I have shared the ins and outs of the diet with my kids as well. I worried about this at first as they are coming to an age where they might start to have concerns about their own weight. Neither of them are overweight at all (the opposite in fact) but they know I have always struggled with my weight and I wanted them to see that I am doing something positive and achieving a goal I have set myself.

We have discussed calories and nutrients and what is healthy for a child and why it only OK to have low calories if you are carefully supervised. I want them to see that avoiding getting fat in the first place is the best way to be, because having to diet is hard.

Anyway. today is a visit to Superdrug hopefully and tomorrow I will be seeing the LLC again to get my first packs.
 

nzmegs

Silver Member
Good news - I am fit and healthy and able to do LLT. Superdrug pharmacist was lovely and very encouraging. Off to meeting tomorrow morning to get my first packs...
 

mimz

Full Member
Good news - I am fit and healthy and able to do LLT. Superdrug pharmacist was lovely and very encouraging. Off to meeting tomorrow morning to get my first packs...

hey babe great news!!! i will come back later and catch up properly xxx
 

nzmegs

Silver Member
First meeting today and the start of my packs. Went really well. thee are just four of us in the meeting so it was nice to have the chance to talk properly. We discussed some of the things which make us feel good about ourselves. it made me realise that there is so much more to me than just the fat on my thighs. Turns out I have achieved a lot of things in my life, all of which are worth being proud of.

Anyway, I decided to try all the packs (not the bars as i can't have them yet). So I got a selection. So far i have had a porridge which I liked. it was a little smoother than I am used to but, but the taste was nice. A little like custard.

I have also had a chocolate shake which I thought was delicious. I shook it up with some ice to make it extra cold and I bet that improved the flavour.

I was wondering about getting the right consistency though. I find it hard to get the shake smooth in the LL shaker. Should I use a blender? Also should I add the water first?

I had to blend the porridge as it went really lumpy. Perhaps that is why it was too smooth for me. Is it meant to have congealed lumps? :) I guess this is just practise.

Today i have hit ketosis - I think. because I am not hungry (well sort of but I am not craving anything). I will have the shepherds pie for my tea and a soup at bed time. My first meal today was very late morning so it has been easy to space out the four packs without hunger coming in. So maybe that is the key - eat breakfast late.

Anyway - feeling very positive and full of energy today. Slight headache but nothing to worry about.

I wonder what the week will bring?
 

mimz

Full Member
hi hun hope you had a great day!!

hope this journey is a good one and you get all you ask for and more!!!

now for some tips.......

shakes
add water first hun
you could add a tablespoon of coffee and a sweetner to the choc and vanilla,(i havent tried it with the others) you could try them hot (not something i enjoyed but worth a try)
make a custard by adding around 100mls or less. also use the blender, they come out better not frothy or clumpy!

savoury packs make them on the hob add salt pepper tobasco and something called lancashire sauce(yes its allowed!!!) this pimps up the savoury packs, obs you cant do the soups onthe hob but the shep pie and chilli tsate gorge!

finally porridge, i make this on the hob with hot water then blend and add a sweetner,when it goes a little thicker but still smooth and liquidy add tiny bit of cold water to make it creamy if you prefer!

hope some of that made sense hope you have a great week and i willbe back to see how you get on later x sending hugs your way :hug99:

stay strong chick!!:D
 

nzmegs

Silver Member
I think I have cracked the porridge - hand blender works magic, but not until totally smooth. I like a few chewy bits...

Mimz - thanks for the encouragement. It is always nice to know that someone is reading!

I felt great yesterday, but woke up with a bit of a headache today which hasn't worn off. I put it down to not having any tea yesterday and probably not drinking enough water. I am hopeless at drinking water. I have some of the orange flavourings which make it so much easier. But I just keep forgetting to have my water. I guess it is one of the many new habits I will have to learn.

Shepherds pie was really nice. I think I made my evening soup a little thin as it was tasteless. I will add less water next time.

This afternoon I have my daughters christmas performance. She is playing the cello.

I have discovered today that knitting and crocheting takes my mind off food. Not that i am starving or anything. Just mildly hungry. My advice is to take up a hobby!
 

mimz

Full Member
hey hun no probs!! headache is also probs to do with the carb withdrawl which can be felt for up to 2 weeks! glad you had a good day keep going and hope the ketosis fairy comes soon xxx stay strong hun!!!
 

nzmegs

Silver Member
Thanks Mimz, doing my best. Today has been rough so far.

Felt quite sick, woozy and exhausted when I got up. that hasn't changed much. I have had my porridge which i enjoyed and am feeling somewhat better. I just feel like I could sleep for hours...

Also I have had really dark circles develop under my eyes. This is unusual for me. I put it down to not sleeping that well, having a busy few days and of course, my new eating regime. I am hoping it improves as I look like a panda at the mo. Soft, cuddly and cute - but with dark rings around my eyes. not a good look!

Still a slight headache but it is easing. I have been managing hunger-wise quite well. I have had my breakfast late again and will space out my meals every three hours or so. This really helped yesterday. When I am allowed a bar I will cut it is half and have five meals a day. That way i can have a small morning snack to get me out the door.

I have weighed myself and since I started (originally on exante) 6 days ago I have lost 6 pounds. The LL weigh-ins will be every Tuesday so we will have to see how that is going. I don't expect a huge loss in the first week on LL as I had already lost some on the Exante. But if I can manage 4-5 pounds I will be happy.

I have some work to do so I had better get on to it. Luckily i work from home, so I can avoid being seen with my Panda eyes!

Oh the xmas concert at my daughters school was OK. She played well, but said that the whole experience was "pointless". She is only 9! Such cynicism at such a young age...
 

nzmegs

Silver Member
Just noticed from my ticker that i am now out of the obese category and into just "overweight" That is one of my goals ticked off! woo hoo!!
 

spottydoris

Determined to succeed!
Woop woop! Well done! :)
 

nzmegs

Silver Member
Thanks Doris - getting there bit by bit!

Today I have woken up feeling much better and while in the shower I had an epiphany. As you do when standing around doing nothing much!

I realised that all of the times I have been slim (or even thin) in my life have been at times of great emotional upset or sadness. When my parents split up as a teenager, when my boy friend cheated on me as a 21 year old and when my Mum died of cancer a few years ago. At all of these times I lost significant amounts of weight due to the stress and unhappiness I felt.

I have come to realise that I have associated losing weight with being unhappy. This could easily have been my reason for sabotaging myself in the weight loss process at other times in my life. I never remember being thin and happy. I was never able to enjoy the feeling of being slim and just felt awful in general. therefore when I started to recover, I also started to eat more, put on weight and felt happier.

That is it in a nutshell. My brain and body is telling me that being a bit on the overweight side equals happiness and being thin equals sadness.

Just having an awareness of this has to help me in this process. I need to realise that losing weight will not change the person I am. I will still be happy and carefree - but in a smaller and healthier body.

I have also come to realise that i have concerns about what sort of person I will become as my body shrinks. Will I still "know" myself. After all I have been this size for the best part of ten years (aside from the one blip when my Mum died).

Already my body feels different and it feels scary. I am used to being curvy and soft. What will my body feel like when it is sharp and angular? Will I like it? Will other people like it? Oh dear. I guess I need to deal with these issues or I will continue to sabotage my weightloss.

Anyway, today I had a conversation with my daughter which cemented in my mind that I am doing the right thing. She told me that a boy in her class had asked her if her Mum was having a baby...I blamed it on my big bulky winter coat. But really, I was mortified. I definitely do not want that happening again!
 

mimz

Full Member
hi well done so far you seem to have a good idea already as to what may sabotage you on this incredible way to the new you x
also hun well done on getting to the overweight category feels good eh!! i hit that overweight last week lol and did a little dance for the LLC hehe anyhoo keep going and stay strong xxxx
 

nzmegs

Silver Member
Pop-in day: just a quick five minute session to swap my soup packs for something a little more tasty! Got weighed and I have lost 4 pounds in four days! Brilliant!

I started the day well because i was able to do up the bottom button on my coat. this means my stomach area is smaller. Also i managed to put on a skirt which had been a little too snug. Now it fits fine.

Small victories...
FOOD TALK - WARNING

I have faced a major challenge today. I went to M&S food hall to get hubby some ham for his lunch and they were doing champagne and christmas cake tastings. aaargh! I walked straight past, but not without thinking "no one would know if I just had this here. No evidence, no wrappings, no till receipts..." But I walked away, got what he needs for his lunch and walked out. Felt good about it.

Got home to discover my husband wants to bake cakes with the kids this afternoon. I only just finished telling him yesterday that the only thing I still feel would cause me problems is anything freshly baked.

I used to do a lot of baking (hence the three stone over weight thing!) and I can never ever resist the smell and taste of warm baked goods.

I think that either I planted the idea in my husbands head and now he wants to bake or he is giving me a little test. For me it feels a little early to be testing my resolve. But the fact is that i will not eat a morsel of it, because he will be watching me. The only thing I need to be sure of is that this cake is out of the house and in their tummies before I am left alone with it on Monday morning.

I told my family of my 4 pound loss which they all said "well done" about. But my daughter asked what weight i was when I started. I didn't want to tell her that and it isn't something i really want to focus on. Mostly because i don't want a specific weight to be my final goal.

If I was to say "I am going to lose 2 stone and then stop" I have no idea what i will look like or feel like at that weight. Why set some number up as your goal. I know that my current weight means nothing to anyone else. It is my shape which they can see and measure.

I have a long term BMI goal which of course is measured using my weight. But how I feel and look is more important. I don't want to get to a certain weight and stop just because I reached the goal. What if I could go further and lose more? I would never know if i didn't think I should at least try.

Does anyone else worry about revealing their stats to other people. I don't want them to judge me on my weight. i would rather they look at me. Make sense?
 

eatlikeabird

Silver Member
I find I'll say how much I've lost or how much I want to lose, but not both and not how much I weigh. I think I'm a bit ashamed of how much total weight I had to lose to get to a BMI of 25. I carry weight well so people always underestimated how much I weighed.
Well done on your mid week loss.
 

nzmegs

Silver Member
Thanks, I was pretty pleased with it too. However over the weekend I developed a bit of a bloating problem and now I feel much less slim. it probably isn't a big deal in terms of my weightloss, but it makes you feel like you've eaten too much. Even though that is impossible!

Last night I had the first of my major challenges. We visited friends who we always see around xmas time. Before leaving the house my husband got pizza for himself and the kids. That wasn't too much of a struggle as i am used to not having the same foods as them anyway. MY husband won't let me eat stuff like pizza as he rules with an iron fist when it comes to me sticking to diets. (I tended to eat when he wasn't around...but more on that another time)

After dinner we went to our friends house. I had already informed them that I was on a special diet and wouldn't be eating or drinking - just water and tea. Of course one of the first topics of conversation was what my diet was...so I told them all about it and what I hoped to achieve. I would normally be very reticent about revealing a diet to friends, just in case I fail and look weak.

With LL I realised that if I do fail, it has nothing to do with me as a person. Either I have a severe metabolic disorder or the diet doesn't work. These are the only two options in terms of failure as I won't be going off the rails myself. We know the diet works and i don't think there is anything physically wrong with me. So it just has to work - plain and simple.

Anyway as the evening went on, the chocolate biscuits came out (my weakness) and the chocolate cake. the alcohol I could easily forgo, but chocolate....but I was strong and thankfully they kept the food away from me and didn't offer anything to me at all.

The next time we see them I should be 2 stone lighter. I have to be, otherwise it isn't all worth it.

No more social engagements until Christmas day.

Weigh-in day tomorrow. Right now I feel little bloated and am heading towards my PMT week. This is the week I usually eat for England (or NZ in my case!) and crave sugar in all its forms. Hopefully the cravings will be kept in check, but I fully expect my mood to be awful.

I have been researching causes of dark eye circles and low iron, low vitamin B and dehydration all come up. What is the advice re having vitamin supplements while doing LL? As a vegetarian, I expect my iron stores were low to begin with. I have upped my water to try and tackle that, but I might feel better if I have more iron and B vits. (what about berroca - is that allowed?)
 

eatlikeabird

Silver Member
Hi Nzmegs,
Well done, good for you dodging the chocolate temptations.
I completely agree with what you said about the diet will work if you stick to it and if you have a low loss week its not because you did anything to sabotage it. I always felt on other diets when I stuck to them 100% and lost 1/2 pound or STS that I was failing. but I don't feel that way with LLT and I have had great losses in just 4 1/2 months that I could never achieve on other diets. It really works.

I got sick in October cause my immunity was low, so now I take one Sona Multiplus time release vitamin a day. Has vitamins and minerals. I know the packs should be enough but I think it is helping my immunity and my GP thinks its a good idea too. I don't know about the Berroca though you could ask your LLC, would depend if it has any fruit products or sugars in the ingredients.
 

nzmegs

Silver Member
Just got back from my first full week weigh in with LL. I lost 4 pounds in total over the week. but all of this was in the first 4 days as I was weighed on Saturday and had lost 4 pounds then as well. My LLC was a little confused and advised me to drink more water and try to wear the same clothes each week. (this could only make a difference of a pound or so though).

Actually I put it down to this week actually being my second week on a VCLD. I started with Exante a few days before i did LL. Since then (about ten days) I have lost 5.5 pounds. Better, but not that great for a first week.

The thing is that even if i eat exactly the same as another person i always lose weight at a slower rate. I always thought in the past that I was somehow sneaking extra food or they were eating less than they said. But maybe it is true, that i am just a slow loser.

Having said that - 4 pounds is a great result and better than I could achieve anywhere else on any other diet. Just wish i could have had the 8 pound losses some of my friends have had in their first week. ho hum...
 

eatlikeabird

Silver Member
That is good concidering you had already started on exante. Keep up the good work and it will all add up.
 




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