o/t advice needed.

[JustForMe]

i have posted this elsewhere but i know i will get honest and frank answers on here...

this probally sounds stupid but i'l go ahead and ask anyway.

my OH has been getting texts off a girl from work whom i have never met. thats not the issue thats bothering me.

he has been getting quite a few texts and i asked him who he was texting and he said my friend R. (male)

i know for a fact that R doesnt even have a phone atm and i know i shouldnt have but i looked in his phone this morning

the texts are all from the girl he works with. i didnt read them but told the oh that i had looked.

hes gone absolutely mad with me ( in know i shouldnt have looked) but why did he lie to me about who they were from?

should i be worried?!

 

[irishangel]

I did read your earlier post hun & I delayed in answering - deliberately ...


Having been in the same situation & only able to speak from my experience, it doesn't bode well ....

You see if all was innocent he'd just tell you it was 'susie' from the office but lie number 1 is saying that its his mate...#


the next thing I dont like is that he lost his temper when you told him you'd looked at his phone ...again if theres nothing to hide why lose his temper...???

Guilty people lose their temper they try to deflect the blame on you & make you feel bad when all along they are the ones in the wrong ...sorry hun I know its not what you wanted to hear - and this is just all from my personal experience...

good luck


debs xx

 

[IrishMum]

I too don't like the fact that he's lied to you about who he's texting, and that he got mad at you for looking. Sure, he was probably croos about you not trusting him and breaching his privacy (would you read his mail, or like him to read yours?), but you had suspicions and they've been proved right.

BUUTTT.....what were the texts like? Were they chatty or flirty? If they were general chit-chat, I think you may have to grovel and blame your hormones for being all insecure or something, but if they were all flirty- then you have a right to an explanation?

 

[missclare85]

ARGH kels!!!!!!
FFS!!!!
Will you ever have a break babe?

Ive had this, and my bf also said it was a 'mate' (a boy mate) an it wasnt it was a girl, he said he didnt tell me because he knew id go mad!

Its a hard one......but doesnt it make you realise a few things especially are little convos on msn???????

If your on tonight come on......im around all night im not going to micks!!
xxxx

 

[JustForMe]

.....

 

[JustForMe]

ARGH kels!!!!!!
FFS!!!!
Will you ever have a break babe?

Ive had this, and my bf also said it was a 'mate' (a boy mate) an it wasnt it was a girl, he said he didnt tell me because he knew id go mad!

Its a hard one......but doesnt it make you realise a few things especially are little convos on msn???????

If your on tonight come on......im around all night im not going to micks!!
xxxx

that is exacty what he said to me! what did mick say in the end?

 

[missclare85]

nothing really to be honest!
He admitted in the end that he shouldnt of lied.....but i am parra an he knows it!!
In the end the were generally just mates! So i had nothing to worry about but i know where ur coming from hun!! xx

 

[JustForMe]

i really am paranoid. and he knows it and said he shouldnt have lied. its just after everything i told you its really hard for me to trust someone and this just makes me feel ill

 

[IrishMum]

I'd sit him down (not 'formally' at a table or anything, just a one-on-one chat) and tell him that you're sorry for not trusting him. If he knows you at all, he'll know your confidence isn't 100% and should understand why you're a bit unnerved he's texting another woman all hours? Would he like it if the situation was reversed? Hopefully he'll see your point of view and try to see why you were upset and felt you had to check his phone, but if he stays all stroppy about it, then I'd question whats behind it all a bit more?

 

[missclare85]

I know babe!!!
As if said if your about we will have a proper chat bout it!!
You know im here for you no matter what chick! *bigs hugs*

xxx

 

[JustForMe]

its trying to get him to sit down. when he goes in a mood he goes in a strop and wont speak to me properly for ages. its not just this it can be about anything. i do trust him but i donttrust other women that i dont know and once some things in my head it gets stuck and eats away.

 

[JustForMe]

thanks clare....ill probs be on tonight i need a good talk. its just seems like one thing after another atm.

 

[IrishMum]

Ahhh...men! WHen my hubby gets into a strop he does the exact same!
Let him cool down a bit then try and get him alone- surely he wouldn't refuse going for a pint or something?
I hope it works out? Xx

 

[JustForMe]

Ahhh...men! WHen my hubby gets into a strop he does the exact same!
Let him cool down a bit then try and get him alone- surely he wouldn't refuse going for a pint or something?
I hope it works out? Xx

i text him about the pub but like i said hes stubborn ...ive just sent him this text ...it'l either make him forgive me or feel mega guilty if he is doing the dirty.

"the question is am i a complete tw*t? i trust you 100% and i should never have looked in your phone. i am really paranoid and can see why you lied because i can be a bit of a nut job i know that you would never cheat on me or see someone behind my back. im just truely sorry i let you down. i love you and just hope you can forgive me."

 

[Elle-Emm]

can i just shove in and say, don't make out it's your fault (that's how your text you quoted above comes over). he lied, he has to accept that was wrong -0 evn if the texts were innocent. you deserve an apology - but likewise, don't go looking for things you won't want to read!! (lesson learned from personal experience, but i did discover the pr*ck was cheating, and finished with him, lol).

 

[Wobbley Woo]

I hate to say it, but mine didn't bode well either when my hubby did that, it ended in divorce...

I hope you can get it sorted before it "may" escalate..

xx

 

[irishangel]

can i just shove in and say, don't make out it's your fault (that's how your text you quoted above comes over). he lied, he has to accept that was wrong -0 evn if the texts were innocent. you deserve an apology - but likewise, don't go looking for things you won't want to read!! (lesson learned from personal experience, but i did discover the pr*ck was cheating, and finished with him, lol).

totally agree



debs xx

 

[JustForMe]

i know that its not completely my fault but i would be mad if he looked though my phone even tho theres nothing in there. the truth be told i do get really paranoid very easily and thats hard to put up with especially after all my issues hes had to deal with over the years.

but he shouldnt have lied. full stop. im just hoping by sending that text that if he has done something he fesses up. but if he hasnt then he can forgive me for invading his privacy.

im justy waiting on a response.

 

[IrishMum]

Hmm...have to agree with Elle-emm, don't let him off with lying altogether. Okay, you've said you understand why he did it- but that doesn't make it alright? If he knows you can be a bit of a 'nut-job', then he needs to understand your need for reassurance and paranoia! You can say that to him later when he comes round a bit.