O/T My boyfriend

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by gonabslim79, 26 April 2009 Social URL.

  1. gonabslim79

    gonabslim79 Full Member

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    I have been with my fella for 3 yrs now. all is sweet. he has 2 kids that live far away that he doesnt get to see that much. i have expressed my great need to have a child my self and he says that he wants one too, so we are planning on trying in a few months.

    well one of my friends has recently had a baby which a group of us went to see today. one the the blokes in the group was all over the new born picking her up and feeding her and walking around. my fella decides to move himself away from the group and entertain the other kids. I later went to make sure he was ok, and he went off on one saying that the other guy (who happens to be his mate) was trying to get the best dad award and he doesnt need to pick up someone elses kid to prove hes a good dad. and that he cant stand babies so why should he have to sit around talking about them! he also then decided that he didnt have anything in common with the group so couldnt sit and chat with everyone!! he also feels alot older (he is 9 yrs older than me) thus everyone else as they are my friends.

    My point is we are home and hes acting all normal. and i am really angry firstly cos after 3 yrs hes decided he cant talk to my friends and secondly he said 'he cant stand babies!'

    what do you think that means? he is fantastic with kids. my 2 yr old niece adores him. and he is great with his own.
    is he having 2nd thoughts about our child?

    and why now does he think he cant talk to my friends!! we a socialble grooup and i am now thinking i shouldnt bring him along.

    I will discuss this with him but just want other opinions.
    x
     
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  3. little*red

    little*red Don't worry, be happy :)

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    The first thought that popped into my head when reading your message was that I think it was basically a reaction to the fact that he really misses his kids.
    The comment about the other guy being 'the best dad' could be because he feels he has 'failed' at being a dad because he doesnt get to raise them himself.
    As you said the best thing you can do is talk with him and get things out in the open and see where you both stand. x
     
  4. mommyB

    mommyB love it

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    I totally agree with little red,plus some people just dont like the baby phase, doesnt mean he doesnt want another one or would nt love it,best to talk it out with him
     
  5. gonabslim79

    gonabslim79 Full Member

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    Yer, your prob right. cos the baby was being passed round and i guess he didnt want his go. and the other guy does to the 'best husband' act too so prob jst got to him.

    I was just a bit angry for him making it so obvious to exclude himself from the group.
     
  6. NN89

    NN89 Sexy Member

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    I also agree with little red- I think the best thing for you both to do is spend an evening alone really discussing how you feel about it in honest and open terms- worries, fears etc. Having a baby is a big decision- good luck!
     
  7. Indieflower

    Indieflower I have my mojo

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    I absolutely agree with what everyone else has said. It must be hard for him being away from his children. I wouldn't take it personally hun, he was probably just wrapped up in emotion. Give him time and I'm sure he'll be ready to talk about it.

    I could never imagine being away from my daughter and so can only begin to understand how it must be for him. As much as you're probably raging at the whole thing now, just look back on when he has undoubtedly after 3 years together supported you with a shoulder to cry on....and perhaps it's your turn :)

    Hope it all works out hun xxx
     
  8. suepat10

    suepat10 I am one of the 63336

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    Totally agree with what the others said. I doubt if anyone else noticed he'd moved away and if he was entertaining the other kids then he hadn't obviously - to anyone else- distanced himself.

    Also, as MommyB said - not everyone likes the baby stage. I can't stand it. My son (who's 10) knows that when he married his wife's parents must like babies as I won't babysit until it's older (ok, that's a bit tongue in cheek and he knows I'd always help him - BUT I don't like babies!).

    I also think that he probably likes your friends very much but, TBH, I'm not a great one for hanging about with a large group of other peoples friends.

    I really wouldn't worry about it xxx
     
  9. bettylollypop

    bettylollypop soon to be skinny minnie

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    Hi hun, i tend to agree with what everyone says too. I find that with men and new born babies there are 2 groups. The group that brood all over them and get all mushy, and the group that don't hold them and act all masculine. When i had my dd, my uncle who loves kids went all mushy and broody and wanted him and my aunt to have another, however my brother in law distanced himself and still to this day hasn't held her, she is now 14 months!! I think some men don't like to hold babies for fear incase they hurt them or drop them or something (if that makes sense).

    I don't think it is the age difference that is affecting him getting on with your friends, my oh is 19yrs and 14mths older than me:eek::eek: and all my mates get on with him. I think , now don't take this the wrong way but do you think he could be a tiny wee bit jealous of the dads in the group because they have their kids with them and he is really missing his. (i think that has been said above). Or it could just be a personality clash. Does he have a group of friends?

    Maybe he feels guilty if he has another baby which he will spend lots of time with when he doesn't spend much time with his other kids. I think you just need to sit down, talk to him and explain how you are feeling xxx
     
  10. princessria

    princessria is a pirate arrrgggghhhh

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    wouldn worry hon "not liking babies" is totally different to not wanting your own, the other guy probably pissed him off and it put him in a strop were all entitled to our off days hon i wouldn even bring it up with himfor a couple of days at all sometimes we just wanna winge about anything and everything, if he has said he wants a baby with you hon then he probably does.
     
  11. gonabslim79

    gonabslim79 Full Member

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    Ah, thanks guys, I think you are all right. I didnt talk about it last night cos it was late and didnt want to got to bed on a bad note.

    I do worry that he is worrying that if we have a baby that he will be closer to ours than his first 2. i know he said that to me ages ago. I do get worried that him not liking babies and wanting babies are the same thing. i am glad there are others out there that are the same cos everyone around me all like babies and their partners all speak out openly about wanting them! I also think that he thinks peps are watching him around babies cos they know it took us a while to agree to have babies, so they are seeing whether he really does want them. if you know what i mean...

    He doesnt have any close friends, he lost those when he was with his ex. But he has always gotten on with mine. hes just decided he has nothing to contribute cos we have all known each other for 15 yrs +.

    I will speak to him tonight and make sure he is ok. he just is a toughy to talk to cos he always says all is ok. cos he doesnt want me to 'worry'.

    Thanks guys, its really nice to have unbiased opinions. its made me feel alot better. :hug99:

    xxx
     
  12. Indieflower

    Indieflower I have my mojo

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    You're more than welcome and glad to hear you're feeling alot better about the situation. :)

    K xx
     
  13. bettylollypop

    bettylollypop soon to be skinny minnie

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    Hi hun, glad you are feeling better about it all x
     
  14. gonabslim79

    gonabslim79 Full Member

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    oh my, feel really silly.

    you guys were all right! he was just on one yesterday. having everyones kids there made him realise just what hes missing out on. he felt 'old' cos his kids are alot older so hes done all the baby stuff. and he just doesnt 'do' babies, but doesnt mean that he doesnt want one! he just doesnt agree with the baby being passed around like a sack of potatoes.

    cant believe i have been so selfish,thinking about me!! wen i should have seen that he was upset that his children werent there in our group meet up.:cry:

    and that big bucket of popcorn i ate myself through last night was such a waste of time and syns!! i dont even no how many i ate. probably my whole weeks worth.

    I am glad i spoke to you guys first cos i could have approached this in a very different way, by the mood i was in yesterday. so thanks xx
     
  15. suepat10

    suepat10 I am one of the 63336

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    Hiya. Please don't beat yourself up over this. At the end of the day men and women see things differently so find it hard to understand the way the other sex is seeing it until it is explained to them.

    I would guess most if us have been in the situation where there has been a misunderstanding purely because of the different way men/women see things.

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
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