O/T The end of a relationship

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by frugal fifer, 23 October 2009 Social URL.

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  1. frugal fifer

    frugal fifer Silver Member

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    Well I have not been able to get on here for a few weeks, between computer issues, then router issues now it is relationship issues.
    The plan is the last thing I have been able to think about, but I feel ready to get back on track - I did loose 6lbs last week, but that was from stress starvation!
    I have been in a relationship for a long time and my OH is an alcoholic, he has been detoxed twice and after the 2nd time I told him it would be over if he went back to it, Fast forward 6 months and he is back on it again, I am the bad one for kicking him out and making him homeless and I am sure many of you know how hard it is when a relationship breaks down. I have not really spoken to anyone about it and feel like I will explode if I do not get it out of my system. Just needed to vent a little and I hope to catch up with posts over the weekend.
     
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  3. Sarah-Jayne

    Sarah-Jayne Gold Member

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    Oh hun, you poor thing, can't have been easy for you.
    We are all here to listen to you as and when you wish to talk. We are great listeners. Keep strong babes xx
     
  4. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    Hey sweetie.

    *hugs* Gosh, what a strong person you are. (even if you don't feel it sometimes) You should be proud of yourself for taking a positive step in your life. This will be the best thing for him. He needs to do it for himself, and he won't do that untill all he has is himself, because somtimes being around people and having people support you and the constant pressure can be a fuel to drink, not a positive. I hope this makes sence. My mums first hubby was an alcholic. He is now completly sober, but it took him 10 years after my mum left him to get there.

    Remeber that loosing weight with sw doesnt have to be a struggle, and you have to give yourself some slack when it comes to those cravings to help. Enjoy being back on plan, and reep the benifits of loosing weight and that confidence that'l come back to you along the way. Plan ahead for those cold nights with loads of warm, carby foods to keep you on track. Youl be fine hunny.


    Congrats, this is your positive step. Your doing this for you, just as he has to do it for hiself too.


    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx









     
  5. cocktailprincess

    cocktailprincess Still rockin' it

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    Hi Mate

    I am so sorry for your recent troubles- I have missed you while you were away.

    I was in a very similar situation to yours a few years back, and although you are in the thick of it at the moment, just want to let you know that it was the best thing I ever did. I am now with a loving kind man and happy with who I am. Do not allow another persons problem to take over YOUR life- It's time to get selfish and think about yourself, regardless of any 'guilt tripping' tactics your ex tries.

    The most powerful thing I ever ever learnt about relationships was, just because someone isn't treating you badly, doesn't mean they are treating you well.

    Stay strong, remember you have friends here who you can chat to, and a brighter future is just around the corner for you.

    Massive, massive hugs are coming North right to your door ****hugs****

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  6. frugal fifer

    frugal fifer Silver Member

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    Thank you so much for your supportive comments - me and the children are finding it really hard at the moment, but I am clinging on to the hope that it will all be worth it. The threats will die down eventually and one day, maybe even 10 years down the line he will hopefully see why it had to end.
     
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  7. judimac

    judimac Mad old Bat with Attitude

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    You are doing the best for you and your children! It's far from easy, but you know in your heart you've done the right thing. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong and you will come to realise you have made the right decision.
     
  8. leannemarie28

    leannemarie28 That mars bar aint love..

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    Oh hun!! i was in an abusive relationship and yet when i finally left I was the bad guy. BUT its worth the threats and the horribleness!! you and your children are the important thin here!! your doing the right thing!!! hang on in there xxx
     
  9. tfmd

    tfmd Silver Member

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    I agree, I was in an abusive relationship and when I finally ended it he was gutted and cried, to be honest (and I can't believe how cruel I was) I just sat there and said tough!! I had come to the end of my tether...He realised this wasn't going to work, and true to form the threats started happening....I thought I was being cruel, but I wasn't, I was being assertive, and taking control....
    You have to think of YOU and the kids....
    I am blissfully happy now...
    Things will get better and given time I hope he realises you ended it for him as much as for you..

    All the best, stay strong and good luck

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  10. ilovelife

    ilovelife Wishing and hoping!

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    AW hugs - you are strong and have you have done what you feel si right, i hope you find a peace within soon :)
    well done for not given up on your plan, it takes balls and you will achieve!!!
     
  11. mommyB

    mommyB love it

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    I have come along to sw in your absense, but just wanted to add my support. My previous marriage broke up due to his infidelity,despite saying lots of times that he would stop. In the end for my own sanity i said no more and ended it myself.
    It is probably the hardest thing i've ever done,but in the long run it was for the best. I am remarried and have 2 lovely daughters. what i'm trying to say is be strong and it will be worth it in the end.
    You may have even done hime a favour, it may be the push he needs to sort himself out finally!
     
  12. malaika

    malaika Lover of Extra Easy

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    I am so sorry that you are going through such an unhappy time.
    You have done the right thing for you and your children.
    Be strong, and like others have said things will get better.
    ((hugs))
     
  13. charlottegrace1

    charlottegrace1 Gold Member

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    Be strong and stick to your guns, you will come through this in the end and you will have a much better life for yourself and the children. You cann't live your life wondering if he will do it again, it would be like living on egg shells, now is the time to make a clean break and move on with your life. Just stay strong and take each day as it comes.
     
  14. Donnie46

    Donnie46 Slow but sure....

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    I'm sorry for your upset and trouble and the moment, It must be very hard for you, but you have done the right thing - it doesn't look as if he want's to change and things can only get worse for you and the children if you stay together.

    Thinking of you and your children and sending you hugs and best wishes. X
     
  15. fraggle_13

    fraggle_13 Member

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    Hi there, I had similar issues with my ex, he also had a drinking problem, took drugs was a compulsive liar and had a temper on him. Like yourself I eventually had enough and ended it. He went back to his mummy (he was 33 lol) and I was the one being made to feel like the bad guy. I had his mum calling me up pleading his case and getting dirty looks in the street from people him and his family knew and he would even sit outside the house at 6 in the morning sending abusive and threatening texts.
    But I stuck by my decision and within a few months my son (who is autistic) was doing so much better in school because there was less stress at home. Fast forward 4 years and we havent even heard from the loser or his mummy for about 3 years and I am now in a stable long term relationship and have another son!
    Stick by your decision it'll be worth the initial hasstle and heartbreak in the end! And if he keeps harrasing you keep a record of it and call the police thats what their there for.
    I know its tuff especially when theres kids involved but think of the future you's could have if you stay strong!!
    Good Luck and hope it all works out
    Tracey
     
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