off topic just wondered how you would deal with this

[andju]

I have an 18 yr old daughter who thinks the world revolves around her.She has done 1 yr hairdressing now started beauty course,cost me 200 for the kit then found out she was bunking off,talked to her she changed courses had to go to a different college fares went up by £10 per week.Shes had 2 part time jobs and quit both,she works sats in a salon £25.00 gets paid at 4 all gone by 5.Uses everything of everybody elses and doesnt put it back,comes and goes as she pleases has b f stay most nights.speaks to all like a piece of s**t,basically just takes the pee.This morning she announced she was quitting college and getting a job,my response was get a job then quit college,i was replied to with a flat no f off and the like,so i told her if she quit college now with no job(she has no intention of getting 1)she could find somewhere else to live.She went and called me an effing c on the way out would you have handled it differently?
Any answers good or bad welcome,i do not know what to do with her,please dont agree with me if you think im wrong i need to know the truth
Thanks

 

[Kippaxmum]

Hiya,
Imho, you dealt with it in the right way. I was 17 when I left school/6th form. My mum told me I wasnt allowed to leave unless I had a job that paid x amount. I got a job which paid over the amount she said. She had said that if I did leave without a job I could find somewhere else to live (well, not to me but to my brother) so you are totally in the right. Sounds like she needs to learn respect for others!

I dont envy you (and am dreading my lo getting too old - can't I keep him as a baby forever?)

(((())))
xxxxx

 

[andju]

Thanks,I just feel so bad but this is just never ending,trouble is now Im worried about where she is as she left with a fiver and shes broken her phone,mind you if theres anything she does well its make sure she is ok!!xx

 

[saraian24]

Tell her oif she quits college she will regret oit for the rest of her life, she needs the training as its harder and harder to get a job now in this day and age and employers are being very meticclous who they take on now and they prefer workers with training and a good attitude.

I would tell her if she has quit college then she hs to pay you x amount of rent for her up keep and if she talks to you like that again tell her to pack her bags and bugger off. My mum said it too me at that age and i soon changed my tune!

She needs to take some responsability for her life and stop being sucha madam.

 

[Miss_B]

Okay seriously if I ever spoke to my parents like that my bags would be packed and I would be out on my arse! I am only 22 so not yet totally wise to the world BUT I would say it's time to grow up and give you some respect or get out. If she does move out she will have to get a job then it might actually dawn on her just how hard things are not having parents there. Honestly I can't believe she talks to you like that pack her bags and tell her you wont be spoken to like that ever. That will soon bring her down to earth with a bump when she has to fend for herself!

Good luck, I really feel for you, I had a friend who spoke to her mum like that when I was at school. All attitude and thought she was owed something, she was made to move out and now her and her mum get on really well.

xxx

 

[KBQueen]

I think you handled it the right way, she will just keep taking the pee if you keep letting her

 

[Delli]

i think u made the right move, u have to take a stand against that behaviour or else she would just continue walkin over u!

 

[gailt39]

i too have an 18yr old daughter who i must say is not like most teenagers (moody) she too wanted to leave college so i told her to get a job first which she did a part time one but she has to pay me board money which she pays everyweek she also has another part time job coaching girls football she would like to learn to drive so is saving up for lessons and a car she is only interested in football not boys she said it would just stop heer doing what she wanted to do!! but on the other side i have a 19 yr old step daughter(who lived with her mum growing up) who is totally different she got pregnant at 17yr old dont get me wrong i love my grandson to bits but i know she is not coping well and we have him nearly every weekend so she can do her thing with the now 18 yr old father she is moody and spoilt and kicks off if she doesnt get her own way my other 2 are just as bad 14 yr old boy who because he is over 6 ft thinks hes a man already and my baby 12yr old daughter who sulks around the house most days so what im trying to say is all children are different but there is no way she should be able to behave like she is and if it were my daughter im sorry no job then find somewhere else to live i work hard and the children have to help with the chores which i feel is only fair as i am the one taking them to their clubs and things and paying for this and that so at 18 they think they are adults lets treat them like one then!!

 

[andju]

Thanks for the replies,I think she thinks the social will house her!!Derr!!after about a year of park benches maybe.This has been brewing up about 3 months ago my husband had to call the police on her and they did her for assault without mine or his backing i may add,but we let her come home on the understanding she behaved herself,she has had so many chances I feel so weak as I dont want to throw her out I just want her to flippin well behave herself !

 

[susan70]

I feel for you hunni, but I would of done the same in you postion.xx good luck.xx

 

[dani*r]

i think you acted in the right way, dont feel guilty for dishing out tough love where its needed.
i am ashamed to say that i was abit of a madam at that age too. i fell pregnant at 16, i worked and had to pay board to my parents, and believe me i cursed and tried to get out of it. I was iven the ultimatum, pay and behave or move out. Thinking i was big and clever i moved out into a crummy council house with my wage not stretching very far at all. I was back home within 4 months.
my mum has said she always feels guilty for letting me go, but it did me the world of good. however her guilt stopped her from bieng tough with my younger brother when he stepped out of line, she always gave in to his demands, bailed him out ect ect. now at 23 yrs old he is still dependant upon her, he canot manage his money or most likely wont as he knows she will bail him out and he treats her like crap.
when you are 18 , it all sounds so easy and parents dont know anything.
im really glad that my parents let me learn the hard way.

 

[KD]

I think one of the greatest things you can teach a child/teenager, is consequences.

so i told her if she quit college now with no job(she has no intention of getting 1)she could find somewhere else to live.

And always make those consequences, something that you will definitely follow through

For example. Just say she does quit college and doesn't get a job. Will you throw her out of the house, or will she have won that one and learnt that you don't mean what you say?

Doesn't have to be a fight over it (though I know teens, and they'll often insist you do fight...all part of the 'game').

So what consequence could there be? She quits college, doesn't get a job, assume she will get some income from somewhere. Job seekers allowance?

Of course. You will need pretty much all of that allowance to pay her way. Not many teens like having no money. It will be her decision to get a job, and you'll be in the clear (we hope )

Love and logic. Works brilliantly :clap:

Very best of luck. Not an easy age is it.

 

[KD]

Oh, and put this up on her door

 

[Percy greenfingers]

I like that one KD....I have a 21 year old and a 14 year old. My eldest son dropped out of his A-levels, I gave him 2 weeks to get a job, he went out every day from 8.30 - 5 pm looking for work putting applications through doors, after the first week he had a job as a trainee manager in a Michelin star gastro pub. He worked 70 hours a week and loved every minute, it really made him grow up and save. He bought his own car, own insurance and then when offered paid his own fair to South Africa where he did voluntry work for 6 months with children. he's back, joined the airforce and now lives away. I'm very proud of him, but you have to stand your ground as you have. They are still our children and we don't deserve abuse from them. Hopefully if we're tuff enough they'll turn out ok in the end.
Say NO to boyfriends staying until she can afford to heat the room......

 

[misscheeky]

have pm'd you hun x

 

[Big Bird]

Stand your ground - Think this is a battle you are going to have to fight face on sooner or later, so be strong you pick the time and place and let her know that you love her but you will not be treated this this way.Lots of hugs, good luck hun XxX

 

[ZoBo]

Leave her to it I'd say..... She obviously thinks she's big enough & clever enough to do things her way..... Well let her learn the hard way. She'll need you before you need her! Just remeber that & try not to give in until she proves herself....... I was a little **** as a teenager, so I'm sure my mum could fully sympathise with you! lol
Good luck, I hope you manage to sort something out..... x

 

[andju]

I think one of the greatest things you can teach a child/teenager, is consequences.
And always make those consequences, something that you will definitely follow through

For example. Just say she does quit college and doesn't get a job. Will you throw her out of the house, or will she have won that one and learnt that you don't mean what you say.

So what consequence could there be? She quits college, doesn't get a job, assume she will get some income from somewhere. Job seekers allowance?

Of course. You will need pretty much all of that allowance to pay her way. Not many teens like having no money. It will be her decision to get a job, and you'll be in the clear (we hope )

Although I totally get where you are coming from on the cosequence I feel yes I have to follow this through,she can live here if A)she does get a job prior to returning as she thinks it is so easy to get one,or-
B)she is prepared to go to college and she stays there until she either finds a job or finishes the course.
I am afraid this is what I have to do, I dont want to do it what mother would.If it means she sleeps on a park bench for the night so be it,there is a warm bed waiting for her as soon as she realises this is mine and my husbands house, we pay the bills,and what we say goes,if she doesnt like that then yes she can go.She has been on jobseekers before and was quite happy with that. As i work she managed to intercept the post 1st, cash her cheque buy a can of fake tan,40 fags and a hair extension then mope about all week trying to sponge fags off all and sundry,she was quite happy with that amount!!Never gave me a penny!!
XX

 

[Ameythist]

Hi

My girl was chucked out by her Mum when she was 15 and came to live with us We threw her out 6 months later, She knew it all, did it all, drank, stole from my purse, slept about and was a nasty little know it all. Im sorry but no naughty corner helped this kid, Then out of the blue she said she was joing the forces as she had no where to live and could not get a place off the social, she has just come out after 10 years and I have to say it was the making of her. I do not know if it is peer pressure, friends or rebellion but we were all at our wits end with her and the forces sorted her out and gave her a life We often speak about her past and her chilhood to try and establish where we went wrong and she openly admits we did nothing wrong she was just pushing and pushing to see how far and of course in our case to see which parent loved her more. Good Luck I hope it works out xx