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Office Wisdom


Silver Member
G: 10st0lb
Office wisdom

1. Eagles may soar high but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

3. There may be no "I" in team, but there's a "ME" If you look hard enough.

4. Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

5. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.

6. Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.

7. Put the key of apathy into the lock of despair. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.

8. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and others you are the statue.

9. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

10. If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.

11. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you are trying to get them sacked.

12. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

13. You have to be 100% behind someone to stab them in the back.

14. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

15. There's no "I" in team but then there's no "I" in useless smug colleague either. There's four in platitude quoting idiot. Go figure !

16. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do !

17. I thought I could see light at the end of the tunnel but it was just some b***ard with a torch bringing me more work.

18. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the CVs in the bin without even reading them.

19. Statistics are like a lamp post for a drunken man, more for leaning on than illumination.

20. Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue sky scenario.

21. Remember the 3 golden rules : it was like that when I got here, I didn't do it and (to your boss) I like your style.

22. A problem shared is a problem halved. So, is your problem really yours or just half of someone elses ?
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Love it!!!

Just printed a copy off so my husband can read it (he's working from home and sat next to the printer!) I'm sure I can hear laughing already!!!

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