mudbabe
Fitness Freak!
After faffing for too long, today is back to day 1. I had half said to myself that I wouldn't worry too much until after the funeral, but we now know his body has been accepted for research as he wanted, so there won't be a funeral.
I loved my grandad so much, I could not have wished for anyone better. We were closer than most parents and children, let alone grandparents, and knowing I didn't get to say goodbye is hard. I also now realise how much a part of the grieving process a funeral is, and a part that we do not have.
I have a big grandad-shaped hole in me now, but realise that food is food-shaped, so simply won't fill that hole. Also, he was brought up through the Depression by poor parents and from the moment he realised that his parents used to skip meals so he could eat, he was always very careful to avoid gluttony.
I do not need to do this diet to make him proud of me - I have never once doubted that he was proud of me, not for anything I have ever done, but just because I am me. He loved me unconditionally, and I know he would want me to love myself and be happy with who I am. I have been through a lot in my life (very long story which I wont go into) and have done a lot of work on loving myself. I know weight isn't the be all and end all by any means, but for me its actually part of launching my new career as much as anything else. Plus I can't afford to buy lots of fat clothes, lol!!
So anyway (if you have made it this far!!) I will try to post regularly and turn to the forum when I want to give in.
Thanks.
I loved my grandad so much, I could not have wished for anyone better. We were closer than most parents and children, let alone grandparents, and knowing I didn't get to say goodbye is hard. I also now realise how much a part of the grieving process a funeral is, and a part that we do not have.
I have a big grandad-shaped hole in me now, but realise that food is food-shaped, so simply won't fill that hole. Also, he was brought up through the Depression by poor parents and from the moment he realised that his parents used to skip meals so he could eat, he was always very careful to avoid gluttony.
I do not need to do this diet to make him proud of me - I have never once doubted that he was proud of me, not for anything I have ever done, but just because I am me. He loved me unconditionally, and I know he would want me to love myself and be happy with who I am. I have been through a lot in my life (very long story which I wont go into) and have done a lot of work on loving myself. I know weight isn't the be all and end all by any means, but for me its actually part of launching my new career as much as anything else. Plus I can't afford to buy lots of fat clothes, lol!!
So anyway (if you have made it this far!!) I will try to post regularly and turn to the forum when I want to give in.
Thanks.