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Ok, I'm going to need some support please.

mudbabe

Fitness Freak!
S: 11st0lb C: 9st6lb G: 8st0lb BMI: 22 Loss: 1st8lb(14.29%)
#1
After faffing for too long, today is back to day 1. I had half said to myself that I wouldn't worry too much until after the funeral, but we now know his body has been accepted for research as he wanted, so there won't be a funeral.

I loved my grandad so much, I could not have wished for anyone better. We were closer than most parents and children, let alone grandparents, and knowing I didn't get to say goodbye is hard. I also now realise how much a part of the grieving process a funeral is, and a part that we do not have.

I have a big grandad-shaped hole in me now, but realise that food is food-shaped, so simply won't fill that hole. Also, he was brought up through the Depression by poor parents and from the moment he realised that his parents used to skip meals so he could eat, he was always very careful to avoid gluttony.

I do not need to do this diet to make him proud of me - I have never once doubted that he was proud of me, not for anything I have ever done, but just because I am me. He loved me unconditionally, and I know he would want me to love myself and be happy with who I am. I have been through a lot in my life (very long story which I wont go into) and have done a lot of work on loving myself. I know weight isn't the be all and end all by any means, but for me its actually part of launching my new career as much as anything else. Plus I can't afford to buy lots of fat clothes, lol!!

So anyway (if you have made it this far!!) I will try to post regularly and turn to the forum when I want to give in.

Thanks.
 
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cybill

Gold Member
S: 21st11lb C: 18st9lb G: 11st3lb BMI: 38.5 Loss: 3st2lb(14.43%)
#2
So sorry about your Grandad, it sounds like a really difficult time for you at the moment.

Have you considered any other ways to mark his going? Maybe a thanksgiving service or memorial service of some sort? Or perhaps going to his favourite place?

When my Dad died I made a jar of salt, and divided the salt into 5 piles. I coloured the salt (with crayons), and each colour symbolised some aspect of him. I then put the salt in a jar, in layers (a bit like those sand things you get at the beach), and have that.

When my Grandma died we asked each person to write their favourite memory of her, and created a little 'book', which each of us has a copy of, together with some favourite pictures of her.

I think saying Goodbye is really important, and it's worth finding your own way to do that. It sounds as if he was a really special person to you and has helped make you the person that you are today.

Thinking of you.
xxx
 
S: 17st7lb C: 11st6lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 29.6 Loss: 6st1lb(34.69%)
#3
So sorry that you're going through such a time, I do agree that a funeral is a huge part of the grieving process and understand fully the need to say goodbye, however I admire the fact that he has given his body to research, it really is the ultimate gift and I think you should take joy from the fact that he somehow may be helping others.

I do like Cybill's ideas of your marking him in some way, perhaps if you gathered with family and friends for a Mass in his name.

I really do hope that you're able to cope with your grief, you're grandad sounds like he was a lovely man and you are so lucky to have had each other xx
 
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mudbabe

Fitness Freak!
S: 11st0lb C: 9st6lb G: 8st0lb BMI: 22 Loss: 1st8lb(14.29%)
#4
Thank you.

We will be having a memorial service in a few weeks time. He was a well known and well respected music arranger and one of the bands he used to play in want to be involved with it. At present we can't set a date - it will hopefully be at my gran's church but the vicar is away at present.

Don't get me wrong, I am pleased his body has gone for research, whilst music was his life most recently, science was his first love to its totally right.

Anyway, I have had 2 and half packs today (I'm a 4 pack girl) and gallons of water! I am about to head out for a run with a few friends, think we are doing 5miles tonight, so that will take my mind off food for a bit!
 

Wamser

Full Member
S: 11st5lb C: 10st5lb G: 9st5lb Loss: 1st0lb(8.81%)
#5
Well done Mudbabe for getting back on track even through all your grief
You will get loads of support on the forum and will be back on
track in no time x
 

mudbabe

Fitness Freak!
S: 11st0lb C: 9st6lb G: 8st0lb BMI: 22 Loss: 1st8lb(14.29%)
#6
I am disturbingly proud of myself for finally managing a 100% day yesterday :D. Last night's run was good - 5miles in 50mins so a nice steady jog. This mornings workout was fab too, though I now have sand in some unmentionable places :p:eek:. So here's to day 2 and eventually getting back to skinnydom:angel09:
 


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