Royal Purple
Full Member
Sigh. I ended up eating a whole lot today and I just feel like such a loser. Officially, I started on Monday, but ever single day without fail, I'd manage to somehow sneak a little bite in here and there. I'd weigh myself everyday as well and since my weight was dropping I thought, hey, it's not so bad. But tonight I think something must have trigger my hunger and I just ate and ate and before I knew it I have eaten far too much.
I wanted to give up initially but then I told myself, any loss is a weight loss (took my weight and realized the binge setback meant that I lost only 1kg since Monday.) It's my first week and I expected so much more but of course since I wasn't following instructions strictly I couldn't be expecting a 10lb loss or anything wonderful like that.
I'm just so afraid. I feel like there's something inside of me that's sabotaging my efforts. I mean, everyday I make it to the evening and I take my 3rd shake and it'll be about 8 by then and after that it's like my mind is psycho-ing me to eat a lil something 'naughty', even if it's the smallest, most miniscule pinch of a chocolate cupcake. I mean, I can withstand long periods of hunger in the afternoon but once it comes to night I'm just soooooo weak and give in too easily. Ive been trying to lose weight so badly for 2 years now and I think that because I've failed consistently over this long period, somehow I've somehow subconsciously come to believe that I will never be able to lose this weight and I'm meant to be fat forever and so, even when I'm trying my utmost, I still manage to screw things up for myself in the end.
I don't even care if I cheat and still manage to lose weight. I'd still really like to be able to do SS and stick to it without cheating. I just want to know that I CAN achieve being on SS. I mean, it just hit me today in the bus that I'm not even in ketosis yet (havent got ketostix but read bout the signs somewhere previously).
i feel like such a failure. someone please help. I feel like giving this whole thing up cos i just feel so fat and horrible. It almost feels like life isnt worth living anymore, cos Ive focused so much on losing weight for so long it's become such a part of me now. :break_diet:
Sigh.
I wanted to give up initially but then I told myself, any loss is a weight loss (took my weight and realized the binge setback meant that I lost only 1kg since Monday.) It's my first week and I expected so much more but of course since I wasn't following instructions strictly I couldn't be expecting a 10lb loss or anything wonderful like that.
I'm just so afraid. I feel like there's something inside of me that's sabotaging my efforts. I mean, everyday I make it to the evening and I take my 3rd shake and it'll be about 8 by then and after that it's like my mind is psycho-ing me to eat a lil something 'naughty', even if it's the smallest, most miniscule pinch of a chocolate cupcake. I mean, I can withstand long periods of hunger in the afternoon but once it comes to night I'm just soooooo weak and give in too easily. Ive been trying to lose weight so badly for 2 years now and I think that because I've failed consistently over this long period, somehow I've somehow subconsciously come to believe that I will never be able to lose this weight and I'm meant to be fat forever and so, even when I'm trying my utmost, I still manage to screw things up for myself in the end.
I don't even care if I cheat and still manage to lose weight. I'd still really like to be able to do SS and stick to it without cheating. I just want to know that I CAN achieve being on SS. I mean, it just hit me today in the bus that I'm not even in ketosis yet (havent got ketostix but read bout the signs somewhere previously).
i feel like such a failure. someone please help. I feel like giving this whole thing up cos i just feel so fat and horrible. It almost feels like life isnt worth living anymore, cos Ive focused so much on losing weight for so long it's become such a part of me now. :break_diet:
Sigh.