once more with feeling
- Thread starter sparkle83
- Start date
sparkle83
Full Member
So where to start. I was born weighing 6lb7.5oz, and was a good eater early on. Once I hit two and my younger sister was born I became a very fussy eater, refusing most healthy foods. This got worse as I got older.
I don't remember ever not being fat, and there are definitely no pictures that show I was! I was teased alot, most of my childhood and teens. I was miserable.
By the time I was 13 I weighed almost 14 stone (only a few pounds less than now). I hated being so much bigger than all my peers. My food repertoire was... Well, easier to do what I wouldn't eat: potatoes (unless chips or waffles), rice, pasta (except tinned spaghetti), all veg, all fruit (except jam or fruit juice without bits), eggs, nuts, most cereals. Shocking, huh? My mum had given up, I would starve or have panics if given those foods.
So at 14 I embarked on a secret vlcd/starvation plan. I skipped breakfast, threw away packed lunches, refused treats and barely touched dinner. I also exercised every day and walked nearly 4 miles Mon-fri. I dropped 3st in 10wks.
More later
I don't remember ever not being fat, and there are definitely no pictures that show I was! I was teased alot, most of my childhood and teens. I was miserable.
By the time I was 13 I weighed almost 14 stone (only a few pounds less than now). I hated being so much bigger than all my peers. My food repertoire was... Well, easier to do what I wouldn't eat: potatoes (unless chips or waffles), rice, pasta (except tinned spaghetti), all veg, all fruit (except jam or fruit juice without bits), eggs, nuts, most cereals. Shocking, huh? My mum had given up, I would starve or have panics if given those foods.
So at 14 I embarked on a secret vlcd/starvation plan. I skipped breakfast, threw away packed lunches, refused treats and barely touched dinner. I also exercised every day and walked nearly 4 miles Mon-fri. I dropped 3st in 10wks.
More later
sparkle83
Full Member
Part two lol
So, having successfully starved myself dangerously, I felt pretty good at 10-11. I met dh that summer, so I must have been 15, not 14. I loved turning heads, and he was smitten. We pretty quickly fell in love and got engaged a few months later, not long after my sixteenth, much to the horror of friends and family! Six months later we moved in together, in part to escape my dad (I've missed a bit in part one about my dad's treatment of me, may return to that later!) but mostly because we were crazy about each other.
Cue a pair of crazy kids me sixteen, him nineteen with serious depression deciding a child would be an awesome addition to our family! Genius, huh?
However fate had other ideas. Six months of trying and crazily irregular cycles later, I consulted our local family planning clinic for advice. Turns out they don't like to help you plan a family. They should really rename to the family avoidance clinic! Anyhow, it was blamed on my then 13st 7lb weight. I'd gained it all back in 15 months.
It became an ugly, long, soul-destroying process. I hated myself for my failure to get pregnant, inability to give him the baby we wanted so badly. I tried to diet, but never got anywhere. Slowly over the years dh has opned my culinary horizons, though I'm still very fussy and barely eat fruit and veg. My diets didnt work. I'd binge so often due to my feelings of failure. And so we went on for 6 years, eventually getting diagnosed with an underactive thyroid and pcos. I can't begin to describe the misery of those years and how every waking moment we longed for our time to come. It nearly broke us many many times. We clung on through 3 early miscarriages, somehow.
Part three: how the west was eventually won!
So, having successfully starved myself dangerously, I felt pretty good at 10-11. I met dh that summer, so I must have been 15, not 14. I loved turning heads, and he was smitten. We pretty quickly fell in love and got engaged a few months later, not long after my sixteenth, much to the horror of friends and family! Six months later we moved in together, in part to escape my dad (I've missed a bit in part one about my dad's treatment of me, may return to that later!) but mostly because we were crazy about each other.
Cue a pair of crazy kids me sixteen, him nineteen with serious depression deciding a child would be an awesome addition to our family! Genius, huh?
However fate had other ideas. Six months of trying and crazily irregular cycles later, I consulted our local family planning clinic for advice. Turns out they don't like to help you plan a family. They should really rename to the family avoidance clinic! Anyhow, it was blamed on my then 13st 7lb weight. I'd gained it all back in 15 months.
It became an ugly, long, soul-destroying process. I hated myself for my failure to get pregnant, inability to give him the baby we wanted so badly. I tried to diet, but never got anywhere. Slowly over the years dh has opned my culinary horizons, though I'm still very fussy and barely eat fruit and veg. My diets didnt work. I'd binge so often due to my feelings of failure. And so we went on for 6 years, eventually getting diagnosed with an underactive thyroid and pcos. I can't begin to describe the misery of those years and how every waking moment we longed for our time to come. It nearly broke us many many times. We clung on through 3 early miscarriages, somehow.
Part three: how the west was eventually won!
sparkle83
Full Member
Part three
So, years passed. It sucked. In 2006 we decided we'd have to try iui. To get NHS funding I needed to be 12-6 and 'overweight' instead of 'obese'. I was in the high 14s. I managed it in six months through a bit of low carb and calorie counting. But as soon as treatment started the weight came right back and they refused to treat me. I stayed in the mid-14s for a few more years, starting and stopping.
It was painful when my sister in law got instantly pregnant and had my niece in 2009, and in 2010 I started SW. I was losing slowly, and spending a fortune so packed it in. That summer I had an op which still didn't fix my ovaries. I was just miserable. Every belly and baby felt like a knife to the heart. We were told to lose weight for iui again, and I rejoined SW in 2011 with the same result. By June I was still in the mid 14s (seems to be my bodys natural weight!). I was trying to lose weight but the binging continued.
In early July I started feeling sick. I knew the feeling from previous miscarriages. But amazingly, no weight lost, I had fallen pregnant naturally against the odds. The weeks dragged by, and I dropped 3lb due to first trimester nausea.
Throughout the rest of my pregnancy I gained about 35lbs! I was 16-12 the week before my emergency section. Finally, just over 12 years after starting to TTC,my little boy (the UberDom) was born screaming and healthy. We were parents at last!
In a haze of late nights, breastfeeding and cuddles, time passed. By the time he was 6 months old, I was 16-7, barely less than my full term weight. I felt like a disgusting whale (I have a picture to prove it). I promised myself I'd lose it by the time he was a year old. But I didn't.
At 15 months old, I decided to knuckle down. I'd slowly crept down to 15-13. Through lots of walking and cc of 1600-1700 a day (still breastfeeding), I dropped 29lb in 3 months, down to 13-12 (pic to follow). We managed a date night during a weekend at my mum's which involved lovely food and pudding! And I never got back on track when we came home. September was a month long binge.
On October 7th I realised I'd gained 9lb back, and was angry with my self. Which takes us to now. Cc, still bf and trying to curb binging. It's coming off slowly and I'm now back almost to my end of August weight, but I have a long way to go to get to my 10-5 goal
Thanks for reading
So, years passed. It sucked. In 2006 we decided we'd have to try iui. To get NHS funding I needed to be 12-6 and 'overweight' instead of 'obese'. I was in the high 14s. I managed it in six months through a bit of low carb and calorie counting. But as soon as treatment started the weight came right back and they refused to treat me. I stayed in the mid-14s for a few more years, starting and stopping.
It was painful when my sister in law got instantly pregnant and had my niece in 2009, and in 2010 I started SW. I was losing slowly, and spending a fortune so packed it in. That summer I had an op which still didn't fix my ovaries. I was just miserable. Every belly and baby felt like a knife to the heart. We were told to lose weight for iui again, and I rejoined SW in 2011 with the same result. By June I was still in the mid 14s (seems to be my bodys natural weight!). I was trying to lose weight but the binging continued.
In early July I started feeling sick. I knew the feeling from previous miscarriages. But amazingly, no weight lost, I had fallen pregnant naturally against the odds. The weeks dragged by, and I dropped 3lb due to first trimester nausea.
Throughout the rest of my pregnancy I gained about 35lbs! I was 16-12 the week before my emergency section. Finally, just over 12 years after starting to TTC,my little boy (the UberDom) was born screaming and healthy. We were parents at last!
In a haze of late nights, breastfeeding and cuddles, time passed. By the time he was 6 months old, I was 16-7, barely less than my full term weight. I felt like a disgusting whale (I have a picture to prove it). I promised myself I'd lose it by the time he was a year old. But I didn't.
At 15 months old, I decided to knuckle down. I'd slowly crept down to 15-13. Through lots of walking and cc of 1600-1700 a day (still breastfeeding), I dropped 29lb in 3 months, down to 13-12 (pic to follow). We managed a date night during a weekend at my mum's which involved lovely food and pudding! And I never got back on track when we came home. September was a month long binge.
On October 7th I realised I'd gained 9lb back, and was angry with my self. Which takes us to now. Cc, still bf and trying to curb binging. It's coming off slowly and I'm now back almost to my end of August weight, but I have a long way to go to get to my 10-5 goal
Thanks for reading
sparkle83
Full Member
This week so far:
Mon 1600 ish
Tue 1800 ish
Wed 3000 (dragged out with inlaws and big homemade lasagne)
Thur 1800 ish
Fri/sat/Sun hubby on nights so easier to eat low cal dinners.
Not done any real exercise, just been too lazy hopefully Wii fit this afternoon then a couple of miles walking each for the next few days.
Mon 1600 ish
Tue 1800 ish
Wed 3000 (dragged out with inlaws and big homemade lasagne)
Thur 1800 ish
Fri/sat/Sun hubby on nights so easier to eat low cal dinners.
Not done any real exercise, just been too lazy
hopefully Wii fit this afternoon then a couple of miles walking each for the next few days.
Phoenyx
Step away from the cake..
Aww you have been through a lot but I'm sure this story will have a happy ending - after all, you're taking charge and you have your lovely little boy and DH.
I am also a binger, so know how difficult it is to curb that. Two things help me - exercise (it suppresses my appetite in the short term) and low carb. Even then, it's only been a week since my last binge! I wish you lots of luck.
I am also a binger, so know how difficult it is to curb that. Two things help me - exercise (it suppresses my appetite in the short term) and low carb. Even then, it's only been a week since my last binge! I wish you lots of luck.
sparkle83
Full Member
I struggle with exercise. Just tried to do the biggest loser on the Wii and the UberDom has had a mega strop, clinging to my legs and screaming. I love him to bits but sometimes his behaviour drives me nuts. He's a rubbish sleeper so I'm often up a few times overnight until I give in and let him sleep with me. I understand he doesn't want to be alone but it means I never feel rested or as if I have any freedom :s I also have epilepsy and had a seizure recently whilst out on my own (luckily UD was with daddy) so I've started to be a bit afraid of going out or taking UD out alone.
