Original start weight over 38 st - disgusted in myself

[tipperary]

I promise to reply to each of you over the weekend.

I think I need to be proud that I am doing a full time job which can be quite stressful.

We are happy to read your story here, we are all here to support each other without judgement, I have found great camaraderie here from people I don't know.

Put this on a sticky note and stick it on your desk

I need to be proud that I can...

and anytime things are getting on top of you finish the sentence with something positive to keep you motivated.

Have a good weekend.

 

[Bigbear]

Hi Lucy

I completely relate to your reluctance to start posting and your feelings of shame about your weight. I started at almost 29stone and lost 9 stone over two years. I've recently had a baby and am now back again to get back on the wagon. 5 stone heavier from pre-pregnancy

The most important and most positive thing is that you are where, posting regularly and getting all the support we can give you

I found it really focussing to post every day - no matter if you get responses or not - stick with it and log your journey, the good days and the bad. This forum goes through quiet phases but gradually you'll build up a little support group and everyone here is so friendly xxxx

 

[sickandtired]

Hi everyone,

Sorry I disappeared - i know this probably sounds daft but i dont like "putting myself out there" as i feel like i am being a nuisance even though i know this is ilogical as if someone doesnt want to reply they wont - i am glad i have identified this though! ☺

Just to give a quick update i have had a lovely weekend as went to ikea and bought some furniture i have had my eye on for a while. My handy friend is coming over tomorrow to start to put them together. It will be nice to get my things properly organised as i think this will help me as i embark on my new healthier lifestyle.

I am planning on still joining slimming world tomorrow. I have had the nasty voices in my head sharing all of the reasons for me not to go but the main reason for me to go is shouting louder than all of them. That reason is that i am not ready to die yet.

Sorry it got a bit dark then but think it might be helpful to read back on tommorrow when i am debating wether to go in or not.

Oooo that reminds me i am pledging here to text my consultant later on as i feel extremely nervous and i guess I would like some reassurance.

Anyway i hope that you are all sound asleep and having sweet dreams

Xx

 

[ladyfelsham]

Hello lovely - so good to hear from you!

You will just love SW - honestly, I felt the same apprehension walking through the door but the group couldn't have been lovelier - and it soon became the highlight of my week . And it gives you back control - which is a wonderful feeling.

Good luck with the furniture .

 

[Charleybarley]

You can do this - we are all behind you - and if you can't, then don't despair, you may feel stronger in a day or two. Have you considered trying it online, or do you want the in-person support?

You remind me so much of my best friend and I want to hug and squeeze you just like I do her, you are not a nuisance at all, we are all here for the same reasons, to lose weight, to be supported by others, to be supportive to others and to share hints and tips and have a little laugh and giggle along the way.

Let us know how you get on, we are here

 

[sickandtired]

I think you should change your user name to something more positive.

Good Luck on your journey and with the help on here I'm sure you will do well.

Think positive

Thank you craftermary! Xx

Its so good to have goals, I put my mini goals in my signature so I can see them every time I post.

you can do it x x

Thank you jenny, i really like that idea so i am going to borrow (steal) it!

We are all behind you and here spur you on! You've got this - you've already done the hardest thing by actually making the decision to start xx

Thank you Annie Chem! xx

I think it's great you've changed your name hun! Immediately it's a much more positive outlook to take I wish you all the best in your weight loss journey and know that we'll all be here supporting you every step of the way!

Thank you Determined_one! I really like your user name to!

I love the idea of you having plans in place to get you back on the wagon - but I think the main thing to remember (if that happens) is no guilt!

Just draw a line under it, shrug your shoulders, recognise you're human and get straight back on plan x

Thank you ladyfelsham! I have done a lot of thinking and have realised i am an all or nothing kind of person. While this can be good it doesnt help me to live a healthier lifestyle. I have done some research about my personaility type and i am going to do some more reflection and embrace my strengths and my weaknesses xx

hey, I am really glad you changed your name.

It's weird actually because you want to remember how you feel now, as this helps make sure you don't end up back at this place. But you also don't want to hate yourself, as that will just mean you turn to food for comfort.

I found weight goals helpful, and for me having an end goal was important. However i have found time goals not sustainable. Weight loss is so weird, that it is hard to predict when you will lose weight, and by how much. So i have found saying I want to lose 14lbs to get to my next goal helpful, but saying 14lbs in one month just leads to feelings of failure. Don;t feel like you have to have a goal in mind - its your journey, so do what works for you.

I found being nearly 40 stone very isolating, not least because it makes it a physical effort to go out. I am glad you found your way on here - it is helpful. and although not everyone is as big as us, there quite a few with a lot to lose. And surprisingly i have found some of the most interesting diaries from those with a little to lose. reading other people's thoughts can really highlight your own relationship with food, and in particular how we punish ourselves.

Thank you buffy, i think you have hit the nail on the head there. I wanted a username to reflect my current thoughts but realise now how much self loathing the username disgusting has attached to it.

I really like the idea of setting goals that arent attached to a time frame. My three big goals are to see a pedicurist / chiropodist once i have lost 3 stone. Highlight my hair once i have lost 10 stone and get a tattoo once i hit my interim target of 20 stone. I need to have rewards and think i would like small rewards for each half a stone or stone that i achieve. I need to think about this some more as i usually reward myself with junk food.

Xx

Great words of wisdom from everyone already. Life is tough enough and it can be hard to stay positive all the time . I went through a stage of self loathing and disgust and now know this caused me to gain more weight than anything else. It was almost like I had accepted that this is me and there is nothing I can do about it. I have no idea how or why a change came about but it did. Losing some weight for me is good but I don't see gaining any as a failure now, its a blip and can be sorted. To paraphrase Buffy, when you are big any loss at all is only good.
Here to support you and well done for the start

Thank you tipperary,

Hi S&T

Welcome back and well done on posting, I know how hard it is - I used to be on here all the time, but my constant failures led me to stop as I didn't think I was helping anyone by never really losing weight - I certainly wasn't helping myself - so I stalked off and gained more instead!

Coming back on Minis and rejoining SW is the first hurdle, let battle commence! Good luck on 4th June start. Are you doing it online or going to class?

We all have our hang ups and issues, mine is my "number" - its a really sensitive subject for me, which was in part why I don't like class, I don't like ANYONE seeing my "number", even the people who weigh you! I read Buffy's advice to you and have taken it in and do my own list and take it slowly...

We are all here to support and encourage and learn. I love this site and I can't believe I shied away from it for so long too!

xxx

Thank you charleybarley. I joined a class last night. It had a good vibe so it has helped my positivity levels. Thank you for sharing that i am glad that i am not the only one who has sied away from here.

I feel a little sad reading the first post. sickandtired you have NO reason to hide. No one here is judging you and anyone who does, well they're really not worth your consideration.

Focus on the positives - you are here NOW. Today is the first day of your life and all that.

Be proud of the fact you're here and you're moving forward.

Thank you and! ☺

We are happy to read your story here, we are all here to support each other without judgement, I have found great camaraderie here from people I don't know.

Put this on a sticky note and stick it on your desk

I need to be proud that I can...

and anytime things are getting on top of you finish the sentence with something positive to keep you motivated.

Have a good weekend.

Thank you tipperary, i like that idea!

Hi Lucy

I completely relate to your reluctance to start posting and your feelings of shame about your weight. I started at almost 29stone and lost 9 stone over two years. I've recently had a baby and am now back again to get back on the wagon. 5 stone heavier from pre-pregnancy

The most important and most positive thing is that you are where, posting regularly and getting all the support we can give you

I found it really focussing to post every day - no matter if you get responses or not - stick with it and log your journey, the good days and the bad. This forum goes through quiet phases but gradually you'll build up a little support group and everyone here is so friendly xxxx

Thank you bigbear, i am so proud of you for getting back on the wagon. Thanks also for the reassurance, i always worry about annoying / disturbing people.

Xx

 

[tipperary]

Great to hear that things are looking a little better.

You can do this, but in your way and in your own time

 

[Charleybarley]

Hey

Well done for going to class, a big step. Is it a nice class? Did you feel welcomed and supported? I love your mini goals too! Pedicurist, highlights and tattoo!!! I told my husband that when I lose a stone I want to go to this restaurant called Bird where they sell fried chicken in waffles - I guess there's not much hope for me is there?! Celebrating the loss of a stone with a massive meal !

 

[ladyfelsham]

Well done for getting to class, and I'm so happy you enjoyed it - and love your goals. I go to a chiropodist every couple of months and oh boy do I feel fab afterwards!

 

[sickandtired]

Thank you all so much for your support. I just wanted to confirm that I did join slimming world and all in all it was a good experience.

I had the new members talk and it was nice to hear how enthusiastic the consultant was - she was covering the class last week so am looking forward to getting to know my proper consultant more - I have met her before a few times briefly.

I guess the reason i kind of avoided talking about it here is that i was ashamed of my start weight even though i knew what it was likely to be *deep breath* last monday i was 38st 5.5lb. Although i was sad i wasnt devastated which kind of surprised me - i think generally i have this feeling of failure about me and i am surprised when i dont feel this way. I think there was a small part of me that was hoping / believing i wasnt that weight again.

Anyway i just wanted to say hi and thanks again. Will talk again soon. Tomorrow i will post whatever my weight change is (it will hopefully be a loss as i was out on friday for my friends hen do - but whatever happens i made the choices i did so going to stick by them - i like this as silly as it sounds i feel a little empowered by it).

Also i am planning on taking a photo of my lunch and breakfast tomorrow along with my new lunch bag from ikea as i am very proud of it!

Xx

 

[tipperary]

Is it a little green bag?

 

[ladyfelsham]

Looking forward to seeing your menus - and your new bag!

 

[Charleybarley]

Soooooo, how did you get on on your first week? Did you have class last night?

xx

 

[Vintage Girl]

Hi S +T,

I read your opening post and wanted to give you a big hug and am so pleased that you plucked up the courage to join an SW group. You were braver than me, I went down the online route as was too nervous to go to group at my biggest so well done. I really hope this is the start of something great for you. I was over 30st when I started my diet in April 2016 and so far I am down to 13st 11lbs so it does work as a plan and I hope it works for you too. I won't lie it hasn't been easy but tbh it hasn't been as hard as I thought it was going to be either and it has been well worth it because as cheesy as it sounds I actually do feel (and look) like a new person now. Keep up the good work and use this site for extra support as everyone here is lovely and no one judges anyone, no matter how much or how little they have to lose, or how fast or slow the journey is.

Good Luck xx

 

[Bigbear]

Hiya, would love to hear how you're getting on xxxx

 

[MrsThomas35]

Hello

I used to be a member but made a new account as i need to be anonymous as i am sharing my weight.

I joined sw almost a year ago and found i was 38st 3lb i lost some weight but stopped going to class as i had work commitments.

I feel totally disgusted in myself of how i have let myself get to this.

I am rejoining sw on the 4th june

Good Luck! Everyone has to start somewhere!

 

[Jem1905]

Just wanted to pop in and say hello!!

I was and at times still in a similar head space to you. I have Instagram which tends to help keep me positive however I have never released my weight on there as no dieters can see it and the judgment isn't worth it for me. This in the only place where I have ever revealed my weight. I dragged my large ass to SW at the start of 2016 saying I was going to be that person like in the magazine that will lose 10 stone in a year.... hahaha hahaha! Please please please realize not matter how long it takes a stone is still a stone.

I first weighed in expecting to be about 25 stone maybe just touching 26 at a push... 27 Stone popped up and I was so hurt it was insane. Since putting my weights up on here it drives me forward and it's nice to see it coming down so nicely. Despite the odd gains (Guess being a greedy chocoholic isn't so easy to overcome)

I saw an image recently, well a few actually. "one percent body fat at a time" This is kind of sticks with me, another way "A mile is a mile no matter how long it takes" Of course adjusting this to weight loss it doesn't matter how long it takes you the fact you're doing something about it is freaking amazing! Don't beat yourself up. It's a blooming hard road but it is very much worth it. Have faith, don't feel ashamed, we are all here for you!!! x