Ossireo's Diary

[Ossireo]

I seem to be always thinking about restarting and getting nowhere. I am very much an emotional eater and most certainly an excellent self saboteur.

I started work at the end of May this year after staying at home with my son following a voluntary redundancy and a recovery from a seven year period of depression and anxiety. I managed to start to lose weight after the removal of my Mirena Coil (which to this day I am convinced was the main cause of many of my problems) and started at 16st 6lbs and over the year lost 2 stone.

Since starting work and having my partner move in with me I have struggled. The jump into full time work was hard and my relationship is not an easy one as we both have many insecurities and both always seem to be on the defensive which leads to a fair bit of bickering, which in turn usually leads to my downfall with food. This then leads to me getting very angry with myself as I feel disappointed and very much a failure.

Ultimately the idea behind creating a diary and it being more than just a food diary is to maybe be a place to offload when I feel upset. I wish it could be a way to stop the constant bickering, maybe in time it will be as I may not let things bottle up so much if I waffle on here about them. I want things to work with my diet and I want things to work with my OH, just sometimes I wish they could be a bit smoother and relaxed.

This weekend has been a very indulgent one. It was my birthday on 17th, my cousins wedding on 19th and Legoland on 20th so myself, mum and son spent 3 nights in a hotel and we have pretty much eaten anything and everything in sight. My weigh day is on Wednesday and some weeks I cannot make it to class as work can run over at times.

I know this week is going to be a massive gain but the line needs to drawn as I am not going to back into 18's dammit! There are 14 weeks left in 2009 and by the start of 2010 I want to be firmly in the 13st bracket.

I will update here as and when I feel the need, whether is be good, bad or downright ugly!

 

[tfmd]

Osserio
Welcome and good luck with your weight loss...
I found it interesting the point you made about the Mirens coil.
I've had that for about 5 years (i've had 2) could that be the cause of my weight gain over the last coupla years...Worth asking the doc I think. Thanks

Again good luck with SW

Hil

 

[Ossireo]

I think it could be worth checking out. I joined SW about 2 years before I had the coil removed and did it 100% for 3 weeks and did not lose a lb, my weight was practically fixed at 16st 6lbs for nearly 7 years.

My depression and anxiety had developed from PND and the doctor was convinced it was work stress as I could not bear to be outside the house and just wanted to hide away. I ended up running off with my redundancy money thinking it would cure all but I got worse! Within 3 weeks of the coil being removed I had dramatically changed, it was like a black cloud was removed, it was so drastic that my GP was shocked and ended up referring my history up the line as a potential problem with the coil.

My only advice would be that if you think something has changed for the worse since having the coil and you have another method of contraception you can use then consider changing just to see. I just wish I had done it years earlier!

 

[Ossireo]

It's quite strange, almost feel I woke up on wrong side of bed this morning. I think it may have been down to nerves on what was waiting for me in work and the annoyance of my reoccuring problem "down below"

Been good so far on plan, Crunchy Bran, Yogurt and Banana for breakfast, a syned Alpen Light at 11 and mum made me a nice omlette with ratatouille for lunch.

Got text off OH to say he has got his hours (he works for Subway and they do 2 week rotas) and out of 11 shifts he is doing 5 closes .. dispite asking several times to do as few as possible as he is the only person without transport. So when he does a close I have to pick him up at 11pm, this means that my mum has to babysit my DS and both me and mum are early sleepers so it throws us all off balance! However if he did opens it would be a lot easier as I would drop him in first then come back to get DS ready for school .. but they flat refuse to let him open just because he closes better than anyone else

So cue a mini strop from me suggesting we need to do something as this cant go on etc etc does he need to get a bedsit close to work, get a moped, cycle .. just something so he can be mobile! Now he isn't talking to me and I feel SO guilty I want to cry. A job is a job and I should be happy to ferry him around I suppose but it feels like a total pain when I have been in work all day myself and I just want to go to bed early. Maybe I just need to get a decent lump of petrol money off him as at the moment it is doubling my fuel consumption when I have to taxi him and that makes me feel a bit stressed as I dislike having to ask for money

Am I being too selfish getting fed up with the late nights and wanting my sleep? I know I can trust you folks to be brutally honest with me xx