Other people's expectations

[Hazelnut]

I'm not sure how to phrase this... do you ever find people's expectations of your weight loss a bit strange?

To explain, I've been quite heavy for a long time, long enough I suppose that people are used to the idea of me being big. But I've been on a diet for three months now, have lost just over two stone... yet when I talk to people about my weightloss, I get the impression they think I've finished now. It's like the idea that I could get down to a size twelve never even occurs to them, they still think to me a successful diet will leave me bigger than average.

It makes me wonder if I'm being a bit unrealistic thinking I could be a normal size!

 

[KD]

Oh yes, yes, yes! I found that.

People were really just expecting me to be a slimmer overweight person. They seemed to find it difficult to imagine me slim.

I remember picking someone up on it. She had said that I didn't need to lose any more weight and when I queried it, and compared my own weight to her own, she said "yes...but you're not me...you are big". I didn't take offence. She's a lovely girl, and certainly didn't mean it quite as it came out. She didn't mean it in a derogatory way. It was just that she had compartmentalized me. Put me in the overweight/obese bracket....always to remain there.

I suppose, when you look at it, the majority of overweight/obese people, even when dieting, stay overweight/obese. Either that, or they get down lower but only for a short time and when they have always known us big, it's hard for them to see us in any other way.

They did get used to it though, and now many of my colleagues can't visualise me as a big person, which I find really weird after just 3 years.

 

[MzMonday]

I had a similar experience. I told my mother about my weight loss since getting my puppy and her responce was that I am "slender enough" as it is. Definately not the case as I am medically overweight, but she seemed bothered by the idea that I was trying to lose the weight at all and she was very upset with me. I don't think I will mention it to her again.

I think it stems from the fact that most of my family is not just overweight, but obese. Even though I am firmly at the higher end of the overweight catagory I am still one of the less heavy people at a family reunion. Still, after the experience with my mother I don't think I will be discussing this with my family members as I don't know what their reactions will be.

Hopefully you will find some more supportive people during your journey, other than those on the board, that is

 

[IrishMum]

In a way I find it hard myself to visualise myself as a 'slim' person. A few years ago I got down to my all-time low of 10 1/2st (from 17st!) and everyone was saying I was 'too' skinny- er...how!! I'm 5ft 2" so definately wasn't too skinny! LOL! Thats my goal this time around because I know I can get there- I find it hard to say I could ever be say 9 1/2stone...it just seems unattainable? Maybe thats just me though....

 

[Hazelnut]

Thanks for the replies

I've had a couple of people commenting on my weightloss in ways I thought were slightly odd, but this morning I was chatting to my mum about being a bridesmaid next year... her response 'yes, you might be down to a size fourteen by then!' in a very encouraging tone! And I don't know how my diet will go up to then, but this wedding is in nine months' time, and I'm already on the small side for a size sixteen!

I do also find it hard to visualise myself as 'thin', but at the same time I do find it surprising that people think I would set myself a goal which would still leave me overweight and fat

 

[TeddyP]

Yeah, I can definitly relate with that.

I think one thing that I have found helpful is to fully explain my goals, at the least to the people closest to me. I have explained pretty in depth to people really close to me. Like short term and long term goals.

This helps in a couple ways, one they can help keep you motivated and two it avoids awkward situations like some of the above ones.

 

[SparklingFairy]

Noo, dont think that. People just take a while to get used to the new us. I was always told that I needed to stop losing weight because I was getting too small, even though My BMI was still in the overweight range. Just listen to your body and stay healthy, thats all you can do.

 

[MzMonday]

I am positive you will make size 14 or lower in 9 months. You are going to make a stunning bridesmaid

 

[totty]

It must be similar for all of us.....

I have always been big (well i am 5ft 7, but have a large frame/broad shoulders etc and big boobs) ....and people just got used to me being me....

when i got to my slimmest before xmas last year i was sick and tired of people who i hadnt seen for a while saying "you have lost weight....are you ill??"

i felt like poking them ...with a large stick :whoopass:

 

[Tubs]

I think other people have an idea of who we are, and they don't like to see us change. Not in a malicious way, they just have us catagorised in their mind and don't want to have to change their thinking lol

For instance, one of my sisters still sees me as the 'baby' of the family, she still wouldn't pass on bad news to me, she tries to protect me from anything that could possibly upset me, but the fact is, that I'm almost 31yrs old, I'm married with 3 kids, I have all the normal 'worries' that come with that and manage to deal with them without falling apart, but she can't see that in her mind. To her, I'm still her baby sister, she sees me at the same age I was when she left home, 11!

But I don't have to be that little girl just because that's how she sees me And I don't have to be fat just because some of my friends have never seen me thin and are more comfortable with the way they see me now

 

[Taz]

People don't like change and find it hard to believe that someone can go from being very large to very small. I think a lot of people assume I am happy where I am and that I have finished with the weight loss simply because I have stuck at this size for a while. So many times when I say I still need to lose weight I am met with comments like "What for?! You look great!" and "No way, you don't want to get too skinny" but I am far from skinny and I don't think I look great. I am a 14-16 and although that is the average size for women I am still not happy with my body and I KNOW I have more weight to lose and I will lose it. I think sometimes though that people make these comments to try to be kind and think they are complimenting but I don't see it that way, I would rather people were honest