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Please help me - advice needed. Feel like Ive lost my way in life.

#1
I am gearing up to do this diet again ... first time around I lost 7 stone ... now Ive put almost all of it back on again. I feel like a **** for doing it. (sorry for language but that is honestly how I feel about it) Ive been big for as long as I remember then I slim down to 15-3, then let it all go again ! :mad:
Trouble is even though i must do it again, not sure if I honestly can. Thoughts of food keep coming into my head.

Also, one of the reasons that I feel I must lose the weight again in fast time (which is why Im choosing CD again) is that I am a best man at my mates wedding end of October (and I have about 4 and half stone I want to lose.) Left it too late, yeh I know, but to get as low as I can is my aim. Trouble is, Im thinking soo much about getting down that low for the wedding, if I dont do it I am going to be very very upset and think I am letting my mate down (which I know is stupid) but that is how I feel. I wish I could accept my body how it is now (whilst I slim down.) If you look at my diary (linked on this thread) you can tell I was "in the CD zone" back then ... if only I can get back there.

Also, I need to somehow change my outlook on this diet journey, and somehow change my mentality around eating food so my life is not controlled by it (again!)

If only I didnt put all that weight back on again ....

Any help, encouragement, advice etc.. would be very, very appreciated as I feel it is needed very much at the minute.

Thanks for reading all of this.
Paul.
 
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Isis

Ancient Egypt Nut!
#2
Hiya Paul :)

Deep breaths mate :hug99:

As someone who has been round the CD wheel 3 times now I do understand what you're saying about feeling you must do it but wondering if you really can. This is a toughy as you say you have this wedding in October and I can sense the pressure you feel under in your post.

I'm not sure what is best to say to you here:confused:
Whether to fire you up and say come on you can do CD and shift the weight you want by October OR say, how about looking at an alternative weightloss programme that you do feel you can do, eat conventionally on and still lose at least half if not more of the total you want:confused:.

What I DO know about CD is that if you are not 100% in the right headzone it will be very difficult if not impossible to maintain a VLCD. Then you risk the downward spiral with your mood and how it can lead into self destructive behaviour. :(
Just my opinion here but have you even looked at any other weightloss approach as you do sound a bit as though you are considering CD in panic mode at the moment:confused:

Don't know if any of this has helped but I couldn't just read your post and not reply :)

Isis xx
 

chickenpie

Cambridge Diet Councellor
#3
Paul,
You can do it!! You have done so well before on CD, by losing 7 stone you can definately do it again! The key is getting the right mind set before you start, think positive thoughts, such as 'I can really do this', and I deserve to be slim!
You will be amazed at how much easier the diet will be, if you adopt this approach!

If the thought of going back to sole source fills you with dread, what about trying a higher plan? You could still have fab losses on say the 810 (average of 10-12lb's a month) and this would permit you a protein based meal in addition to your 3 packs.

The upcoming wedding should be brilliant motivation for you, don't worry about letting your friend down if you don't get to target, he wants you there because you are a friend, not for what you look like!
You have approx 2 months to get some weight off, however much you manage to lose, will make you feel so much better!
Good luck I really hope you find the strength and motivation you need to crack it this time!!
 
#4
Hi Paul

I had to think for a while before posting my instinctive reply. I was a bridesmaid (one of three) for a close friend about twenty years ago. Unfortunately my plan to lose weight didn't work out and I ended up being the rather large one next to two very pretty and slim girls. I used to cringe when I saw a wedding photograph on display at my friend's house (with me in it) but she has always been adamant that I looked lovely, and that most importantly, I was a loyal, supportive and calming presence on one of the most important days of her life.

I would encourage you to start losing weight as it will improve your appearance and confidence on the day, but as chickenpie says "he wants you there because you are a friend".
Wishing you lots of luck!
 
#5
your mate won't care how you look or what you weigh, he asked you to be his best man and i think that says it all so don't feel you are letting him down - i'm sure he wouldn't want you to feel that way

i hope you decide to get back on the CD wagon, i'm only on day four and it's getting boring but i'm just thinking of my end goal and from then on it will come down to a simple equation... if i don't burn off the calories that i eat during the day then i will put on weight. i have 8 weeks to get that into my head lol

good luck paul :)
 

alipally

Serial Dieter!
#6
Hey Paul,

Read your post, went away made a coffee and thought about how to reply...
I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but having been there and done that, I'm going to say it anyway....

IMO you are not ready to do a VLCD, and until your head is in the right place, you should not break your spirit by attempting to start SS. It took me 18 months of failed attempts, I finally gave it up and lost 5.5 stone on 1200 calories... only recently have I found the right frame of mind to start again and I'm now on day 30... no blips and it's a breeze, so I fully understand how you are feeling.

It would be better to start a slimming club (Slimming World is bloke friendly;)) and get your butt down to the gym... If you can afford it, pay for the services of a Personal trainer, they will help you achieve your aims. As a man it is entirely possible that you can achieve fantastic results by taking this route, and you will not be 'punished' on the scales, should you succumb to a few pints and a kebab.....

As everyone else has said, your mate has asked you to be his best man, he has NOT said that you can be his best man IF you lose weight. He wants you by his side as he commits to the woman he loves.... regardless of your size. Please, please don't torture yourself.

Best of luck mate, I hope you make a decision that you are comfortable with. Whatever it is us lot on minimins will support you.
:)
 
#7
Hi Paul

i can relate to that i lost a lot of weight around 7 stone on the paul mckenna diet 2 years ago within 1 year was all back on and a bit more

this year i was best man for a wedding and thought also time to get myself sorted as was heavily overweight i have done cambridge 6 months done jsut over 8 stone now and feel really good. i m now starting to up the plans but i am going to be so careful for a long long time i cant ever jump up even 2 stone again let alone 8 stone!!

i wish you luck you know you can do it its just then after being contorlled to keep it off like i have too now!
 
#8
Wow Paul,

You have had so much fantastic advice so far from everyone that I really don't thonk that there is anything that I can add to it really.

All I can say is that food only ever gives us that instant gratification, and being fit and healty is life changing.

Just before I started this diet NOTHING could have changed my mind about starting it and there were no doubts in my mind. If you still have doubts you need to ask yourself why?

This diet can be hard but once you get into it it's plain sailing.

Good luck with what you decide is best for your life.
 

Tracey1404

Enjoyin' my journey....
#9
Hey Paul - firstly I really do empathise. I have been on a circle of trying to lose weight, and having food as my best friend, enemy and tormentor for many years. I can only share my experience. I was feeling very much like you before I started CD, but didn't want to wait any longer before doing something. I decided I needed one meal a day, but beyond that for all worry about food to be taken away so I chose SS+. It has simplified things for me - I know what I can have and when. I made a conscious decision not to consider what I can't have. I'm not having it, so I am chosing not to think about it (works 85% of the time!!). In rough moments I just leave the house, walk around for a couple of minutes, come back and drink a glass of water. It's early days, but I feel I have a strategy and rhythym that will work.

Please dont be so hard on yourself, we love our friends not for what they look like, but for who they are. I am sure your friend wants only your company, and doesn't give a 2nd thought to your weight. Good luck.
 
#10
Hi Paul

Not sure there is much I can add to the great advice given already but didn't want to read and run.

The one thing that stood out to me more than anything in your post is your use of the word "must" rather than "want". I spent many years battling with my weight because I felt I "must" or I "should" but it was an uphill struggle because no matter how much I thought I ought to lose weight I wasn't in a place where I truly wanted to.

I wouldn't rush into anything because you feel a pressure to do so, that pressure is only going to be counter productive. You need to take some time to think about what it is you want and how best to achieve it. I am sure you have already spent many an hour thinking about it but do give some thought as to why you regained some of your weight, until you are able to identify what triggers you to eat and how to cope with that the yo-yoing will continue - I spent 15 years in that up and down world!

Sending hugs
xxx
 

Big H

Silver Member
#11
I am gearing up to do this diet again ... first time around I lost 7 stone ... now Ive put almost all of it back on again. I feel like a **** for doing it. (sorry for language but that is honestly how I feel about it) Ive been big for as long as I remember then I slim down to 15-3, then let it all go again ! :mad:
Trouble is even though i must do it again, not sure if I honestly can. Thoughts of food keep coming into my head.

Also, one of the reasons that I feel I must lose the weight again in fast time (which is why Im choosing CD again) is that I am a best man at my mates wedding end of October (and I have about 4 and half stone I want to lose.) Left it too late, yeh I know, but to get as low as I can is my aim. Trouble is, Im thinking soo much about getting down that low for the wedding, if I dont do it I am going to be very very upset and think I am letting my mate down (which I know is stupid) but that is how I feel. I wish I could accept my body how it is now (whilst I slim down.) If you look at my diary (linked on this thread) you can tell I was "in the CD zone" back then ... if only I can get back there.

Also, I need to somehow change my outlook on this diet journey, and somehow change my mentality around eating food so my life is not controlled by it (again!)

If only I didnt put all that weight back on again ....

Any help, encouragement, advice etc.. would be very, very appreciated as I feel it is needed very much at the minute.

Thanks for reading all of this.
Paul.
A very similar story to me mate. I lost 7 stone in 2006 (went from 22 stone 8 to 15 stone 2) and put over 4 stone back on. I was best man at my mates wedding, but didn't lose any weight, so was miserable all day. I lost all 4 stone again and then put it all on again. Since then I have been up and down in a 2 stone cycle. I hear what you are saying about wanted to lose it quickly. When you have a lot to lose and you have already felt the high of having lost it and feeling slim, it's very difficult to take a long term view because the prize seems so far away. If you have succeded once you can do it again, so I would suggest 2 things. A.) Do CD one last time, get to goal and then hopefully stay there. or b.) Look at doing an alternative diet and take a longer term approach (don't worry about the wedding, that's one day in your life) and try and lose the weight in a more conventional and sustainable way

Just set your mind to what you are going to do and DO IT!!!

Good luck
 
#12
Hi, just wanted to say that i felt exactly like you 15 weeks ago. I lost 9 stone, put all but half a stone back on and hated myself. I was doing what my boyfriend calls the 'pod' diet (choc - not sure if they do them in UK) and was consuming about 2000 cals a day in choc/choc milk/cakes/biscuits without all the other food and was OBSESSED!!!!
15 weeks ago i started back again and have to date lost 4 stone. I think as a bloke you have got a good chance of 4 stone in 2-2.5 months but even if you set yourself a goal of 3 stone, you will already start to feel amazing and look amazing too.
I get the feeling that you want to lose this weight badly for the wedding so take a deep breath and start - one day at a time. Remember, the first 3-4 days are the worst and as soon as ketosis kicks in youll feel great and youll already be down about half a stone!
GO FOR IT - you CAN do it!!!!!
All the best.
 

binibikini

supposed to be working!
#13
I've just seen this Paul. You know you have it in you. Those
Successes you had last time on CD are STILL INSIDE OF YOU and yes you can do it again. Stay on this site for the wonderful support the people offer. I’m feeling very much the same as you hun but am determined to get back on the wagon and do it. An important piece of advice (which I want to follow myself, going forward) have a plan for what you would do if you had a blip. Keeping thatplan in your back pocket might help and will keep you from doing what I did this week i.e. ok, one blip, I failed, let’s eat.
Good luck!
 
#14
Hi Paul, you have had such great advice so far that all I will say id good luck hon with whatever you decide to do. If you want to lose the weight SOOOO badly in time for the wedding then you WILL and you could lose 4-5 stone in 2.5 months as a male.

Best of luck x
 

Isis

Ancient Egypt Nut!
#15
Paul, how are you doing? :)