please help me help my DH

[sazzy34]

Have you thought that he may be jelous of you for doing so well, I don`t mean in a nasty way just an envious way.
Over the last 20 years all I have heard is " If I can lose weight anyone can" from slimming books, conversations, anywhere really and it really made me feel under pressure and also people saying oh its January again and she`s joining ww,sw again!!!!!!!!! for me to stop by sumer having lost only 1 stone
I really thought cd would be like that, but I was ready to do it for me on my terms with no pressure.

You could be a perfect role model and support for him but only when HE is ready.
Does he have anyone to talk to about it or someone to do a bit of exercise with to support him.
Hope all goes well for both of you x

 

[Barb]

I think the advice to steer him towards Minimins is an excellent idea. Amongst the company on here he would find support and encouragement and understanding. If he could just see the weight loss journey as a slow and steady one rather than setting goals that don't get achieved, he would get spurred on by his own success.
Could he try cutting down at one meal a day Monday to Friday and relax a bit at the weekend. I think the problem with DH's who work away during the week, weekends tend to become 'celebrations'; well they did in our house. My DH would get back on a Friday evening and we would have a super meal together with wine etc.. and catch up with each other, then Saturday we would meet up with friends and go out for dinner and then Sunday we would be feeling a bit down if he was off again so we would have a nice lunch and probably another lovely home cooked meal to 'make up for all the restaurant food he was having!!!' Recipe for weight gain!

I think you are suffering what husbands suffer the world over; we all moan about our weight, do something about it, don't do something about it, either way we go on about it. It must be pretty tedious for the listener.
If only he could see a diet as a small tweak to his life rather than the punishment he doesn't want to face. That would be the key to succcess.

Best wishes to both of you.

 

[JustJo]

Hmm... I think everyone is being a bit hard on you, to be honest.

I can totally see where you're coming from. No disrespect to your husband (I don't know the guy, so I wouldn't want to assume anything), but it sounds to me as if he's being a tad manipulative over this, and, to be honest, a bit of a baby. From what I understand, it was his idea to embark on CD, and he constantly talks about wanting to lose weight. Yet, on the other hand, he lies to you about eating, tells you that he couldn't possibly eat a small salad, says that he can't stick to it if you're eating, and guilts you into not going out by saying that he'll eat if you do. I can understand that you just want him to be healthy, and, perhaps moreso, I can understand how the whole thing, and having to put your life on hold whilst he gets his arse into gear, is getting you down!

I think you need to talk to him about it, but to basically say it's time to put up or shut up! Of course, I know how hard it is to lose weight, as I tried loads of times before embarking on cd - however, it's time your hubby stopped whining and looking for excuses, and started taking responsibility for himself! He either wants to do this or he doesn't. Either decision is fine (it's his life, after all), but if he chooses to carry on with cd then it's unfair of him to keep using you as a crutch, and saying 'I can't' - actually, he can just eat a small salad, go without food whilst you're out, etc, so he needs to stop protesting about what he can't do, and just get on with it! If he really feels that he 'can't', then i'd suggest that cd isn't the right diet for him. With his current frame of mind, i'm not sure that any diet is right for him at the moment.

Anyhow, maybe i'm now the one being to hard, except on your husband rather than you! As someone else said, has he tried Atkins? Men do tremendously well on that, as they can effectively still eat huge portions, and they tend to like big, meaty meals!

I'm not sure any of that is of any help! I guess I just wanted to have my say. If I were in your shoes, i'd be quite harsh (in a charming way, of course ) and tell him to stop being such a baby!


Jo x

 

[MsJMC]

I have to say Beverley you are right , its the child coming out in him saying if she goes out he will eat , i would say well you are only hurting yourself by doing so . Misscooks you cant put your life on hold , go out with your friends .

 

[Sambucca]

Misscooks, Im with Jo on this one. I think people have been a little bit too hard on you about this. I admire your courage for coming to minimins with this problem instead of trying to deal with it alone.

I do think that ulitmately your husband is the one who needs to make the decisions about his weight. I also agree that he has been quite manipulative and is trying to make you feel guilty for having a life and him needing to lose weight.

You need to have a real heart to heart. You need to tell him you love him exactly how he is and his weight is not an issue to you, and that you understand exactly how he feels after spending years overweight yourself. But tell him you are worried for his health because of his family history and that you will support him in whatever decision he makes.

Offer to help him find a more suitable diet, and calculate what BMI he needs to be to drop out of the obese category. if he shortens his goal to being overweight instead of being a healthy weight then the road ahead may not seem so daunting for him.

Good luck to you and your hubby.
xxx

 

[JustJo]

Misscooks, Im with Jo on this one. I think people have been a little bit too hard on you about this. I admire your courage for coming to minimins with this problem instead of trying to deal with it alone.

I do think that ulitmately your husband is the one who needs to make the decisions about his weight. I also agree that he has been quite manipulative and is trying to make you feel guilty for having a life and him needing to lose weight.

You need to have a real heart to heart. You need to tell him you love him exactly how he is and his weight is not an issue to you, and that you understand exactly how he feels after spending years overweight yourself. But tell him you are worried for his health because of his family history and that you will support him in whatever decision he makes.

Offer to help him find a more suitable diet, and calculate what BMI he needs to be to drop out of the obese category. if he shortens his goal to being overweight instead of being a healthy weight then the road ahead may not seem so daunting for him.

Good luck to you and your hubby.
xxx

Thanks, Sam (thought i'd get shot down for my response, although there's still time yet!).

I agree with you about the obesity issue. I believe that a healthy BMI is unrealistic for a lot of men anyway, as blokes differ so much in body type. I always tell my male clients that i'd be happy to just see them come out of the obese category and get below a BMI of 30.


Jo x