Hi Dundermifflin,
Well. Not having got there yet I can't say I've had your problem. Previously I've lost a lot of weight and not had people recognise me which amused and flattered me but I will admit that when they said how good I looked now a perverse part of me was a bit angered that they must have thought I looked pretty bad before.
Self esteem does sound like your biggest issue now. I don't know much about how to boost it but would you believe me if I said that were I thirty or so years younger I would turn round in the street to look at you with interest? You look good and obviously have a brain, having just graduated.
Now you will be moving on from uni (I presume?) you will be going into a new world where no one will have known the old you. You can present any persona you like. Dressing well and having a good positive posture can influence the way people perceive you and if they feel good about you that will boost your self esteem.
Something I do know about is how we can sabotage ourselves with negative thoughts, if someone is continually saying to themselves I can't do this, or this won't work for me then it is like a continual self hypnosis situation whereby they are believing what they say about themselves and it comes true so continuing the cycle.
So changing your internal dialogue can help. Try looking at yourself in a mirror and assessing your good points. Repeat to yourself a positive statement about yourself in the present tense. Only you can work out what is exactly right. Something positive about yourself that you can believe, and say it three times in the present tense. 'I .. (your name) am a kind and goodlooking person worthy of a loving relationship' or something along those lines. Not too long a statement though.
I have been taught that putting it into dramatic language makes your brain take more notice. I was also taught when I was in therapy some years back that doing this in different persons helps too so you do it three times as ' I (name) am ....'
Then three times as 'he, (name) is ...
and then three times is 'You (name) are ...'
which helps counteract the messages we have received directly and indirectly from others.
but I've not seen this advice elsewhere. I found it effective.
This seems a good article on using positive affirmations:
Affirmations - Positive Words for Improving Life
You are good looking and intelligent young man and you will find women who are interested in you and have good relationships. I am positive this will happen for you.
Off I go now to put this into practice myself, I need some reminders to carry on with my own SW plan.
