Preparing for goal... a bit lost and confused!

[Bagpuss]

Well, folks, I'm 3 lb off my initial goal of 11 stone. I've come down over a couple of years from 20 stone 7 lb, so I set a goal right at the top of my healthy weight range. Might shift that another half stone when I get there - hopefully in another week to 10 days.

However ... all kinds of weird things are happening to my head, now the end is in sight! Not only am I picking, but I seem to be kind of tripping myself up in other ways. For example, I'm more critical about my body now then I was at my heaviest, and noticing flaws in myself I didn't when I had a very obvious weight propblem to focus on. I get down about signs of ageing, loose skin, my skin texture, and just feel at times really pants that at the end of all this, I'm never going to be 25 again, never going to have a smooth tummy, never going to look good naked. I compare myself with other women far, far more than I used to.

It's as though I've moved from some kind of status of 'looking good for a big woman' to 'looking avarage for a normal size woman' and I can't understand why I'm doing this to myself!

So I think some kind of psychological changes are happening and I'd just like to feel I could put them in some sort of context. Is it normal to feel like this? How have other people felt as they approached target? Are there any threads or articles I could read to take me on to the next step? I feel totally unprepared for the life beyond dieting in every sense!

Hope this doesn't sound overly depressing or 'ungrateful'!

xxx

 

[icemoose]

Hiya

Oh my word I could have written your post.

It is absolutely normal!! When you are big you can put everything down to being big but now you aren't you suddenly look for everything else, at the moment I am debating what to do about my teeth as they aren't white enough!! and then it will be having a skin tag removed from my arm etc etc etc. I am afraid we are destined to never really be truely happy in the bodies we have, the only solice I take is that when I speak to my permanently slim friends they are very very self critical as well so i tend to think most of us are like it.

Anyway all i can say is that you are totally normal and nothing strange about the way you are thinking.

Mike

 

[Bagpuss]

Thanks Mike. It's good to know that other people struggle with this too (well, not 'good' - because I know how frustrating it feels.)

It's like coming into another world, isn't it. I'm slowly starting to realise that I was very wrong in thinking that I/ people with obvious weight issues were the only ones walking around feeling inadequate. Logic tells you it can't be so, because if it were then the beauty industry wouldn't exist for 'normal' people, but nonetheless it's a shock to begin to understand that sooo many people who look perfect to my eyes are also hung up on the way they look. If I'm honest I imagined that when I got to goal, I'd never feel a critical thought about myself again, and couldn't understand why anyone without a weight problem wouldn't be overjoyed with their bodies.

So it feels like a new and scary world of competition and new standards that we're now expected to live up to. Without the comfort blanket of being fat, this sudden change in temperature feels kind of threatening. I guess this is the period when self-image and beliefs about yourself, as well as the old problems that had us all gain weight in the first place, need to go back to school. Or maybe just find a focus in life and new projects that aren't about the body (I too am a bit lost there.)

(Having said that - if you're going to have one thing done cosmetically, teeth whitening does give you a lot of confidence, a quick payoff and is relatively cheap. I got it done with dental trays 6 months ago, and it has made a huge physical difference - probably the only cosmetic option that doesn't come with a sting in the tail.)

Thanks again - take care.

 

[Sez]

Hi Bagpuss!!

I fully understand where you are coming from on this one! I started LL at about 20 stone. So far 7 have gone, and I have set my goal, for the time being, at 10 stone, which is the upper limit for my height.

Even with 3 stone left to go I am beginning to be much more critical of my appearance than I ever was at 20 stone. I guess I used the weight as the reason for not looking perfect, but did the best I felt I could. Now all I can see is a stomach like a shar-pei puppy, and the bingo-wings are so utterly revolting! My neck now resembles a turkey, my thighs are not just dimply now, but dimply and wobbly!!

But, and its a huge but, I am feeling better than ever. I can hide most of these perceived problems under my clothes, although I am considering surgery on my arms. (I was thinking of a TT at the end of all this, but I have my doubts now....) My previously shoulder length hair has been cut off, and if I say so myself, looks great, and hey I have cheekbones!

Of course we all have day when we can only see the negatives, but look at what you have done!! How great is that!! I am sure you are a beautiflu person, inside & out!! Value yourself, and the world is your oyster!!

 

[Bagpuss]

Thanks Sez and many congrats on all that weight loss. You're doing so well!

Don't get me started on bingo wings (or puppy stomach, wrinkly thighs, saggy boobs, droopy bum)... I've found myself walking around town doing mental calcs about the number of CS proceedures I'd need to feel OK and it has to stop, doesn't it. Because if you started down that road, where would you stop...?

And yep, hurray for magic knickers and cap sleeve tops! My bingo wings started to shrink in the last stone, by the way - didn't think they would, but they have - so don't give up hope.

Here's to cherishing our cheekbones and focusing on the positive. Like: we're off on holiday to a spa now, and I'm going to be swimming, and actually booking a massage (would never do this before.) Get this: I used to be a size 30. I walked into Next yesterday and asked for a size 16 in a jacket I wanted and the assistant looked me up and down, shook her head, and said no, she'd get me a 14. She 'll never know how good that felt or how loaded a moment it was!

I reckon I'm going to write down all the things I like about myself now!

Thanks for sharing and good luck with the last leg of your fantastic loss!

 

[Maintainer]

hi Bagpuss and congratulations on your weight loss.

As you see from my ticker, we lost about the same amount although by different means but boy did (do?) I suffer from the same issues. Where the skin etc is concerned, trust me, things DO get a little better in time. I'm not nearly as brave as IM and, besides, a surgeon told me I'd need 3 x operations in total so I'm not going there.

I too see my flaws so much more clearly now than before, and notice every lump and bump which I think oughtn't be there... this too does improve, but it does take time. VLCDs result in such quick weight loss, your eyes just don't have time to catch up with what your brain is telling you.

There are SO many positives about being slim; this unfortunately is one of the negatives!

Well done again!

 

[Heaven can wait]

Yep
Totally identify with this and am very relieved to know that its not just me. I am just a stone off my upper limit weight for height and am becoming very down about the imperfections the bingo wings, crepy skin , saggy boobs, dimpled wrinkled thighs etc, and only really enjoy my new longed for slim body when its fully clothed in some heavy duty support garments!
I feel like you bagpuss, i suppose after thinking all the time when I was bigger that being slim would be the be all, and end all of feeling bad about my body, its such a shock to be unhappy about some aspects of what we have dreamed of so long.
I started a mental list too and was actaully weighing up wether it would be better to have scars from surgery on my upper arms than live with what has affectionally become known by my nearest and dearest as mums 'grandpa simpson arms' ! But in the last week I really think they have started to shrink abit so I think we need to actaully give everything time to 'settle down' and learn to love what we have got.
I am sure that not one of us would have the fat back.
Love HCW

 

[icemoose]

The other thing I notice/noticed was that if anyone said how well i had done losing weight then I would always answer with.

1. Still got some to lose
2. Other people lose more weight than me
3. These clothes do a lot to make me look slim

etc etc etc

Could never and still can't take a compliment without putting myself down....

 

[Maintainer]

I'm JUST the same Icemoose... and now when people say "look how much you've lost AND quit smoking", I'm the first to tell them PRECISELY how much weight I've gained and how awful I feel about it!

To be able to take a compliment well, I have to feel good in myself... I was there, or very nearly there and now I feel wobbly again!

 

[Sez]

The other thing I notice/noticed was that if anyone said how well i had done losing weight then I would always answer with.

1. Still got some to lose
2. Other people lose more weight than me
3. These clothes do a lot to make me look slim

etc etc etc

Could never and still can't take a compliment without putting myself down....

This is something I think we all are plagued by, and the one thing my LLC tried very hard to get us to change, discounting other peoples opinions!

Just try answering with a simple thank-you and a smile. You dont have to qualify your answer, or even try to negate what you have done. Enjoy the moment for what it is and accept how great that someone actually want so to comment on how fab you look now and how hard you have worked.


(Cant beleive I am writing this to the Ice Moose God!!! LOL!!!! Talk about grannies and eggs!!)