1. Claireybella

    Claireybella Gold Member

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    The ability to make and understand puns is considered to be the highest level of language development. Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:


    1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

    2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

    3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

    5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

    6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

    7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

    8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

    9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
     
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  3. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    Thank you so much Claire I am crying with laughter. What a good way to start the day....................

    A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
    A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
    Reading while sunbathing makes you well, red.
    A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
    Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
     
  4. Claireybella

    Claireybella Gold Member

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    Glad you enjoyed em! I loved the Ghandi one, I actually laughed out loud at that one!!!
     
  5. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

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  6. emma-louise

    emma-louise Silver Member

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    haha they were brilliant :) xx
     
  7. Claireybella

    Claireybella Gold Member

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  8. rosinakathleen

    rosinakathleen Big, busty and Blowsy!

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    A food critic went to review a newly opened restaurant.
    She chose the cauli cooked in a cheese sauce to go with her fish in breadcrumbs. The review in the local paper the next day read;
    Super cauliflower cheese, but the fish cakes were atrocious!
     
  9. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    groan !!! lol
     
  10. 10st10lbs

    10st10lbs Gold Member

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    LOL - i LOVE these! thank you claire! i think i'm gonna be sad enough to sit here and type these all out on my phone to text to my cousin! friday nights are SOOO fun(!) xxx
     
  11. Claireybella

    Claireybella Gold Member

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    I'm glad you liked em hon! I was emailed em at work, and had to share!
     
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