purging, needs help , some one tell me its ok !!!

Discussion in 'Bring your Head Inside and your Body will Follow' started by mandy0206, 29 April 2011 Social URL.

  1. mandy0206

    mandy0206 30 pounds to go

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    Some may remember I started a thread last week, but took it down, due to a little negativity and non understanding and I was not ready for that.
    I need a place to vent my story too, please be welcome to share story if you are in a similar situation ! Please!
    And if u haven't experienced this and think "JUST STOP" please don't comment, because I need support and ppl to understand .
    So I have purged my self to loose weight, I started sf and lost 40-50 on my own, exercise, proper diet. Then I got stuck and would start purging afterwards ... That's how I lost another 10-15 pounds.
    I wanna loose 15 more pounds and won't / can't stop!!!!!! Not till I'm at my goal weight.
    I keep telling my self just stop, do it right and exercise, Ull b ok.
    I've gotten away w doing this for a month with out my fiancee or child knowing, but it's too much !!!! I want to b able to enjoy eating instead of not eating, ... I eat once a day and purge. I eat with noone around and plenty of time to b alone to purge.
    But ive had enough !!!!
    I'm at the point I see its a problem. I just want to know and hear everything is ok, you'll b fine!!!!
    But I won't listen to my self. Part of me wants to hear the negativity side, but I already know it. The other part wants to never hear it, till I'm at my goal weight.
    Omg. I've never cried over this, till tonight when I ate a cheeseburger n fries that my fiance made me and lied n said I ate too much and had a belly ache , that's y I had to purge. I lie all the time and say I already ate.
    I feel like I have a double life. Any one else going through this ?
    Please dont judge me negatively
     
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  3. Micci

    Micci Gold Member

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    Hi Mandy,

    you have already started your journey to recovery. You know you have a problem and you are looking for help. Well done you.

    I cannot talk from personal experience of purging, but I'm going to share my secret that I've not told anyone, IRL or here, I used to lose and maintain by binging and fasting helped by appetite suppressant drugs. I can no longer fast without the drugs and am not using them anymore and its h a r d to change my eating habits. so I can identify with the deceit.

    On the binging thread that you have posted on, Aline posted a link to a very supportive website and I posted a link to a help line. I've not tried it but Lesley has and could maybe tell us more, I know she had one talk with them and was promised another but she has not told us about that.

    Can you go to you GP and say how you need help? They should be able to get you a refereral but Pomooky's experience has not been good with what the GP could provide. I still, maybe naively, think that going back and asking for more should get you something but I've seen in my own family how getting psychiatric support can be hard/impossible.

    I'll send this now and get the links I posted before that give details of eating disorder help through out the country.

    Hang on in there Mandy, you CAN change, you are obviously determined from your first post, to come back and ask again.

    Micci xxx
     
  4. Micci

    Micci Gold Member

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    Hello again Mandy,

    I found this about self help groups, at the end is the help line number:

    The Beat Network: Self Help & Support Groups
    The Beat Network: Self Help & Support Groups
    The Beat Network is a UK-wide network of almost 400 volunteer Group Facilitators who offer support and information to people affected by eating disorders, by setting up and running Self Help & Support Groups.

    It currently comprises 81 individual Groups across the UK, and each one offers support and information to people over 18 affected by eating disorders.

    Beat groups do not offer treatment, counselling or therapy.

    Beat has a range of Self Help and Support Groups catering for the differing needs of people affected by eating disorders. There are groups open to:

    people with all types of eating disorders
    people with anorexia or bulimia only
    people with compulsive overeating issues
    carers, families and friends of people with eating disorders
    All current Beat groups are OPEN groups. This means they are open to anyone within the 'client group' they specify. Medical referral to a Beat Group is not necessary.

    To find your nearest UK based Self Help and Support Group, click here to use our HelpFinder service. Or call our helplines on 0845 634 1414

    ****************

    the links don't seem to work now I've cut and pasted,

    it came from this website:

    beat : The Beat Network: Self Help & Support Groups
     
  5. Leanne1

    Leanne1 Silver Member

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    Mandy, my heart goes out to you. Please contact the groups that Micci has outlined for you or see your GP. My thoughts are with you.
     
  6. Pomooky125

    Pomooky125 Silver Member

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    Mandy

    I can relate to how desperate you feel when you can't get help. Do you think your fiance would understand if you talked to him? Maybe you don't want to share it with him in case he gets involved and you will lose your "secret" moments which give you so much relief? I don't know about this and I'm not sure how it goes where you are with seeing a doctor and getting a referral to a specialist. Please try and get some professional help.

    You will get better and lose the weight in the way you did before but you need loads of support. Dieting is much harder work than purging but much easier on your body and soul. Does it matter if it takes longer to lose the weight? Your boyfriend obviously loves you just as you are - don't panic - try to do one day without purging and then set yourself another goal.

    My thoughts are with you and I know you just can't stop but you can ease off, slow down and you will get there.


    Hugs Pomooky XX
     
  7. mandy0206

    mandy0206 30 pounds to go

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    Thank u all. I can not repost individually to everyone , but I have been to a specialist to make sure I'm not causing too much damage to my body, I am just fine.
    I do need to go talk to a therapist, but to b honest, I'm scared to death. I dunno y cuz I love talking about my problems!! Boyfriends, drama, girls, ect.
    But this, ya touchy subject.
    I think I'm scared cuz what they will tell me will help, this may sound so selfish, but I don't want the help, YET till I'm at my goal weight, and then if I can't stop, ill need therapy.
    But deep down, I know that's not true. I know if I stop today, and go back to dieting, ill b able to loose the weight just fine. But that is where this damn disorder comes in! It's not that easy!!!!!!!!!
    It's over taking my life, its a Friday night and I got invited out to dinner n drinks with friends, and Hell I need it from this week I have had, but I won't do it
    I have talked to my fiance about a year ago. I told him. He doesn't understand. I told him I stopped when I got pregnant , and I did, he just doesn't know I started again after she was born. I don't want to tell him, cuz he watched me eat, and would walk in on me in bathroom I couldn't hide it from him. And I don't want that all over again.
    He would support me all the way. But thinks I should just b able to stop, and that is impossible.
    All the links u ladies have sent, I will look into it! I think I'm going to talk to my Dr and ask to n refereed to a specialist and get it over with already, so that when I do stop, if I ever gain again I'll b able to not start purging again..
    BUT, I've already started thinking I need to loose more, ya ill b at my goal weight, but won't look good to wear shorts and ect. Which I'm scared I might b having body disforgmenta (sp) cuz I should b happy as Hell being a size 13 not a 18 and 63 pounds smaller. But I can still tell a chubby vs too skinny person.
    Bla I dunno anymore
     
  8. roosnanny

    roosnanny Gold Member

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    all i can offer you is to be in my prayers
    hunny,i won't even begin to presume i
    know what you are going through because i don't,but just thought i would
    offer this at least.
     
  9. mandy0206

    mandy0206 30 pounds to go

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    So I need a woman post this on chat, I have to share ...
     
  10. mandy0206

    mandy0206 30 pounds to go

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    Horrible day
    Day 2 I've cried over this.
    Wow I never pictured myself NOT being in control.
    I can't believe I actually have a disorder.
    I didn't think I did, cuz I thought I could stop anytime I could.
    And I can't.
    Wow :(
     
  11. Pomooky125

    Pomooky125 Silver Member

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    Mandy - you CAN control it, just not now. There's some kind of psychological blip - I don't know what - that throws us off track. I know my problem isn't the same but it follows the same patterns; I do well for weeks then get completely out of control and eat packs of biscuits, frozen stuff, whatever! I then feel disgusted with myself and think what the hell, where's the kit-kats? It's a vicious circle but it can be broken.

    This completely puts me back to square one. But then I stop again - you will too. Each time I stop for longer so I know I'm capable of it. These are habits which we have learned - everyone has their own demons but we just have to keep on at them. I didn't want to be part of the "eating disorder" or "fatties" club either! I was in self-denial but once you admit it, which you have, you are on the right track.

    Did you make an appointment with your GP? Don't put it off even though you're nervous. I felt like you too Chrsitmas time but now feel more positive because I stopped myself so many times. You will too, I am sure.

    Big Hug Pomooky
     
  12. largelesley

    largelesley Silver Member

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    Mandy im so glad you realise it is a problem and that you need some help
    If you read some of your first posts you were always so sure you could stop and it wasnt a problem for you
    So look how far you have came and you will do it im sure
    Im the last person to give advise with my problems but you ave a lovely bloke and a little girl
    And you deserve to be happier than you are do it for you
    And if you fall of that wagon get strait bak on we will help you
    Take are my friend xxx
     
  13. mandy0206

    mandy0206 30 pounds to go

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    <3 it !!!
    I'm.so happy!!! I survived today !!!!!! No purging!!! I am stuffed so much, and I don't like that feeling. But, I'm proud I did it!!!!
    I'm happy I did it! No weighing myself thow!!!!
    How are u holding up.?
     
  14. Micci

    Micci Gold Member

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    Really really well done Mandy. I had people round yesterday, nice barbecue but I over did it food wise. That stupid mind set of 'tomorrow I start so I'd better make the most of today' silly me 'cos tomorrow is here and I'm about to get on the scales and it won't be good ..

    But back to you ... my thoughts and good wishes are with you to get through today

    Micci xxx
     
  15. Pomooky125

    Pomooky125 Silver Member

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    Mandy - I'm sending you some virtual support to keep you going! You're doing well and can kick out that panicky feeling of losing control now - you know you can pull back and stop.

    Pomooky XX
     
  16. mandy0206

    mandy0206 30 pounds to go

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    Micci, hope u atleast enjoyed ur bbq!!!!! I am in no way able to tell u what to do as I have a very long road ahead of me, but I can tell u if u throw that scale away, and try your hardest, and u have one day of being "normal" its a great feeling to recovery! It's also scary knowing in my situation I probably gained some weight, but I'm trying to focus on working out instead.

    Thank u for your support !!
     
  17. mandy0206

    mandy0206 30 pounds to go

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    Thank u love. How are u doing ? Did u get my post about switching ur name on here ?
     
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  19. mandy0206

    mandy0206 30 pounds to go

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    Day two... SUCCESS !!!!!
     
  20. Micci

    Micci Gold Member

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    Well done Mandy, you're doing brilliantly! I'm thinking of you today, I'm sure you can do three days.
     
  21. mandy0206

    mandy0206 30 pounds to go

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    Thank u !!! The thought crosses my mind, but with out weighing my self, its not that hard. I have no idea what I weigh but I am just going how I look, I don't see a weight gain, and I'm just exercising instead now.
    I went to buy pants and I'm in an 11 vs a 17 from 5 montgs ago. That feels great.
     
  22. krupskaya

    krupskaya Gold Member

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    Well done Mandy, that sounds like a very sensible approach to take. Keep on keeping on - you can do it!
     
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