Quod me nutrit, me destruit

[MISSLSR]

And I am desperate for that to change.

12 small steps between me living a miserable life as an obese person and me feeling healthier and better about myself.

My 13 Steps to Goal
1 - 15st 0lbs - 210lbs - 17.10.2019 - 22.10.2019
2 - 14st 7lbs - 203lbs -
3 - 14st 0lbs - 196lbs -
4 - 13st 7lbs - 189lbs -
5 - 13st 0lbs - 182lbs -
6 - 12st 7lbs - 175lbs -
7 - 12st 2lbs - 170lbs -
8 - 12st 0lbs - 168lbs -
9 - 11st 7lbs - 161lbs -
10 - 11st 5lbs - 159lbs -
11 - 11st 0lbs - 154lbs -
12 - 10st 7lbs - 147lbs -
13 - 10st 0lbs - 140lbs -

The stupid thing is that I am the only one who is ruining this journey for myself.

I can do this.
I will do this.

Dxxx

 

[debbie12slim]

Hi, good to see you back hun, I have completed 1 week of Lipo trim and lost 7lb (after regaining). Having issues at the mo as have chest infection and just lost father in law but so want to get back on track. WE CAN DO THIS xx

 

[MISSLSR]

Aw Debbie I am so sorry to hear that. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

You know what, we can. It might not be a straight road but I am going to get to my goal weight. There will be ups and downs while I struggle to get out of the bad habits I have created through my life but I am going to be honest about it.

Dxxx

 

[MISSLSR]

09.10.2019 - Tuesday
Work day 9.00am - 6.30pm and stuck to it all day, I really struggled when I got home though because I knew that there were 2 packets of koka noodles and some crisps in the cupboard from the weekend that I hadn't eaten. So of course what did I do, I ate them ALL.

What a greedy gluttonous pig. How am I ever going to do this. I really want to get to goal weight but I feel like I am trapped in a vicious circle of depression where food makes me feel better but it is also the thing that is literally killing me at the same time.

I need to change this destructive pattern that I am on, I am going to get nowhere if I don't make some positive changes in my life.

I'm feeling so down in the dumps right now I could honestly cry.

Dxxx

 

[debbie12slim]

I am hoping to be back on 100% by the weekend, find it really hard when I am ill, but it is getting better. Hope you are out of the dumps soon and feeling more positive. We both got into the 13 zone not so long back we can do this again and this time carry on till we reach goal. xxx

 

[MISSLSR]

We did and we will.

I'm the same, seem to be on a binge mindset right now so gonna get back on to it 100% after the weekend.

Dxxx

 

[MISSLSR]

Step 1 - 15st 0lbs - Ongoing
Back to it today after a week of bingeing for absolutely no reason. I've set myself back even further from my goal and its honestly so so stupid. I am a 36 year old who has at times no control over what she eats and I am really struggling in how I am dealing with this.

I have to do something.

I always start so well then sometimes by the end of the day I have completely ruined any attempts so after that I binge until the following week which just sets me back even further.

I've gained 2st since July, my clothes do not fit me, my coat doesn't close, my skin is a mess, my self esteem is at an all time low, I'm depressed, I'm anxious in public and it's all my own fault.

I have to look at the bigger picture here and see this out for the long haul. I am always going to have a problem controlling how much I eat so this is something that I have to manage for the rest of my life.

There is no short term fix, its always going to be a struggle but I just hope that it does get easier at some point.

Anyway this has turned into a bit of a ramble so sorry!

Will post back later with a food diary.

Dxxx

 

[MISSLSR]

Step 1 - 15st 0lbs - Ongoing
Surviving, actually having a good day. Feel better for just getting up this morning when my alarm went off rather than snoozing.

Just having a cup of black tea to a) fill a wee space in my belly b) heat myself up - I am freezing! At least let all this blubber keep me warm for goodness sake

Dxxx

 

[MISSLSR]

Step 1 - 15st 0lbs - Ongoing
Okay so yesterday in work I was on plan 100% but when I got home I ate 3 potato scones with 2 fried eggs. I felt myself switching into binge mode and I had a packet of wraps that I was going to eat with a cup of tea but instead I took them out of the wrapper, ripped them up and put them right in the bin.

This is massive. This is the first time I have stopped myself mid binge before I got out of control.

I know that I didn't stick to plan 100% but I still minimised the damage by snapping myself out of that mindset.

I mean I still wanted to stuff my face but instead I took myself to bed to update my journal, watch some you tube then go to sleep.

Back to it today.

Dxxx

 

[MISSLSR]

Step 1 - 15st 0lbs - Ongoing
So almost finished work and my thoughts are slowly switching to food and what can I buy when I leave work to eat at home.

This is the hardest time for me, I need to stick to this so the plan I have when I get home is to have some Exante sweet and sour noodles, a cup of tea and a bottle of water then I'll distract myself with some telly.

Dxxx

 

[MISSLSR]

Step 1 - 15st 0lbs - Ongoing
I did it! First day I have stuck to plan 100% and you know what I survived, was it easy - no not really but I had an internal battle with myself for most of the day and I won, this time.

Just need to repeat that day in day out now until I can get myself to my goal weight.

I do weigh every day so was chuffed to bits when I jumped on the scales and I am down now a total of 5lbs since my restart! Super happy with that.

Dxxx

 

[MISSLSR]

Step 1 - 15st 0lbs - Ongoing - Current Weight 15st 2lbs
Just out of a 2 hour long meeting about pensions! My head hurts and I am starving.

Back to my desk with a cup of tea and a bottle of water.

Dxxx

 

[MISSLSR]

Step 1 - 15st 0lbs - Ongoing - Current Weight 15st 2lbs
Really need to up my water drinking today. Only had 2 bottles and my goal for the day is 8!!!

Dxxx

 

[MISSLSR]

Step 1 - 15st 0lbs - Ongoing - Current Weight 15st 2lbs
3 bottles of water to go, think I might only manage 2. Was the same yesterday and survived, think if I force myself to drink the 3 I might pee the bed

Just had the pasta, ham and mushroom soup - oh my it was lovely! Had the tiniest bit of pasta in it but still felt nice to eat something.

I'm finishing work in around 45 minutes and heading home to see how many more of them I have left! Might have another one tonight.

Also need to sort out my Exante stash, I have a load of stuff I've bought and a bag my friend gave to me so don't want any of it to go out of date.

Dxxx

 

[debbie12slim]

I restarted Sunday but have come off again, lost my mum Tuesday morning and had been at the hospital with her early hours Monday, Benn doing all the usual running around after a loved one passes and have ate on the go. Tomorrow if my father in laws funeral (lost him 1 week before mum) so I know I will be a physical and emotional wreck. ANYWAY well done for sticking to your journey (bumps along the way an al)l. Hoping to get back to recording my losses on here in the next few weeks xx.

 

[MISSLSR]

Oh debbie, I am so sorry to hear that.

What a horrible time for you.

Take care of yourself and keep in touch.

If you need to chat I'm here.

Dxxx

 

[MISSLSR]

Step 1 - 15st 0lbs - Complete - Current Weight 15st 0lbs
I did it! Hit goal number 1 of 13. As of this morning I am 15st 0lbs. Next goal 14st 7lbs, really hoping I can get that this month!

I'm feeling so happy this morning I can barely stop smiling.

Dxxx

 

[MISSLSR]

Step 2 - 14st 7lbs - Ongoing - Current Weight 15st 0lbs
And on to step 2!

This is really spurring me on and giving me the motivation to stick to plan, I am going to stay on it 100% until 26th October.

Have a planned night out to GlasGlow at the Botanic Gardens, we love this and it's a family event with me, my sister and her 2 kids and my bestie and her 2 kids. Can't wait!! We'll go for dinner before hand aswell.

I can do thisssssssssssss!!

Dxxx

 

[MISSLSR]

Step 2 - 14st 7lbs - Ongoing - Current Weight 15st 0lbs
Still not had my breakfast! Been so busy in work and not had a minute.

Also been dealing with British Gas and O2 because they've messed up my billing

Dxxx

 

[MISSLSR]

Step 2 - 14st 7lbs - Ongoing - Current Weight 15st 0lbs
So my weekend has went as follows;

Friday - Stuck to plan all day then my Sister arrived with her 2 kids. She cooked us all a lovely gammon joint, mashed potatoes, honey carrots and parsnips. I was lovely and I went to bed with a full belly and very good intentions for the next day.

Saturday - I woke up and got on the scales (up 2lbs) and wasn't very happy so decided to get straight back on plan. Went out for the day in Glasgow, we ended up at Glasgow Cathedral and the Necropolis. Me and Mum hadn't been before and we had a great time, ended up walking around for about 5 or 6 hours. During the day that dreaded TOM came and I hadn't eaten a thing, by this time it was 4pm and I was ravenous so we went to the food court in St Enoch. BIG MISTAKE - I ate a 6" sub from Subway, McDonalds cheeseburger and 6 Burger King chilli cheese bites. Oh you think that's bad, it didn't end there. Had a couple of bottles of cider, a wispa gold and a family size bag of crisps.

So now I have PMT, I'm mad as hell at myself and trying not to eat to make myself feel better.

Dxxx