Rant - I am soooo upset BIG TIME!

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by charlottegrace1, 24 July 2009 Social URL.

  1. charlottegrace1

    charlottegrace1 Gold Member

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    I am so cross, my daughter had some friends round yesterday and went into town last night. No problems there then, except one of the girls left her bags here over night. I didn't realise they were somebody elses so went to put them away thinking they were my daughters. Inside was a half drank bottle of Sothern Comfort. I was absolutely livid, the girls are 16!!!! My daughter told me who it belonged to and I have just spoken to her father about it who seemed to think it was ok and couldn't see why I was so cross. I tried to explain to him that while children are in my house I am responsible for them and under no circumstances would I allow under age drinking especially of the 40% volume kind to take place in my home. Another girl had some cans of beer and was drinking them on the way into town. My daughter is now in tears as she thinks her "friends" will take my actions (of ringing parents to inform them) out on her and not want anything to do with her now. HELLO! should it be her not having anything to do with them, or am I just an old dinosaur who is not up with the times. I have made it clear before that I will not have underage drinking going on in my home and my kids are cool with that, but other peoples don't give a t*ss and when their parents think I'm an old stuffed shirt what am I supposed to do. What ever happend to standards and right and wrong. Sorry for the rant but I wish parents would accept resposibility for their children and not just leave things till the sh*t hits the fan when it goes wrong. There is a reason why the age limit on blooze is 18 but is it only me who understands this. GRRRRRR


    I need a hug please, I feel so upset,I feel I have been made to feel I am in the wrong about what goes on in my own home. Do you think I should not let these people back into my home or just make it clear about rules. It is so worrying with your own children, you try and give them a bit of freedom and a chance to show you they can behave in a sociable way and then something like this happens and I get so scarred for them and who they are mixing with. What can I do.
     
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  3. lydia150970

    lydia150970 Gold Member

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    I totally understand why you are upset, I would feel exactly the same and you have every right not to allow underage drinking in your home and every right to expect your daughter and her friends to abide by that. BUT, I also see your daughter's point of view. Peer pressure is a pretty awful thing and can make people's (especially teenagers) life a complete misery. The chances are that, given the father's reaction, he will tell his daughter and she may well take it out on your daughter and, theres some chance that your daughter will lose her friends because of this. Whilst I know you will say - they aren't very good friends in the first place - you have years of experience on your daughter to know these things - the possibility of losing her friends will probably be the worst thing that your daughter could face right now.

    Personally I wouldn't ban them from the house but, if they do come round again, explain that whilst under your roof you won't tolerate underage drinking.
     
  4. Madferret

    Madferret Mad as a Hatter

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    Hiya - cannot really comment on the alcohol thing as I have yet to experience it - my 2 are only 6 and 3 so hopefully a long way to go yet..

    However I can agree with you on one thing - as long as they are in your house, they obey your rules.... if they cannot do that then you need to be comfortable with refusing them entry.

    I do feel sorry for your daughter as she is probably at the age where everyone needs to feel that they 'fit in' and maybe your actions will have upset her... but if you coolly and calmly explain to her why you have acted the way you have then she should respect you for that.

    I have had issues with my eldest at school where he has been silly enough to follow the crowd, and made the wrong decisions and I must admit I probably didn't handle the situation well when it happened but at least your daughter is at an age where you can have a reasoned discussion together.

    Sending hugs to you in abundance and hope that this sorts itself out for you...

    Tracy
     
  5. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

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    I would just make it clear that these are your rules in your house and if your daughter's friends want to come to your house then they need to abide by them.

    Everyone is different, my OH is a bit more relaxed with regards to alcohol, his daughter has had a shandy or small glass of wine with lemonade from age 14 - in the house and with a meal, a snowball at christmas, that sort of thing.

    This is to encourage responsible drinking and not bingeing. No spirits allowed though.

    Like I said, it's each to their own and probably by telling the parents your thoughts it won't change their opinions but they will be a little clearer on yours.

    If these kids/parents have anything about them though they should fully understand your thoughts and there shouldn't be any "taking it out" on anyone. If they do, tbh, your daughter is better off without them.
     
  6. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    *hugs* ..

    I think it's so rude and un-supportive of the other parent to have been so un-supportive of how you felt and as you said, didnt really seem to care or understand why. quite frankley he should have appologised for his child behaviour, and atleats tell him daughter that these are your rules, and that she is not to do it again, even if he does condone her underage drinking, which i too feel isnt right. My mother never condoned my under-age drinking, but i went behind her back and spent a good few years drinking cheap booze, getting myself into trouble and spiraling out of control. From this, i learnt and i very rarely, ever touch the stuff now, and can easily ahve just as much fun as everyone else. However, this was me, i was un-ruley, uncontrolable and upset my mother alot, but at the time i didnt care. Now, it is thier choice as to whether they allow their children to drink under-age, but he should have respected you enough to have been a little more understanding. just as it is his choice to allow his daughter to have drink ( and quite frankley, unless he bought it for her in the first place how else did she get it? ) it is yours to choose not to have it in your house, or have your own daughter doing it.

    .. and as far as her 'friends' go they knew the rules, as did your daughter, and if they want to kick up a fuss and blame it on her, then clearly they are not good people for her to be around anyways. I for one know how cruel kids can be, and am not suprised your daughter allowed it knowing your feeling on the subject, and i do feel for her. Be as tactful as you can, but remember you are in teh right. My mother oftyen gave into me because i she felt so guilty that i would be picked on or targeted for getting others in trouble. However, by teh respince you recived from this grils father, it hardly sounds like she will be punished. Im sure it'd be worse for her if her parents did have a problem with it.




    I can't really offer much help, as i am not a parent myself and can only relate through my own expierances and my own mums. . but i do understand. and you should be proud for standing your ground. . . *hugs* xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  7. Minders

    Minders Finding inspiration

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    Saw this yesterday in the news... maybe show this to the other parents who don't think you have cause to be upset. I mean yeah, this is extreme, but sometimes people need to be made aware of consequences, especially young people who feel invulnerable (as we all did at that age). Of course, every teenager is bound to have a sneaky drink... but sometimes it can get out of hand and as a parent, it's your duty to step in and enforce boundaries to try and avoid horrible outcomes like this story.

    Alcoholic Gary Reinbach dead at 22 after transplant refused - Times Online
     
  8. Sticky

    Sticky I will succeed!!!

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    Oh sweetie - HUGS HUGS HUGS!

    I see two points of view here; yours and your daughters.

    I am not a mother but I 100% agree with you on this in the sense that, it's YOUR home and 40% liquor is TOO MUCH for 16 year olds, especially when at that age they drink it to get drunk.

    But (and maybe it's because I'm closer to being 16 than having a 16 year old child), I do feel for your daughter in a way too.

    I found 14-18 really hard, especially the earlier part of that period.

    I felt, as I got to that age that picking what I wanted to study towards my future career (scary enough), exams and everything stressful. But on top of that, you're finding boys cute, hormones running amock and the stress of being cool and 'with it' too.

    It's a lot to handle at that age and it happens so fast too.

    So, regarding how she feels, she has a point - these girls might turn on her a bit cause that's what kids do. They can be nasty little swines.

    However, you are right. It's illegal and can lead to much much worse things. So, for that part stand your ground and explain to your daughter why you're so mad. She knows - they all will - that's why they hide the stuff in first place.

    Hopefully she'll learn a lesson too - not to take the mick out of you by doing it at home. She might also wake up to fact maybe some of her mates took advantage by doing it out of their homes too?

    Don't be too upset - it's wrong what they did but kids do a lot worse these days a lot younger. Even good kids can be trying (I was good but I had moments lol).

    She knows you're mad cause you love her, even if she slams her door and shouts.

    Hugs to you xxx
     
  9. Donnie46

    Donnie46 Slow but sure....

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    I agree with you Charlotte, if your DD's friends come to your house then they must abide by your rules.

    As for the other girl's parent's ask them to look at the Daily Mail (check the online website for story) from the other day where there were pictures of a 22 year old lad all bloated and yellow because he had cirrohsis (sp) of the liver - he started drinking when he was 13 and was drinking 3 bottles of vodka a day and can's of super lager at the end- he had been refused a liver transplant, (not surprising) he died the following day after the picture's were taken.

    Maybe then these parents will take more responsibilty with their DD's underage drinking.

    I admire you for ringing these parents and telling them what has been happening, well done to you. X
     
  10. Donnie46

    Donnie46 Slow but sure....

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    Minders - that is the story I was talking about in my post, thank you. X
     
  11. charlottegrace1

    charlottegrace1 Gold Member

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    Thank you for your replies, they help. I do understand from my daughters point of view, I was 16 once, and used to have the odd half a larger, and I do not mind her having the odd drink for special occassions under supervsion, I think it was the fact that it was 40% Southern Comfort that her friend was swigging back behind my back that got me so mad. I have been and had a rational conversation with daughter who has told me this girl in question is new to their group and when they got into town the girl left the group and went off on her own round the town. Don't know whether to be gratefull she wasn't around my daughter or worried that her parents thought she was with a group. Oh hell, why does being a mum have to be so hard sometimes. You see, her main friends are nice girls and know my rules and how strick I am on knowing where they are when they out etc. and they donn't mind going along with me, but new people from out of town that are joining the group seem a little, how shall I put it, on a slacker leash than the main group. I just worry they could be lead astray and get into trouble. I know my daughter is sensible but she is still only 16 (going on 35), and sometimes it not them you have worry about its the others.

    Thanks for listening guys, I need a chill pill now lol.
     
  12. dagbird2001

    dagbird2001 Full Member

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    I cant answer you hun cos i havent got children, but i do agree if they come to your house then they need to follow your rules. the father of the girl was out of order.
    i can see your daughter worrying about friends etc and that is all to do with peer pressure, but girls will be girls and no doub will be forgotten about by monday.

    in regards to that article, that boy lived close to me, its terrible.
    xxxx
     
  13. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    I agree with the others Hun...if your Daughter's friends stay over at your house, then they should abide by your rules.
    The last thing you want to do is cause a friction between you and your Daughter about the whole thing, otherwise she wont share anything with you again and keep "secrets" from you.

    Big hugs for you Huni..my Daughter is 3.5, so have this to come.
     
  14. Ro Laren

    Ro Laren 7st 11lbs down ...

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    Actually, it's not. UK law states that 5-17 year olds can legally drink alcohol in private premises.

    I do agree with the 'under my roof' ethos, though.
     
  15. bettylollypop

    bettylollypop soon to be skinny minnie

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    Hi hun, sending you hugs. My kids aren't at that age yet, but i do think it is your house and you say what goes on. Maybe that father doesn't mind her drinking that particular drink in his home, but he can't expect you to accept this in your house. I'm all for introducing sensible drinking but you need to draw a line somewhere.

    I remember when i was young and used to go out and we used to all get a bottle of cider, or whatever, i used to get caught and grounded. I was so jealous of my friend because her mum used to let her drink and smoke cannabis (we were only between 15 and 17), i used to think she was soooo lucky. However one day she confided in me that she just wished her mum was like my mum and grounded her too. I think she eventually thought her mum doesn't care what she does.

    So i know your daughter may think you are uncool etc at the moment, but she will thank you for it later. I am so grateful that my mum bothered enough and grounded me etc as it has made me into the person i am today. Chin up honey xx
     
  16. txrawl

    txrawl Full Member

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    My three are a similar age (twins of 16!!). I totally agree with you, I would have been beyond furious and for what its worth I think you did exactly the right thing. Sending you hugs x
     
  17. judimac

    judimac Mad old Bat with Attitude

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    Well past that thank goodness! And I had boys, who thankfully were totally into the Air Training Corps so it never arose. I just didn't ask about university! I did however have a no bed sharing rule under our roof! Your daughter sounds a sensible soul, much like her mother!
     
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  19. JestersTear

    JestersTear Cute, but psycho!

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    I was a drinker when I was under age (well, 16)...but never at home.

    My OH's son lives with us and goes out to parties and whatnot and we know he drinks, but he never drinks in the house as he knows his dad doesn't approve. This was true for the last couple of years. he's 18 now but still doesn't drink in the house.
     
  20. JestersTear

    JestersTear Cute, but psycho!

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    I think the secret is - have house rules, make sure they're enforced.
    Doesn't mean, however, that your daughter won;t drink elsewhere...
     
  21. charlottegrace1

    charlottegrace1 Gold Member

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    Thank you guys for your support, I have calmed down over it today, but please feel free to refer to todays post of "face the truth" whoops! Maybe the consequenses of under age drinking is over age eating lol.
     
  22. charlottegrace1

    charlottegrace1 Gold Member

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    ooo
     
    Last edited: 25 July 2009
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