Rant warning - unhelpful OH!

Discussion in 'Exante - Total Solution 100%' started by Littlered81, 8 May 2011 Social URL.

  1. Littlered81

    Littlered81 Full Member

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    Sorry this is going to be a bit of a rant!

    I moved in with my OH 2 months ago, this was a huge decision as he lived 200 miles away from me, so I gave up my lovely job, moved away from family, friends, etc.

    I have gained 2 1/2 stone in the last year, and am desperately unhappy, which he knows. I decided to start Exante Total Solution, having done Cambridge before and being really happy with it.

    He was ok when I said what I was going to do, then yesterday we visited his grandparents, where he told them what I was doing. They are very old fashioned, and he started going on about how losing weight quickly isn't good for you, I'd put on more than I lose afterwards, etc. and they were joining in.

    He started on it again in the evening, saying it's a proven fact. I told him it wasn't a proven fact, and got a bit shirty with him and asked him how it was a proven fact.

    Then this morning we're having breakfast and he's sitting there on the laptop googling "loosing weight too fast is bad for you", and showing me websites saying he has now proved that it's bad for you.

    Really NOT impressed. Especially considering that he's complaining about having gained weight and wanting to lose some, and since I am very upset today having had a call from my mother late last night to say my grandmother had just died. He really picks his moments to decide to make his point!

    I just feel really cross with him for suddenly trying to discourge me 6 days in and when it's taking all my willpower to stay on track where I'm so upset about losing my grandma.

    I'm not even sure why I'm posting - just don't have anywhere else to vent right now.
     
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  3. skinnyme2811

    skinnyme2811 Full Member

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    hugs, what a difficult time for you loosing your grandmother. The last thing you need is OH being unhelpful. There's lots of support on here.
    My DH was so unsupportive when i did sw that i kept failing and eating what I shouildnt so i understand the frustration.
    Good luck, ive only been on this 5 days and think that it is an amazing diet and if we eat sensibly to maintain once we hit target then there's no reason for us tp put it all back on
    x
     
  4. Myaevesmummy

    Myaevesmummy Full Member

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    Aww chin up hun, men like to think they're right about everything lol. Sounds like you're doing really well and if I was you I'd let his comments go in one ear and out the other! You can always prove him wrong when you loose the weight and maintain! If he keeps on about it and isn't showing much support then you perhaps it might be an opportunity to tell him how you feel. Kate xxxx
     
  5. Starlight

    Starlight Gold Member

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    You should make him sit and read the success stories on here and then see what he says :mad:

    The way of thinking that you regain weight much faster if you lose it faster does my head in, its quoted so often on here by people on more conventional diets.

    Surely he must realise that you can basically find anything you want by using googling, hes probably finding misinformed posts from people who believe than nonsense.

    You hang in there *HUGS*
     
  6. nonnibear

    nonnibear Full Member

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    Oh Littlered (every time I read your name, I get the Kate Nash song in my head, LOVE IT!) it's difficult for people to understand the diet if they aren't there plus he probably misses eating with you! My OH was the same the first time I did LL but after about a month and the results started showing, the support suddenly arrived!

    Stay strong! xx
     
  7. Jubbly

    Jubbly Loves Minimins long time

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    Thank God for Minis as I don't think anyone in the world other than you guys understand that realities of a VLCD. Your boyf and his grandparent's attitude is unfortunately pretty widespread but don't men just soooo have to be right (infuriating)?? So sorry for the loss of your grandmother, I hope your OH is sensitive enough to realise this is not a good time for point scoring.... xx
     
  8. lana_b

    lana_b Member

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    I'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother and your boyfriends attitude really isn't helping. He obviously loves you though otherwise he wouldn't be going on about the diet, he is worried for you.

    I think Starlight's idea of letting him read the success stories is a good one. Or maybe he's worried if you lose the weight you will leave him, that happens quite a lot!!

    Whatever happens I hope you are ok and stay strong. You've done so well so far :)
     
  9. GinaLangland

    GinaLangland Full Member

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    I'm really sorry to hear that your gran has died, have a hug. Also it sounds concerning that you have moved away from your support network, even though it's to be with your partner (who IMV should be your primary support group!). How often are you able to see your family and friends, hopefully you keep in contact via FB etc?
     
  10. wkdstepmum

    wkdstepmum Silver Member

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    Hey LittleRed, my sympathies on losing your grandmother x It's stressful at the start of this diet, going into ketosis, I do find I've been over emotional myself and you've got grief on top of this to deal with...
    Very often when people make a decision to lose weight or start losing weight there are friends/family/colleagues who want to stop them from succeeding for various reasons...Perhaps your weight makes him feel secure, perhaps he feels that if you were truly happy with your body you might look for more than him. This diet is YOUR journey, your life, your health and your choice x Continue on, come to us when you need a rant and make sure and reassure him that you love him regardless (tough when you're annoyed with him I know, but he might be fearful and fearful people can be cruel) x
     
  11. babystar31

    babystar31 Gold Member

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    Aw hun hopefully he can soon realise how important this is to u and show u the support u deserve. And on the contrary to his beliefs medics are actually saying the opposite, that it has been proven that rapid weight loss is easier to maintain, so u keep going and when u don't feel supported come on here, were with U every step of the way xx

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  12. DustQueen

    DustQueen Gold Member

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    I am so sorry about your gran, you are doing so well to stick to it during such a hard time :) he will come around when he sees how well you do. Sorry he's being so unsupportive at the moment :(
    I really hope he starts being better, but until then there is always someone on here to talk to.
    Don't let his inconsiderate and inaccurate opinions ruin this diet for you.
    Wishing you lots of luck.
     
  13. marls

    marls Member

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    ignore him, and put laxatives in his tea x
     
  14. Mrsb2b2012

    Mrsb2b2012 Full Member

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    So sorry to hear about your grandmother.
    Have a chat to your OH, tell him how you feel and get him on side. He needs to support you in this else it will continue to cause tension and arguments.
    Thinking of you x
     
  15. Littlered81

    Littlered81 Full Member

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    Thank you so much for your support guys. Funnily enough I did tell him that he could google and find people supporting both sides of the arguement for most things, whether it's weight loss, eating peanuts when you're pregnant, etc.

    I ring my family and friends regularly, have been back to see them once and was due to go in a couple of weeks anyway for a follow up hospital appointment and my Mum's birthday.

    Luckily for me my best friend moved this way several years ago, she's about an hour down the road but I went over and saw her last night, which made me feel a bit better.

    I really need my OH to be supportive at the moment, about me losing my grandmother as well as wanting to lose weight. He just doesn't know what to do at all at the moment.
     
  16. valentine

    valentine miss yo yo

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    hiya red...hopefully once the scales start showing the success of your abstinence from a normal diet and you feel happier your OH will realise that its not such a bad thing..

    Reading your post took me right back to 2005 just b4 i was banded..My fella at the time was really unsupportive and tried to talk me out of it..I was 21st 7lb and really unhappy...needless to say i had it done and am still here alive and kicking and much happier.. ( he and i parted company within 2 months of my band..I realised he preferred me fat and was never going to support me or be happy for me.)

    I think your fella is just being a normal fella and has listened to his elders and decided they are older and wiser... so must know best..

    I am sure he will support you once he see's you smiling more and feeling more confident about yourself..

    Sorry to hear about your sad news of bereavement.. god bless xxx
     
  17. babystar31

    babystar31 Gold Member

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    Sorry to hear about ur gran too hun. I lost mine in November and I lost the rails diet wise so u should be so proud of yourself sticking at it. She would be very proud of u. Keep up the good work xx

    Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
     
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  19. Littlered81

    Littlered81 Full Member

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    Thanks so much for all your kind words. Have still managed to stick to it 100%, have no idea how! Still can't believe my gran isn't here any more. Did speak to OH today about how his timing was pretty rubbish to start trying to prove that I shouldn't be losing weight quickly. He did apologise and said he just didn't want me to be unhealthy. Still feeling pretty miffed with him at the moment though!
     
  20. kissme

    kissme Gold Member

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    Hi hun, I know what your going through. I don't want to seem rude but I am very frank at times so I guess here goes.

    He's with you because he loves you and vice versa, so doesn't he see that doing this for yourself is a great thing and its making you happy? It's different strokes for different folks when it comes to dieting and you have made your choice and your sticking by it, tbh it's not really any of his business how you lose weight as long as it makes you happy, healthy and your happiness should be his main concern.

    you don't tell him what to eat, wear, what aftershave to use or what he can or can't do, so he needs to out of respect do the same for you. I understand that he is probably worried about you, but still there are much more tactful ways to approach the subject especially considering the really rough time your having.

    He should be proud that you taking drastic (meant as in a complete lifestyle change) measure to be the bes you can be, and he should be proud of the effort that you put in to this diet as we all know it isn't easy at the best of times.

    Sometimes men can be so difficult to live with, but it is obvious he is doing it because he cares for you :)

    Sorry if any of that was little strong, i have a terrible habit of not being able to put things in the right tone but I hope you get the grasp of what I meant
     
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