i really do not know what has happened to my motivation at all i constantly feel i have no energy and to make it all worse i am resorting to dangerous and stupid things to try and keep my weight down.
the other night i was in tesco when i happened to stumble across the isle which was full of reduced easter eggs, some even going for 9p, so how could i resist? well i stocked up on all these un needed eggs and went back to the car and had a little bit of one, except i cannot control my eating at all and that little bit of an egg turned into a full on binge!! 8 easter egg in total!! i felt so sick and ill after it and was in such a state at what i had done i just couldnt physically stop myself. i ended up running to the toilet to try and make myself sick, fingers down the throat and everything but it just didnt work so out of sheer desperation for my body not to absorb these calories i bot a bottle of water and salt and mixed a good quarter of the big bottles of salt in with the water then drank the lot as i was told this would induce vomiting.......... no it does not induce vomiting, nothing happened until 40mins later when the salt water hit my intestines it surged through my body probably stripping my intestines of everything and i ended up spending all night on the toilet with diarrhoea. totally and utterly shamed of myself, needless to say i've put on weight and i just feel like crying, i have no motivation at all for exercise just now and i literally do not trust myself with food for fear that i will end up binging again. :cry:
the other night i was in tesco when i happened to stumble across the isle which was full of reduced easter eggs, some even going for 9p, so how could i resist? well i stocked up on all these un needed eggs and went back to the car and had a little bit of one, except i cannot control my eating at all and that little bit of an egg turned into a full on binge!! 8 easter egg in total!! i felt so sick and ill after it and was in such a state at what i had done i just couldnt physically stop myself. i ended up running to the toilet to try and make myself sick, fingers down the throat and everything but it just didnt work so out of sheer desperation for my body not to absorb these calories i bot a bottle of water and salt and mixed a good quarter of the big bottles of salt in with the water then drank the lot as i was told this would induce vomiting.......... no it does not induce vomiting, nothing happened until 40mins later when the salt water hit my intestines it surged through my body probably stripping my intestines of everything and i ended up spending all night on the toilet with diarrhoea. totally and utterly shamed of myself, needless to say i've put on weight and i just feel like crying, i have no motivation at all for exercise just now and i literally do not trust myself with food for fear that i will end up binging again. :cry:
