Really struggling, feel like a failure

Discussion in 'Strugglers and Restarters' started by miss14, 5 February 2014 Social URL.

  1. miss14

    miss14 Full Member

    I'm really struggling at the minute and just feel like I need a bit of support.
    I have been overweight since I was about 12-13 (I'm 21 now) and I have been on diets since I can remember. I have tried calorie counting, Slimming World, Weight Watchers, 5:2, starvation.. and I have never really been able to loose anything substantial. With 5:2 I lost about 8lbs and that's the most I have ever lost, but once my exam revision started last year I threw it out of the window. It gave me a really unhealthy relationship with food, not eating for one day and binging the next. My binging problem has always been there. Me and my mum used to eat together to spend time together. We would eat healthy all day, then ruin it in the evening with a take away, numbers packets of crisps, chocolate, ice creams. We would do that daily or weekly. And it's something I struggle with a lot. It got worst when I started University as I was drinking 3-4 times a week, and hiding away in my room and binge eating. I got a hold of it for a while, but now have moved away for the year and feel lonelier than ever. I am very bored with my life, missing my family, friends, and long distance boyfriend, lonely, and have no motivation at all. It's not like I even have that much weight to loose - about 2 stone - so feel so bad complaining so much as I know other people have bigger weight problems and are coping with it great.

    I have been trying to be healthy and good, and just feel like I can't at the minute. I have been trying Slimming World since Saturday and had two 'blow outs' with chocolate and crisps already. I am supposed to be going to see my boyfriend next week (after not seeing him since new year) and really really don't want to - I'm going to feel so uncomfortable with him and not want to be intimate. I'm 21 for god's sake! I have a really nice, loving family, some great friends and an amazing boyfriend (albeit they all live 200+ miles away from me at the minute), I have a really good placement and a new job so earning money. On paper my life should be great, but I just feel like I'm a million miles away from my goal and can't handle it. I feel depressed constantly. I just want one week of weight loss to spur me on, but can't seem to get that right at the minute.

    I'm sorry to be complaining and rambling on here - I know you guys don't want to hear it, but I feel too embarrassed to talk to anyone else about it. Any advice would be so much appreciated.
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  3. Llamasoks

    Llamasoks Gold Member

    Miss14, don't struggle alone, that is what we're here for!

    I'm in a similar/not similar situation. I've been overweight since around the same age, and I'm 20 now, it really does impact how you feel, an I think everyone here gets what you're saying about intimacy and loneliness - we've probably all felt like that!

    Can I ask, when you say you're trying to be healthy and good, what exactly are you eating? I know you've said you've tried SW, but you seem to still be depriving yourself, and you really shouldn't be, it's a diet where you do get to eat - and there is wiggle room for chocolate and even crisps if you want them!

    "Me and my mum used to eat together to spend time together. We would eat healthy all day, then ruin it in the evening with a take away, numbers packets of crisps, chocolate, ice creams. We would do that daily or weekly."

    This pretty muchsummed my entire life up before I started SW, I live with my boyfriend, so we'd finish an evening up with a takeaway, followed by a bad dessert, you are not alone in this, I think that's how most of us got to be big in the first place. But you absolutely can do it, and you know what - 99% of us screw up sometimes, I've managed to lose over a stone, and last night, I had a complete breakdown and ate a huge doughnut, a bowl of ice cream and a huge bag of Cheetos to myself, but I will get back on it today, and it will still work for me - that's the key, getting back on it when you've screwed up!

    On paper, my life should also be freaking fantastic, but it's not, because I really feel I wont be happy till I've lost some weight, and if this is how you feel you're not alone, trust me - but you also have t start doing things to make yourself feel better - it's a double edged sword I know, you need to go out and start feeling comfortable in your own skin otherwise you wont feel comfortable even when you're a skinny mini, let me guess - you'd like to try the gym but don't feel comfortable there? or want to go for a run but worry people will look? get out and do it anyway, aside from dieting, it is hands down the best advise I could give you because not only will it help you lose weight and get to your goal, you'll feel 100% better ABOUT YOURSELF just for having done it, because you've achieved something by going out, or doing a jog, or a walk or even just going to the shops with your head held high. Feeling good about yourself isn't just about losing weight, make sure you learn to love you, it's the first step.

    If you need any help, we're always here.
  4. KentCat

    KentCat Full Member


    I've also always been a big girl. I like you ballooned at university, then went to slimming world and lost 3 stone. I managed to keep the weight off for about 3 years and then with one thing or another it slowly started going back on and before I knew it I was at my heaviest.

    Feeling very much that SW or weight watchers wouldn't work (basically because I didn't actually want to change my way of life) I had hypnosis. Again I lost about 3 stone felt amazing stopped attending the sessions and yes you've guessed it the weight went back on.

    Fast forward another 3yrs or so and my best friend got engaged, she asked me to be a bridesmaid and I said no because I didn't want to be the big fatty next to all my slim friends. She totally understood my reasons but also pointed out that I was the only one who could do something about that. A change of diet to more healthy non processed food and a gym membership later I was my lightest adult weight for her wedding. But a year later it had started creeping on again.

    Last year I was given some scary news that I was close to getting diabetes and my liver was showing signs of fatty liver disease. My initial reaction was to bury my head in the sand and pretend it wasn't happening. In October I moved in with my boyfriend and we're talking about our future. I want to be healthy so that future can happen.

    I had a long talk with my doctor about the mental stuff behind my yo yo weight. A lot of stuff came out that I'd been bottling up since I was the little fat girl on the playground.

    This time round I really feel in control of my weight loss and have lost 10lbs since the end of October. It's not a fast path and I refuse to say I'm on a diet, if I want a glass of wine or chocolate or pizza then it's allowed, within reason, and I know it won't spiral.

    I know so many people lose huge amounts of weight with the different diet programmes but I think until you talk to someone about the mental and emotional issues behind your eating it will always be a roller coaster of loss and gain.

    It's taken me till I'm 32 to sort my head out. Don't lose a decade fighting like I did

  5. miss14

    miss14 Full Member

    Thank you so much for both your comments! It feels so good to know that others know what I'm going through.. As both of you, all my friends are slim and don't have to do anything about it! I know I'm just feeling down because I weighed myself this morning and - even though I have had two blow outs since starting SW on Saturday - I thought the scales would surprise me and I'd have magically lost weight. That wasn't the case - I put 3 lbs on and am at my heaviest now. So no wonder I am feeling down.

    Llamasoks - Thanks for the advice. I actually am a member of the gym and once I'm there, I enjoy it. It just takes a HUGE push to get me there. I like classes as I can't skip out half way through, and have recently joined a new gym which offers quite a lot of classes, so your comment has given me some motivation and I have booked to do Legs Bums and Tums tonight! Am going to start posting in the Weight Diary's forum again as well, like you, so people can hopefully comment/motivate me. After reading your comment, I looked at your blog.. Ended up spending all morning in work (oops) reading it in between doing stuff. Me and you are so alike! I am quite scared of carbs as well and used to calorie count everything, which I really need to start doing again. So both in a very similar situation, and your blog really gave me some inspiration. I have subscribed and will be keeping updated on you're progress! Well done on your weight loss so far as well, you have done amazingly.

    KentCat - thanks for your comment as well.. You have really made me think twice about giving up as I want to nip this 2 stone in the bud now, before it gets more serious. Well done for your weight loss so far! Talking to someone really helps, but I get embarrassed or think I am being annoying.. but am going to start posting on these forums more now and hopefully kind people like you will help me through. Thanks again xx
  6. Llamasoks

    Llamasoks Gold Member

    I'll sub to your diary! I'm so pleased to hear you're a member of a gym, I always find it makes me feel better after doing it, but takes ages to get myself there! Legs, Bums and Tums sounds fun, let us know how you go! :)
  7. KentCat

    KentCat Full Member

    Doing exercise definitely has multiple benefits. As you say once you start it can be really enjoyable it's just the motivation. Always happy to be an exercise buddy checking in when we do stuff etc.

    I'm quite new to this forum and have already found it really supportive and it's good to have a place where we can say "I'm fat I hate it and I'm struggling" and just get tons of love and support without judgement.

    Enjoy tonight's class I'm going to be running to the train station (slowly) :)
  8. miss14

    miss14 Full Member

    As weird as it sounds.. your comment actually made me cry a little. So nice to know there is people out there who are so supportive. Thank you so much! x
  9. KentCat

    KentCat Full Member

    Not weird and happy to help anytime x
  10. KentCat

    KentCat Full Member

    Hey how goes things?
  11. miss14

    miss14 Full Member

    Hey.. things are a bit better thank you! Still feeling quite disheartened as I don't feel like I have lost any weight, but have been sticking to the plan pretty strictly so hoping to have seen a chance by Wednesday weigh in. How are you doing?
  12. KentCat

    KentCat Full Member

    Great work on sticking to the plan. I also weigh in on Wednesday's so we can keep each other motivated.

    I was hoping to get out for a run today but currently sat watching the rain come down and listening to the wind howl round the house.

    Thankfully nothing bad to eat in the house and no way I'm going outside!
  13. miss14

    miss14 Full Member

    Yes definitely! Do you go to class or weigh in from home? I'm weighing in from home at the minute. You'll definitely have to let me know how you get on :) we can do it! Have you got a food diary or anything? I'll give it a follow if you have. that's mine :)
    Eurgh, it's the worst when the weather is against you. Do you run often? I am trying to get back into exercising, my gym runs classes that are only 30-45 mins but you feel like you have had a really good workout, so they are good for me.
    Good thing you have nothing bad to eat in! That's the best advice I have gotten so far, to chuck out everything naughty because I know I won't be bothered about going to the shop to buy anything haha.
  14. KentCat

    KentCat Full Member


    Sorry for silence over the weekend, spent most of it curled up under a blanket nursing a cold. I weigh in at home but there is a "fat" club in work and we all update on our losses/gains. I've not gone down the route of food diaries, as I'm not actually following any kind of diet. I know lots of people say it but I'm trying to just eat healthily and do more exercise. We moved house in October and live out in the countryside which means I cycle to the station and back for work, it's only about 3K and on the way there it's all downhill but something is better than nothing.

    I used to run a lot and have over time done a 5K, 10K 15K and half marathon but I got an injury and stopped running and that's when the weight piled on again. At the moment I'm trying to run short distances about 2K a couple of times a week and then get a longer run in at the weekend, although with the weather this past weekend it doesn't always happen. Classes are good because you can't give up. It's a bit like that with the cycling, I have to get home to so just have to keep going, even if sometimes I really want to just throw the thing to the ground and give up.

    How did the rest of your weekend go? Although not necessarily unhealthy things I definitely fed the cold this weekend, not too keen on Wednesday coming around!
  15. Lauraleigh14

    Lauraleigh14 Member

    I know exactly what you are going through as I have started and stopped with SW so many times. But this time I really want to succeed as I think it is affecting my fertility so I want to lose 3st at least to give me a fighting chance.

    Keep your chin up and keep at it!!! This forum is good for ideas on recipes, support and tips on how to stay on track!!!

    I had had a bad Saturday but got straight back on it yesterday so I'm hoping to lose something Thursday lol :rotflmao:
  16. miss14

    miss14 Full Member

    KentCat - Sorry to hear about your cold! Hope your feeling better now. Well done for staying on track with not eating unhealthy though - when I feel sorry for myself I tend to believe 10 bars of chocolate and a mountain of cheesecake will help. Needless to say it always makes me feel worst, sick and guilty at then time, then the next day I have a horrendous food hangover! Real emotional/bored eater. Not done that for a while though :). Your cycling sounds good, as you say you can't really give up on it because it has to get you somewhere! Wow I would love to be able to run a half marathon but I just can't seem to get into the mind frame at the minute to run. I am going to continue with the classes for a while I think - I enjoy them more anyway. The rest of the weekend went fine thanks. I was working nights so I end up eating slightly more than usual because of timing of meals etc but I have stuck to the plan! Went over my syns by 1.5 yesterday but some days have not eaten them all so feeling quite positive. Nervous for the scales on Wednesday though- I'm dying for a loss! Let me know what happens on Wednesday! Good luck! How much have you got to loose in total?

    Laura - Glad to see you are back on the wagon! These forums have literally been my life saver, they are so supportive and you don't have to feel embarrassed if you have a bad day. I'm looking forward to trying out some of the new recipes that get posted on here - especially the fakeaways! Don't worry about your Saturday and just keep on it this week.. Let me know how you get on!
  17. KentCat

    KentCat Full Member

    I want to lose about 30lbs in 2014 having lost about 7lbs between end of October and Christmas.

    Technically at that weight I'll still be overweight but I think it's a more realistic goal and once there I can always set a second goal.

    What you? What's your target weight loss?
  18. miss14

    miss14 Full Member

    Thats a very realistic goal, I'm sure you will achieve it!
    I would like to loose just under 2 stone - 1 stone 12lbs to be exact. I'm moving house in 12 weeks though so hoping for at least 10lbs gone in that 12 weeks, which will bring me down to my lowest ever weight.
  19. KentCat

    KentCat Full Member

    Good luck with the mini target. I decided to be realistic and this first target will take me to back to the lightest I've been as an adult.

    Depressingly I worked out that even if I lose a 1lb a week I'd still technically be overweight at the end of the year! But not a thought I'm focusing on.

    Good luck tomorrow let me know how you get on.
  20. KentCat

    KentCat Full Member

    1lb loss for me. I would have liked more but a loss is a loss and considering we had take away when the power went last week and I didn't get out for a run at the weekend I'll take the 1lb

    Good luck with your WI
  21. miss14

    miss14 Full Member

    That's great! Well done, it's so good you could have a take out and still lose weight, you have obviously been putting the hard work in!
    I lost 2lbs which I'm really happy with!

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