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Refusing a wedding Invitation - advice please

S: 16st6lb C: 9st6lb G: 9st6lb BMI: 24.1 Loss: 7st0lb(42.61%)
#1
My OH's brother is getting married in Ireland at Easter but isn't inviting any children. We understand that but it means that we can't go because we have no one to look after our son.
Should we say why we aren't going on the refusal or just let the reason filter down through the rest of the family?
My OH isn't close to this particular brother and we don't want to make a fuss, but we don't want to be the bad guys by not going either. My MIL suggests that my OH should leave us behind and go by himself but he doesn't want to do that.
 
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suepat10

I am one of the 63336
S: 20st3lb C: 20st3lb G: 12st7lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#2
Hiya

I think you should say why you can't go to save any second guessing but don't make it an 'issue'. Something along the lines of 'Thank you for the invitation to your wedding. Unfortunately we won't be able to attend as we have nobody to look after (son's name) but we sincerely hope you have a wonderful day and really look forward to seeing the photos. Hopefully we can get together soon and celebrate your wedding then'.
 

alwyn

Silver Member
S: 80.29kg C: 80.29kg G: 60.33kg BMI: 29.5 Loss: 0kg(0%)
#4
Suepat10, that's a really eloquent and tactful reply!

Personally I don't understand people who don't want children at their wedding, I think they make family occasions!! But each to their own I suppose....
 

eye6769

Vegetarian who lives2eat
G: 11st0lb
#5
Maybe someone here could help you out and babysit for your son just for the wedding itself, where is the wedding taking place, you could turn it into a family break.
 

Sticky

I will succeed!!!
S: 13st3lb C: 12st8.5lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 29.4 Loss: 0st8.5lb(4.59%)
#6
I agree with Sue - just tell them why. It's a legit reason and it's not like you'd be telling them in a bad way!

I'm planning my wedding and we're not inviting children of anyone who isn't family to the ceremony and meal. It's not that we don't like children or anything, it's just how we want to run things. Plus, a lot of our friends openly said they'd rather they didn't bring their kids as it'll be a weekend off, so we already know we're on safe ground in the large part.

But, we appreciate that this isn't necessarily easy for people to accomodate this choice of ours and we'd not be offended by people not attending as a result of it - so I wouldn't worry too much. Not only is it hard to get a baby sitter a lot of the time anyway, but you'd be in a different country - they will understand this I am sure.

Hope it works out well xx
 
S: 16st6lb C: 9st6lb G: 9st6lb BMI: 24.1 Loss: 7st0lb(42.61%)
#7
Hiya

I think you should say why you can't go to save any second guessing but don't make it an 'issue'. Something along the lines of 'Thank you for the invitation to your wedding. Unfortunately we won't be able to attend as we have nobody to look after (son's name) but we sincerely hope you have a wonderful day and really look forward to seeing the photos. Hopefully we can get together soon and celebrate your wedding then'.
Thanks so much for that, it's perfect and I have written a card and posted it off.
We have the added difficulty that our son is special needs so can't be left with just anyone.
We are a little disappointed to miss the wedding but t least with your help we have declined gracefully.

Thankyou to everyone who answered aswell, it's a very difficult situation and we know that some of the other brothers and sisters are very offended that their children aren't invited, especially as most of the children are 9 years plus.
The couple getting married are 30 plus professionals and think children are a bit of an annoyance so don't want them at the wedding.
 
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julie19

Silver Member
G: 10st0lb
#8
I don't know how people can think their nieces & nephews are an annoyance and want to exclude them from the wedding - I would feel awful getting married without my nieces & my BF's son being there - I would feel like my day was missing something
 
S: 12st6lb C: 12st4lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 29.5 Loss: 0st2lb(1.15%)
#9
What she said! I deliberately picked bridesmaids aged 2 and 3. And there were no children in our family at that time. But they MAKE weddings

Lynda
 
#10
I would just tell them the reason. THey will understand.

One of the reasons we decided to not have young children at our wedding and meal is because I a) don't want them crying or screeching throughout the service and b) because of cost. We get charged teh same cost for a child meal to that of an adult. I cannot justify £65 for a childs meal when they are unlikely to eat a 3 course dinner.

Couldn't you ask whether children are welcome in the evening? Then you could go over, your partner could attend the service and then you can all go in the evening. Might be worth asking.
 
S: 12st6lb C: 12st4lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 29.5 Loss: 0st2lb(1.15%)
#11
Blimey. I couldn't justify £65.00 for an adult meal!!! I suppose it epends what it is you want from the day. I just wanted to get married amongst the family and friends that mean the most to me. Children talking in the ceremony is all part of it. The best bits of wedding videos are usually the little ones. The serious bit was the love I was declaring to him and those closest to me. I know some like everything to be perfect, and that is what is important to them. At the end of the day, their wedding, their choice, but if that means you can't make it, all you can do is politely decline.

Lynda
 

mojomcl

Silver Member
S: 20st5lb C: 20st5lb G: 12st7lb BMI: 53.8 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#13
I think that's the perfect reply.
I'm afraid to say that I had no children at my wedding, relations or otherwise. Why? Because I simply don't like them, and didn't want any around me on the day that everyone kept reminding me, was *mine*! lol Selfish? Yup, you bet I am!
 


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