Restarted on Thursday

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Returners' started by artemis, 5 August 2007 Social URL.

  1. artemis

    artemis Lil' Miss Naughty

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    Well my counsellor called me after i hadnt been in 5 months. I wanted to restart and went on Thursday.
    Im happy to feel like im back in control, though im a little tired today. I thought I was going into Ketosis yesterday but maybe not.

    I put on a stone during my sabbattical, well, I put it one, then lost it, then put it on then lost it etc.

    Things came to a head for me recently when i find myself sitting in crying all the time. Plus people at work where asking me if everything was ok as im normally so happy. So i guess it was showing.

    Anyway day 4 for me today.
    I cant wait til thursday.

    Im considering throwing my scales away as I thinkl they trigger me.
     
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  3. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

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    Well done on getting to day 4 and good luck for your weigh in on Thursday :clap:
     
  4. artemis

    artemis Lil' Miss Naughty

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    Thanks DQ, plus I wanna join in on the star thing :)
     
  5. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

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    Welcome to the Fallen Angels honey!! :cool:
     
  6. Starlight

    Starlight Gold Member

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    Well done on your restart and best of luck on CD :)

    Look forward to hearing how youre getting on
     
  7. artemis

    artemis Lil' Miss Naughty

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    Thanks!!

    My stomach just gurgled, it reminds me of ketosis!!!!
     
  8. artemis

    artemis Lil' Miss Naughty

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    Bah, I dont know how well ive been doing. Actually i know how bad ive been ding. It all started with day 5, and a bit of protien. I stupidly thought i could do 4 packs and eat as much non carb foods as i like.

    Nopes. Then when i had my first weigh in i'd only lost 2lbs. So i tried hard for another 2 days, then i got sent away on work so i missed 3 weeks.

    Faced many triggers and failed miserably. I only had 2 days where i attacked carbs, but the rest of the time i was a protien monster.

    So i was out of ketosis and am trying hard to get back in.

    Im so down though, I have a weighin on thursday and i should be 11st, given my goals, but im no way near likely to be at it. I think I will be the 11st 12 i was when i restarted 4 weeks ago if not more.

    I hate myself.
     
  9. Geri

    Geri Gold Member

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    Hiya Artemis,
    aww don't hate yourself hun, thats wasted energy...

    Get yourself back on the wagon, have an extra pack if you need to rather than having some protein as thats such a slippery slope, at least then you'll be abstaining from food, then you can gradually get yourself onto the 4 packs...

    Try not to fret about what the scales will say on Thursday, if you get back on now, they'll be saying less than they are at present...

    Beleive in yourself, you CAN do it :D
     
  10. artemis

    artemis Lil' Miss Naughty

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    Thanks so much Geri, that made me feel better, at the minute im trying to ignore the fact there is a roast downstairs!

    I tried doing extra packs before, if i was really wobbling and found it so helpful. But my counsellor said even one extra would knock me from ketosis, so thats where my genious protien plan came from.

    I just feel like i keep going in circles. Ive managed to be on the programme very strictly for the last 2 days, as i am at home in my mums, i know if i trigger here it will be a spiral which will include alcohol, chinese etc.

    So i am at least proud that i have controlled it here.

    I just want to stay on the wagon until thursday for weighin, see the damage and be motivated again.
     
  11. Bundle

    Bundle Full Member

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    Hi Everyone

    Thought I would reacquaint myself with the LL Forums as I am starting back on LL either on 5th or 12th September for my sins! Waiting to hear the date of new class but may start on the 5th anyway with some old packs as I am going to Florida for Christmas on 21st December so time is of the essence!

    Please God I can make it a second time round. Lost 8 and a half stone in 6 months and then a further 7 pounds from my tummy surgery but here I am weighing I don't know how much as I'm frightened to get on the scales:cry:My guess is that I'm about 15 and a half stone:eek: but I will find out for sure 5th September - can't face the depression of finding out any sooner. Still, on the bright side I started LL in May 2005 at 18 stone 3 so it could be worse I suppose!

    Anyway, I previously found the DiscoveryHealth Forum very useful and as I am aware that many other Lighterlifers migrated to this site, thought this is where I would plot my progress so watch this space ......!

    Bundle
    x
     
  12. Bundle

    Bundle Full Member

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    Just had a call from LL counsellor and class starting tonight! Going away this weekend for M&D's 50th anniversary so I will attend meeting tonight but start the LL on Monday so it bit sooner than I thought which is good.
     
  13. Geri

    Geri Gold Member

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    Hiya Bundle :)
    Great to hear you can start back sooner than you thought, srike whilst the irons hot n all that! :D

    You may not have put back on as much as you thought - whatever the result, it's your starting point and you know you'll soon be leaving it behind :)

    Have a great weekend, and all the best for Monday :)

    Artemis,
    how are you doing?
     
  14. Bundle

    Bundle Full Member

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    Thanks Geri - I remember you! My husband is going back to Heather on Sunday although he only needs to lose about a stone and a bit he's done fantastically well in keeping it off - just wants to make sure he 'nips it in the bud'. I think I 'm going to start my own diary thread (I presume that's ok?) as I think I've hijacked someone else's here! Nice to hear from you!
     
  15. artemis

    artemis Lil' Miss Naughty

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    Hi Bundle, Welcome. Feel free to hi-jack it :p

    Geri im doing ok, trying to hang in there until tomorrow for weighin. I will be devastated if my weight is really bad. On the upside my boss who hasnt seen me for 3 weeks saw me today and said i was looking skinny.

    So here is hoping!
     
  16. artemis

    artemis Lil' Miss Naughty

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    Ok, so I went a bit of the rails. And gained a pound instead of losing anything.
    I managed to stay away from carbs mostly.

    I wasnt even gonna go to my session last night cos I knew how bad Id been, but once i decided that I then thought, oh you can binge tonight then.... So i quickly got my 1lb heavier ass to LL.

    Im so glad I went though, there are only a few in my group so its easy to talk and we identified why i keep doing this.
    I got between 10 st 10lbs and 11st 12lbs constantly since novemeber. The reason; self sabotage, I am scared of being small. And terrified of relationships. So i protect myself from all of it by blocking with food and alcohol.

    Now that i have a new (ex ) boyfreind in my life I freak out with crooked thinking, even though hes wonderful.

    It all stems from an abusive (in every sense) relation i had when i was 20, it lasted just over a year but i have never got over it and although the physical scars have faded, the emotional ones remain. Particularly the ongoing abuse about my physical appearance.

    When i was with the guy im with now, Lets call him S, i pushed him away and was so horrible to him because i was scared of hurting. I totally shut down in everything, infact there are a few years of my life that i cant even remeber.
    Now im with S again Im scared incase he finds out im still a mess.

    Last night made me realise that despite the fact i dont blame myself for what happened at the hands of this abusive person, I just havent let go off the hurt. Sometimes i cant even think about it, its almost like it happened to someone else.
    But until i greive for what happened and let it go I am still in child mode holding to the false evidence that every man will hurt me. Or in the few flings Ive had since I have acted in a way to force hurtful behaviour in order to justify my initial thoughts.


    My group were so supportive last night and as a result i have decided to seek counselling or I will never be able to have peace with myself and a balanced adult relationship.

    Sorry if this seems like doom and gloom, its not intended that way.

    Things I have put in place to help me SS

    I am going for a stop in this weekend
    I refused to have any bars this week - can be a trigger
    I am aiming for 8 litres of water every day
    I am calling a counsellor today

    Yesterday, I had 2 of my packs, and just 1 glass of wine.

    Today I am aiming for 100% SS
    Today, I will be gentle with myself in regards to my thoughts.
     
  17. artemis

    artemis Lil' Miss Naughty

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    Just been for a stop in, 4lbs lighter!
     
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  19. artemis

    artemis Lil' Miss Naughty

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    I fell of the wagon the next day.
    Havent even managed to go to class more than once since. It starts in 30 mins, i should really face it, but im sitting planning tonights binge.

    I suck.
     
  20. Isis

    Isis Ancient Egypt Nut!

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    I'm wondering if you decided to go to the class after all? Only you can truly know if that is what you want to do at the moment hun or not. Bingeing, in my experience is a short fix and then feeling worse after but I'm sure you know that.:rolleyes:

    Just remember that Minimins is here to give support to you at anytime and regardless of whether you are losing weight at the moment or not. :) If banging it all out on the keyboard helps, then you always have that option.

    Love and best wishes and be kind to yourself okay as you definitely don't "suck"!!


    Lacey x :D
     
    Last edited: 25 October 2007
  21. artemis

    artemis Lil' Miss Naughty

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    I went to class, time to start facing everything and recovering.

    Im 155 lbs, if i can just get under 11st i can do it. Its my wall though, every time i get near it i go crazy and eat my way to 160.

    So 11 1lb today.
     
  22. artemis

    artemis Lil' Miss Naughty

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    11st 2lb on thurs, prob more now!

    156


    Now i am in america for a week.

    I get 2 ways to go from here.

    Choice 1 - Im in america, land of food, great food, lots of food. I have an expense account, Im alone in hotel room and im stressed because of the really important week i have. I could binge myself silly.

    Choice 2 - Treat it as a health week. Perfect opportunity to restrict. Free access to gym/pool.
    I could use it as a serious detox/workout/restrict week and try to break my plateau of the 154 mark to get under. Meaning if i got home under 154 i would have passed my trigger weight.
    Plus not bingeing will help my confidence to help me deal with my stressful week.

    So, Go home at 160 or potentially 150, and all thats between it is a simple choice. My choice.

    Do i have the courage to face this head on?
    Or will i follow old habits and be weak.

    Im hoping for Choice 2.
    *prays for stength*
     
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