Total Solution Sam is back on it and determined! - Exante attempt # 476 :)

[Samprand]

Ah, minimins, I've missed you

This is my umpteenth return to the site, and to Exante, but I'm in it for the long haul this time (again lol)

My weight snuck up to my biggest ever recently - 19st 7lbs/273 lbs. I've managed to get down to 18st 4lbs through trying to curb my eating but then found that I was falling back in to old habits, so have turned to Exante to break the cycle and finally shift some of blubber for good!

I'm finally taking responsibility for my weight, and the health conditions that it is affecting - namely arthritis in my left knee and PCOS (cysts on my ovaries). Both of these issues is going to require treatment, in the form of a knee replacement within the next 10 years or so, and possibly surgical removal/draining of cysts, possibly within the next few months depending on how bad an upcoming scan shows the situation is.

Suffice to say, being twice my ideal body weight isn't ideal when you're looking at the business end of going under the knife! So to make things safer for myself and to lower any risks, I'm now at a point in my life where I can't just shrug my weight off and ignore it, comforting myself with food.

It's time to look my obesity in the face, kick it in the goolies and send it packing! :whoopass:

In short - I'm sorting myself out, no more messing, no more half-arsed efforts, no more "I'm-going-back-on-Exante-and-I-mean-it-then-failing-by-day-2" stories.

I'm 27 in August this year, and I am adamant that it will be my last 'fat' birthday. I WILL be a size 8 by my 28th lol

I would like to look at starting a family with my long-suffering partner Andy within the next few years, depending on the PCOS situation though obviously, but may need treatment and am simply not prepared to waste any more time putting off losing weight only to be told I need to do it anyway to get fertility treatment. So yeah, I'll just get on with it now and save myself some time later down the line

I'm angry at myself for allowing myself to get to this point, and have no one to blame but myself and lack of control (and also, I believe I have (still have??) a slight food addiction, which has excelled itself recently as I have TWICE compulsively eaten until the point of vomiting). But instead of wallowing, and again, turning to comfort food, I am going to use my frustration as motivation to just keep going.

I have been on Exante for the past few days and am now at the end of Day 3, so am almost through the initial few days. Day 4 tomorrow which is meant to be the most difficult and I have a 12 hour shift at work. Oh dear lol I'm hoping I won't be too bad. Day 2 has been the hardest for me so far, and almost broke me, food thoughts and cravings were running rampant and I even thought about jacking the whole thing in, hence the "failing-by-day-2" comment above. I managed to get through it somehow and had some low carb high protein food which kept me on the wagon, success!

I plan to be on Exante Total Solution, 100% until 18th August, when I am due to have a week off work as both mine and my partner's birthdays are around that time, and may (or may not) have a few days of conventional (but healthy) food, so not going completely nuts and scoffing buckets of chocolate just for the sake of it. I would then have to go through the whole getting-in-to-ketosis phase again but it may help to kick-start my weight loss again which may have started to slow a lot by that point. But I'll decide what I'm going to do about all that nearer the time.

Anyway, that's me. Determined. In control. Doing it :superwoman:

Please feel free to comment, say hello, offer advice, and keep me on the straight and narrow!

 

[bob123]

Hello! Welcome, you sound like you're completely in the right zone to tackle this once and for all, remember when it gets tough if we do it right this time, it will be the last time look forward to reading about your journey, hope you have a good one x

 

[lynneonextante]

Hi Sam. Welcome back.

 

[Samprand]

Hello! Welcome, you sound like you're completely in the right zone to tackle this once and for all, remember when it gets tough if we do it right this time, it will be the last time look forward to reading about your journey, hope you have a good one x

Hi bob Thanks for the message. Yes you're totally right - do it right once and there's no need to repeat it! That's the kind of logic I can get behind lol Your stats are looking good, well done on the loss, how are you getting on? x

Hi Sam. Welcome back.

Well hello there Lynne, we meet again, what are the chances How are you? x

I'm at the end of day 4 now, wooooooooop!!! Made it through my 12 hour shift with not so much as a sniff of a wobble, but I did find myself trying to make myself busy when it was lunch time and beef curry was being served, goodness me, even the smell made my mouth water. Had a cup of tea as a 'snack' during both my morning and afternoon breaks, and lunch was a banana shake, bar and another cup of tea. I know we aren't meant to have too much tea/coffee and are meant to not have any milk if we do choose to have a hot drink, but I know myself well enough to know that if I only drank water I wouldn't make it past 2 days before I caved and had something uber-naughty and packed full of citric acid, like full fat lemonade or something equally demonic lol So I have milk in my tea and am hoping it won't effect me getting in to ketosis, it didn't seem to make any difference before so I'm keeping my fingers crossed this time too!

I found myself feeling quite thirsty throughout the day and only went for a pee twice the whole day, which is unheard of when you're drinking loads of fluid as Exante recommends, although I definitely didn't drink as much as I have done while I've been at home so that explains the lack of peeing

I haven't had the headache either, so am unsure if I am in ketosis yet or not or if I have just escaped it somehow. I might try to get hold of some ketostix to test myself.

Anyhoo, another day done and dusted, I'm off to watch tv in bed and get an early night ready for work again tomorrow xx

 

[Susie58]

Welcome back Sam. Glad to see you are giving it another shot. You sound like you have come to the point where enough is enough.

Regarding your knee you probably know that its best to delay a joint replacement for as long as possible when you are so young. Losing weight will help you do that so well done on getting to day 4.

Hope tomorrow is another good one for you, then you will almost have the 1st week under your belt.

Good that no headache has appeared this time. Hope that ketosis has set in now x

 

[bob123]

I'm finding it surprisingly easy at the minute... Ask me next week though after having eaten this weekend! My biggest stumbling point is often around week 6 on any diet - I find then that I get bored of it, think it's not working etc ect and just give up! So I'm due another week or so plain sailing then you'll all have to kick my butt to make me stay on track!

 

[Samprand]

Oh my gawd. Well that didn't last long. I've had a MA-HOO-SIVE binge.

Yesterday was fine. But today I've had a really awful, emotional day. Without wanting to go in to too much detail, I had to take my mum to an appointment to be assessed for claiming benefits. For those of you who have never had to attend anything like that, you basically have to have your life, history, medical conditions and mental health picked apart to see if you are sufficiently "in need".

Long story short, in addition to physical issues, my mum has really bad depression (which I already knew). What I didn't know was just how bad, because she keeps so much to herself, and let me just say right now that I've never seen her in such a state. We're talking full-blown, cant function, not leaving the house, not getting dressed, not eating, suicidal thoughts, the whole lot. So, to see your own mother in that state, in tears, trying her best to explain to a stranger why she is the way she is but not being able to talk between sobbing, has set me back. Not that I'm making her issues an excuse for me to scoff, but I was fuming angry at the power the depression has over her and the fact that it makes me feel so powerless to help her and make everything ok, so I've turned to food. Predictable I know.

Sorry to be on such a downer, but today has just really taken it out of me.

But anyway, I won't let this derail me completely. I'll write this off, chalk it up to experience and get back to plan. It's meant to be my weigh in day tomorrow (day 7) but after the amount I've eaten I think I'll give it a miss lol and just weigh in on day 14 instead. Either that or weigh myself tomorrow as planned and make that my re-start weight. Or just take the inevitable gain and crack on. Thoughts?

Here's to tomorrow xxxxx

Welcome back Sam. Glad to see you are giving it another shot. You sound like you have come to the point where enough is enough.

Regarding your knee you probably know that its best to delay a joint replacement for as long as possible when you are so young. Losing weight will help you do that so well done on getting to day 4.

Hope tomorrow is another good one for you, then you will almost have the 1st week under your belt.

Good that no headache has appeared this time. Hope that ketosis has set in now x

I think ketosis probably had kicked in but that's gone to hell at the moment Back on plan as of now! x

I'm finding it surprisingly easy at the minute... Ask me next week though after having eaten this weekend! My biggest stumbling point is often around week 6 on any diet - I find then that I get bored of it, think it's not working etc ect and just give up! So I'm due another week or so plain sailing then you'll all have to kick my butt to make me stay on track!

We'll get you through it

 

[Susie58]

Sorry your mum is struggling Sam. Must be difficult for you.

I would weigh tomorrow & use that as your new start weight. That way you can get straight back on it tomorrow from scratch x

 

[Samprand]

It's so hard because there's just nothing that I can do to help. I mean, I try to talk to her about why she feels so low, and shes open about the reasons why (mainly struggling with grief and loss but there's so much more than that) but there's nothing that I can say or do that will make things better for her. She's had counselling from 3 different companies and a course of CBT but nothing has seemed to help her. Just don't want her to feel this way any more, it's so gutting to know that she's feeling this way and keeping it to herself while I'm off doing other things. To some extent I blame myself as I work anywhere from 40-60 hours a week (I'm the only one in the house working as my partner also has severe depression/anxiety so can't work) so I don't exactly have a lot of free time, but when I do have a day off I do shopping for mum and nan and things like that, or take them to appointments, and any time I'm at home just chilling out I feel guilty.

Ah being an adult is so complicated lol

Good advice Susie. I've got a day off today but am feeling so sick from the binge, I've been up since 7, typical Weighed myself the day before yesterday and was 17st 10, so was looking at a minimum 8lb loss, but weighed myself just now and was 18st exactly, which is fair enough I suppose after everything, so a 4lb loss.

Back on it now though, clawing back some control

 

[Sleek_Chick]

Sorry to hear about your mum, Samprand. Many people overlook the seriousness of mental health conditions; I suffer from depression and anxiety, albeit not as bad, so I can empathise. CBT was helpful for me, but I do think it needs to be ongoing; it involves a lot of practise which needs to be repeated frequently.

Don't be too hard on yourself! 4 lbs is still a fantastic loss.

 

[Susie58]

4lb is going in the right direction so well done Sam.

You are helping your mum out the best you can so take some comfort in that. Every bit of support counts

Hope today goes to plan x

 

[Samprand]

Frustrating to know that I could have lost at least double those 4lbs but it is what it is, no good in dwelling on it. Weight loss should be about more than just numbers so I'll keep telling myself that lol I had noticed that my work uniform was feeling looser the other day and my stomach wasnt as bloated, so that's good. I just hope that's still the case when I put my uniform on tomorrow morning!

Sorry to hear about your mum, Samprand. Many people overlook the seriousness of mental health conditions; I suffer from depression and anxiety, albeit not as bad, so I can empathise. CBT was helpful for me, but I do think it needs to be ongoing; it involves a lot of practise which needs to be repeated frequently.

Don't be too hard on yourself! 4 lbs is still a fantastic loss.

Thank you I think CBT is a good idea but like you said it needs to be longer-term for some people, everyone's different, some people need more help than others and I think my mum is one of those people unfortunately. Sorry to hear that you have depression, I agree with you that people overlook mental health issues. I think it's so much easier to ignore than physical issues because you can't actually see it, so it's easy to downplay. I also think that people are scared of mental health issues, it's still a taboo really even in this day and age, which is ridiculous, especially as depression is the most frequently diagnosed condition in the world lol

4lb is going in the right direction so well done Sam.

You are helping your mum out the best you can so take some comfort in that. Every bit of support counts

Hope today goes to plan x

Thanks susie I'm feeling a bit better about it all now I suppose, it was just such a shock to the system. I've spoken to mum today and she told me that she hadn't meant to upset me but had to be honest in the assessment, I told her that it's fine and that I just worry about her a lot, I also told her not to ever apologise for feeling the way she does. In a twisted sort of way it's kind of been a good thing as I hope she knows she can come to me now. I told her that I'm here for her, any time day or night, so it's good to have some honest and open communication lines established, with her knowing I'm here to support her 24/7.

Today's ok so far, haven't eaten yet for 2 reasons.

1 - I was still bingeing fairly late last night so think my poor stomach could do with a break

2 - Evenings are my danger time lol so I tend to keep my packs for the evening and just have water, tea and coffee throughout the day.

I know we're meant to spread the packs out during the day, but I'm a rebel like that lol in my opinion, exante is so extreme that people sometimes create their own way to work with the diet, and that's my method

How are you both getting on? Thanks for the support, you're both stars xx

 

[Susie58]

Your so right in keeping the lines of communication open with your mum. I'm sure she appreciates that.

I'm not on strict TS till my foot heals & till I can come of the anti-inflammatories so there's a bit of yoyoing going on with me at the moment. Nothing drastic just lb up lb down sort of thing.

I always save my 1st pack till 3pm as evenings are the worse for me too. Best to do it the way we find the most successful at the end of the day x

 

[Sleek_Chick]

I agree with everything you said, Sam. I am extremely close to my mum, so I can only imagine how you feel, but I would hate to see her in any pain or suffering. I hope she can find some relief from it all.

I had my packs much later too yesterday, as I wasn't hungry in the day. I agree - evenings are definitely my downfall, so I make sure I have my last pack around 9pm. Glad you've found a routine that's working for you.

Minimins is here to offer support Have a great weekend! xxx

 

[lynneonextante]

Hi Sam. 4lb is great. I'm really sorry about your mum. It must be difficult for you seeing her so down. I wish there was more understanding about depression in society because it's a condition that most of us suffer at some time to varying degrees. Really pleased to see you sticking at exante Sam and also bouncing back instead of disappearing when you had a blip. I'm really struggling at the moment - my weight is going in the wrong direction - but I'll keep at it until I do manage to get back properly on track.!

 

[Samprand]

Good god, 4am and I'm on minimins, why? You'll have to ask the part of my brain that makes me binge lol

How are you all?

Ironic that Lynne said about me disappearing and that's exactly what I've done (again!) Feeling really sick right now, hence me being awake, it was my partner's birthday yesterday and it passed in a haze of homemade chocolate cake and a hideous amount of calories from other goodies, suffice to say that impulsive eating reared its ugly head. My birthday has also passed and I am back to work on Monday after a week off so I've got no excuse but to go full-pelt at this Exante lark and shift some of my ever-expanding blubber.

Think I'll read back through all of your lovely comments tomorrow to get myself re-inspired and motivated - Mum seems to be ok at the mo, she's had a few appointments lately which I've been with her for to address some of her physical issues so I think she's feeling apprehensive (understandable) but is looking forward to getting some things sorted.

In other news, I've had to postpone my PCOS scan, should have been done on the 13th but a colleague of mine "forgot" that we had swapped shifts as I was originally working that day and she had "already made plans", meaning that I had no chance of attending my appointment really lol anyhoo, managed to re-book it for 11th September, so will see what happens.

Partner and I have ordered a treadmill which I am going to use significantly more often than my exercise bike which is just gathering dust lol I plan to use both though really, to clock up 1000 miles by Christmas (part of a challenge I joined before I disappeared). Quite difficult finding a treadmill that wasn't incredibly expensive that is suitable for heavier people - most we looked at had a 15st 10lb limit, so we had to be willing to pay an extra £150 or so to find one that can cope with a heavier person, the one we chose has a maximum user weight of 19st 10lb, so even my big bottom shouldn't break it lol My partner is going to use the treadmill too as he finds the exercise bike awkward to use due to him being fairly tall, and he would like to lose a few stone and bulk up, ordered some weights for him too. In an ideal world we'd just go out for walks but he has quite severe anxiety and social phobia, so that's out of the question for him. Although you never know, as he gets fitter it wouldn't surprise me if he felt more able to leave the flat now and then and interact with people, as him feeling unhealthy leads to him obsessing that he is going to have panic attacks etc

So here we are, pretty much back at square one, I've got to be back around 18st 7lb again, but that's ok, it's a very much deserved gain. I'm the reason the weight has come back on and I'm going to be the reason I lose it

Hope you're all well! x

 

[Lois]

Welcome back Sam. Sounds like you had a fabulous birthday! :birthday:

Now it's time to knuckle down and get your weight and health sorted. You know this diet works, so drink your water/coke zero or whatever and have your headache tablets ready.
You can do this, we all have the same goal. Hang on in there :hug99: xx

 

[Samprand]

Welcome back Sam. Sounds like you had a fabulous birthday! :birthday:

Now it's time to knuckle down and get your weight and health sorted. You know this diet works, so drink your water/coke zero or whatever and have your headache tablets ready.
You can do this, we all have the same goal. Hang on in there :hug99: xx

My birthday was very delicious lol and my partner still has cake left, I'm trying not to look directly at it in case it pulls me in :giggle:

Doing ok today, had about 1.5 litres of water and am now having a coffee, and have done a total of 10 miles on the exercise bike which only took around 40 minutes.

How are you doing? x

 

[Susie58]

Hi Sam. I think the exercising is so important in helping stay on track. Well done on the 10 miles. I usually put a taped programme on & keep going till its finished.

Good luck this week x

 

[Lois]

Good morning. I've restarted too, just going into my week 2

But, feeling pretty positive and motivated to get to goal this time :fingerscrossed: we can but try xx