Sarah's back, and this time she's happy

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Cerulean, 19 January 2008 Social URL.

  1. Cerulean

    Cerulean Gold Member

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    Hello everyone.

    It's been a good 3 months since you last heard much from me. In fact, my last post would have been round about the time I started the reading for my Psychology conversion course.

    It's been hard work. Work gave me a huge bonus at Christmas. Enough to clear off my worst debt and with enough money for treats like a PC (I already had a Macbook, but unfortunately the statistics software I need to use for my degree meant I needed to splash out!) and some sexy boots and a trenchcoat.

    I am a size 14 I think - in the classic sense, but this is mainly because of my boobs (they came back. Strangely though, I am still the same bra size as I was in July (hmmm!), but a 32 back is a bit tight, but a 34 floats around - so I guess I'm now a 33 E - shame that size doesn't actually exist :)

    The oddest thing has been realising what it feels like to be NORMAL. I was skinny in the summer. Now I feel like an ordinary person, healthy, fit - I've calmed down on all of my bingeing behaviour - I have had chocolates open in the house since Tuesday and they are so rich that I keep thinking - 'oooh - not for a while yet'. I also have M&S's organic seed and nut bars (a tasty replacement for my LL Nut Crunches - and far less calories!) in my desk, and since Monday I haven't bothered with them. My trick has been to feel 'stocked up'

    I had my first (warning food talk gets a bit more x rated here on in!) scone with clotted cream and jam in over a year yesterday and a bag of pork scratchings. They were fun to eat, but my little divil didn't make me go back for more. I just thought 'Blimey - I couldn't eat that every day'

    This weekend I'm having a bit of a detox. Work has been so stressful with barely enough time to get a full night's sleep for the last couple of months that I haven't had time to exercise - my main reading time for my course is on the bus so I had to give up the cycling for a while - I do religiously stick to making sure I do at least one big yomp around London a week - even if it's only the walking the 3 miles to the shops in Camden or Angel and back, I do make sure that one thing never slips.

    I was drinking a lot before Christmas, mainly because I had a lot of catching up to do with my friends, and I've realised that - y'know what? The best drink in the world is water.

    I haven't given up drinking, but now I have one or two things I like the sound of every few weeks or so. I accept that at 34 (nearly) I have to kind of look after my body if I want it to get me through the next 50 years!

    LighterLife has changed my life. But I think the important thing is the weight you lose for your health - the weight that lets you let go and feel freer. The skinny thing, the size 10 - well - it's lovely - but when you get there, unless you know what else you wanted, your old habits will start nudging you towards the security of 'just the one more'. I didn't know what I wanted when I got there last summer and although I held on to it for a fair old while, I think I wanted to work out what was bugging me that made me so unhappy at that weight. I did resent how much better men treat you when you're skinny. In the last few months, the number of friends of friends in the music industry or media who now talk to me at clubs saying 'who are you and why haven't I seen you before?' When 2 years ago I was the life and soul of the very same club has made me raise questions not so much about the shallowness of others, but the lack of confidence and self esteem I had back then.

    I went for a major meeting with a serious media company on Thursday and a year ago I would never have had the chutspah to say what I did, or wear what I did! I probably wouldn't have ever got through the door.

    I don;t care about the designer clothes or the being able to wear boots

    What I care about is even with a few pounds over my 'healthy' weight, I feel confident, I can go into Mexx and pick a dress of the rack and know it will fit me, I can walk up Primrose Hill without stopping or being out of breath (I do it every New Year and this is the first year ever that I haven't had to stop before the last steep bit) - I can beat a bus over 200 yards IN HEELS. 2008 is starting in a great place for me - I'm writing and starring in a comedy show on the London circuit in a month's time, I'm working on my first ever psychology experiement and analysis, work is great and really supportive of the stuff I do outside work - and the new business I am starting up with a friend already has some great leads.

    I will never abstain again. I am doing some RTM style eating over the next few weeks, just to reset myself for the next few months.

    But I will reach my 34th birthday 6 sizes smaller...I've actually alienatied some of my friends a teensy bit because for my birthday I have organised a Karaoke night (you should hear my Hazel O'Connor!) instead of letting us all just go to a pub and drink. I am bored of that way of doing things - if I'm socialising these days I want to have fun and entertainment, not drink and forget about half the things people say!

    A happy new 2008 to all of you - and for those of you beginning abstinence or cracking your 2nd week of it, keep going - there's so much more to it than weight!
     
    bexnkev and Blonde Logic like this.
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  3. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Hi Sarah!

    Nice to 'meet you'! Have heard some good things about your blog and have had a week peek myself!

    What a lovely post, and you sound like you have come miles on you LL journey to a successful place. Nice to hear that!! Gives us newbies hope.

    I really liked what you said about the shallowness of people - I imagine you really see some in new light after this!

    Well. I just wanted to say hi and well done!!!
     
  4. Musical Missy

    Musical Missy Full Member

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    Hey Sarah

    Nice to hear how you're getting on - you sound really happy and lets face it - thats the most important thing, far more important than weight loss. You were my inspiration (and I rarely say that about people!) when I first started LL last July and you answered loads of my questions I had at the start. Even back then I never imagined (despite your success) I would ever get to the point I'm at now where I've lost 85lb and wearing size 12's and 14's and I'm still continuing to lose (even though I swapped over to the dark side that is Cambridge!).
    Make sure you give us updates every now and then to let us know how you're going - its so nice to hear about old LL'ers, there's not too many of us on Minimins anymore!

    MM x

    PS: I still miss reading your blog every week
     
  5. Dancing

    Dancing Gold Member

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    good to hear from you and you sound in a good space. Brilliant you worked through all the sludge to come out happy the other side. Good luck with all your endeavours!!!
     
  6. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

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    All I can say is that a song was written for you called.

    "YOU RAISE ME UP SO I CAN CLIMB ON MOUTAINS"

    Thank you for your lovely post.
     
  7. Tange

    Tange Silver Member

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    Hi Sarah,
    Wow!!!!!!
    And thank you. I feel so capable now. You sound so completely in control of yourself and your life I thinks its awesome.
    Tan
     
  8. sun

    sun Gold Member

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    Sarah, I've replied on your other thread posted earlier

    mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  9. bexnkev

    bexnkev Silver Member

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    Hi Sarah,
    It's great to read your post and hear how happy you are. For us that are only a little way into our journey, being smaller and happy holds alot of fear and uncertainty x your post is honest but reassuring so thank you and good luck with all you do :D
     
  10. Cerulean

    Cerulean Gold Member

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  11. scotwannabethin

    scotwannabethin Back to the grindstone!!

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    Gosh, I was thinking about you the other day and how I hadn't see you post for a while!! 3 Months, wow. You sound like you are in a good place and I guess that is what we are all wishing for from this.
    Your posts and blog helped me out so much when I was at the start of this journey and it is very good to hear from you and see that you are in a great place.
    PS the scone sounds wonderful!!!!!!
     
  12. SafcGirl31

    SafcGirl31 Full Member

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    Cerulean,
    Lovely to hear you're doing well. Always read your wonderful posts when I started abstaining last year. Haven't been as successful as you but haven't gained much weight since stopping LL (short of goal) in Sept and know I won't ever go back to my heaviest weight again, would like to get to a healthy BMI though so I'm going back to LL tonight!!! Was really cautious about abstaining again as its not the kindest thing to do to your body but its reassuring to know that a normal eating life is possible at the end (including having food in your flat!) I think doing RTM and giving my all to analysing my behaviour will be helpful. Are you still thinking about writing a book about your journey? You're so right when you say that knowing what else you want in life other than being skinny is so important in holding a healthy weight. And I think LL gives you most of the tools to get there if you give your all to the process and stick with the programme. Good luck to everyone starting out on LL or CD and again Sarah its great to hear your news.
     
  13. minilady

    minilady Gold Member

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    Hi Sarah

    How lovely to hear how you're getting on:):):) I'm so pleased for you, you've turned it all around. I remember how worried and low you felt when first reaching goal and the first month of maintenance. It's great to hear that things have settled into place and you're happy and healthy:D

    Birthday wishes coming your way:):):):):)

    Keep in touch.

    Tracey
    x
     
  14. Frejja

    Frejja Silver Member

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    Hi Cerulean, Good to hear you are going strong! Just wanted to say I think you look fab in the black and white dress pic! Slim but very healthy which is the best look of all!
     
  15. Peridot

    Peridot Peridot

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    Welcome back - and what a lovely catch up post. Really glad that things are working out so well for you. Keep in touch...
     
  16. MandyB2

    MandyB2 Moderator/CD Counsellor

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    It's good to see you back and fantastic to hear you're happy:)

    xxxxxx:)
     
  17. Cerulean

    Cerulean Gold Member

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    Hello everyone - thank you all for the lovely comments. It's nice to be popping in and out again to see what people are up to and all of the new people....

    I joined LA Fitness this week - they have no joining fee and group membership (so I can use any club) for 20 quid less a month than my old gym so, I'm happy! We're off to try the one near Kentish Town this afternoon. I've been to the gym twice this week already - and this'll be the third time. I've eaten relatively sensibly this week and made a delicious salad out of just some leaves and some M&S lime and coriander chicken heated up in the microwave at work - so I'm experimenting with new ways to avoid stuffing my face with sandwiches.

    I went out clubbing last night and had a whale of a time - I was trying to get everyone to do the Can Can to Shine by Take That. Very funny!


    I'll start updating the blog with my new habits...I bumped into someone at my gym last night who came up to me and asked if I went to my old school (120 miles away mind you) and I realised who he was, 15 years older than the last time I saw him! Very very bizzare...and I was annoyed that I was in my scraggy gym clothes and a stone overweight but then at least he wasn't meeting me this time last year at 7 stone overweight!

    Anyway - must pack me cossie and get my arse down the gym.
     
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