Sarah's story!

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Cerulean, 19 January 2008.

  1. Cerulean

    Cerulean Well-Known Member


    Hello everyone.

    It's been a good 3 months since you last heard much from me. In fact, my last post would have been round about the time I started the reading for my Psychology conversion course.

    It's been hard work. Work gave me a huge bonus at Christmas. Enough to clear off my worst debt and with enough money for treats like a PC (I already had a Macbook, but unfortunately the statistics software I need to use for my degree meant I needed to splash out!) and some sexy boots and a trenchcoat.

    I am a size 14 I think - in the classic sense, but this is mainly because of my boobs (they came back. Strangely though, I am still the same bra size as I was in July (hmmm!), but a 32 back is a bit tight, but a 34 floats around - so I guess I'm now a 33 E - shame that size doesn't actually exist :)

    The oddest thing has been realising what it feels like to be NORMAL. I was skinny in the summer. Now I feel like an ordinary person, healthy, fit - I've calmed down on all of my bingeing behaviour - I have had chocolates open in the house since Tuesday and they are so rich that I keep thinking - 'oooh - not for a while yet'. I also have M&S's organic seed and nut bars (a tasty replacement for my LL Nut Crunches - and far less calories!) in my desk, and since Monday I haven't bothered with them. My trick has been to feel 'stocked up'

    I had my first (warning food talk gets a bit more x rated here on in!) scone with clotted cream and jam in over a year yesterday and a bag of pork scratchings. They were fun to eat, but my little divil didn't make me go back for more. I just thought 'Blimey - I couldn't eat that every day'

    This weekend I'm having a bit of a detox. Work has been so stressful with barely enough time to get a full night's sleep for the last couple of months that I haven't had time to exercise - my main reading time for my course is on the bus so I had to give up the cycling for a while - I do religiously stick to making sure I do at least one big yomp around London a week - even if it's only the walking the 3 miles to the shops in Camden or Angel and back, I do make sure that one thing never slips.

    I was drinking a lot before Christmas, mainly because I had a lot of catching up to do with my friends, and I've realised that - y'know what? The best drink in the world is water.

    I haven't given up drinking, but now I have one or two things I like the sound of every few weeks or so. I accept that at 34 (nearly) I have to kind of look after my body if I want it to get me through the next 50 years!

    LighterLife has changed my life. But I think the important thing is the weight you lose for your health - the weight that lets you let go and feel freer. The skinny thing, the size 10 - well - it's lovely - but when you get there, unless you know what else you wanted, your old habits will start nudging you towards the security of 'just the one more'. I didn't know what I wanted when I got there last summer and although I held on to it for a fair old while, I think I wanted to work out what was bugging me that made me so unhappy at that weight. I did resent how much better men treat you when you're skinny. In the last few months, the number of friends of friends in the music industry or media who now talk to me at clubs saying 'who are you and why haven't I seen you before?' When 2 years ago I was the life and soul of the very same club has made me raise questions not so much about the shallowness of others, but the lack of confidence and self esteem I had back then.

    I went for a major meeting with a serious media company on Thursday and a year ago I would never have had the chutspah to say what I did, or wear what I did! I probably wouldn't have ever got through the door.

    I don;t care about the designer clothes or the being able to wear boots

    What I care about is even with a few pounds over my 'healthy' weight, I feel confident, I can go into Mexx and pick a dress of the rack and know it will fit me, I can walk up Primrose Hill without stopping or being out of breath (I do it every New Year and this is the first year ever that I haven't had to stop before the last steep bit) - I can beat a bus over 200 yards IN HEELS. 2008 is starting in a great place for me - I'm writing and starring in a comedy show on the London circuit in a month's time, I'm working on my first ever psychology experiement and analysis, work is great and really supportive of the stuff I do outside work - and the new business I am starting up with a friend already has some great leads.

    I will never abstain again. I am doing some RTM style eating over the next few weeks, just to reset myself for the next few months.

    But I will reach my 34th birthday 6 sizes smaller...I've actually alienatied some of my friends a teensy bit because for my birthday I have organised a Karaoke night (you should hear my Hazel O'Connor!) instead of letting us all just go to a pub and drink. I am bored of that way of doing things - if I'm socialising these days I want to have fun and entertainment, not drink and forget about half the things people say!

    A happy new 2008 to all of you - and for those of you beginning abstinence or cracking your 2nd week of it, keep going - there's so much more to it than weight!
    Miss Fenella likes this.
  2. Monkey

    Monkey Well-Known Member

    Hi Sarah

    It's great to hear you're doing so well! I've missed your posts on here - I may not have posted much myself, but always followed your RtM threads with great interest and hope to follow your lead!

    You are so right about LL not really being about the weight loss. I thought all my problems would be solved if I just lost lots of weight, but now that I have, I realise this is nonsense. Having said that, abstaining for all those months definitely gave me the chance to see the problems more clearly and work out what I want to do about them!

    I'm on my 2nd week of RtM now so it's still early days for me, but feeling quite positive at the moment and enjoying making myself do things that I'm scared of, rather than hiding away with my food!!

    All the best for 2008 and thank you for being an inspiration to me
  3. sun

    sun Well-Known Member

    SARAH Sarah, hi ya hun, have missed you, as you know it was you who was my inspiration, your diary/blog with honesty kept me hooked here at minimins.

    I am so proud and happy for you, you have turned your life round and just look where you are now, writing and starring in your own comedy show to boot!

    (psst! had any male visitors lately! Lol),

    Thankyou so much, please keep us updated every so often, I really miss you/your posts.

  4. Cerulean

    Cerulean Well-Known Member

    Sun, you cheeky minx! No - he was the first and the last for a while!

    This made me giggle. It's good to be back!
  5. Miss Fenella

    Miss Fenella Well-Known Member

    Sarah - thank you for posting that it was an inspirational read. Well done and happy slim life!
  6. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

    Hi there! Remember me?

    Its great to pop back on to Minis and see that Sarah is still going strong! You sound so well and happy with life, its a real encouragement.

    I am no longer with LL for many reasons, not least of which is financial! I am, however still losing (or trying to lose) weight by means of healthy eating,with the support of Slimming World. I guess that means I will be over on their forum more often than not!

    Any how, if I may I will look in from time to time, to catch up!

    Keep posting Sarah and thanks!
  7. madhatter400

    madhatter400 Well-Known Member

    Sarah thank you so much for coming on here and posting again it truly is so lovely to hear from you as your journey kept me going through my journey! I abstained 100%...if thats how you spell it for 250 days and i am now approaching week 3 of RTM. I am finding the whole allowing myself to eat a bit tough to deal with at the moment, i set restrictions on how much veg/protein etc i should have then find myself going back to my old emotional eating days and eating a whole bag of spinach or the two chicken breasts when i am supposed to have one. Then i criticise myself and get scared i am going to put the 9 stone i lost back on from that 'binge'.....although my rational brain knows it not possible. I think i am in rebellious child mode...i am excited to be tasting these new flavours and i think what my problem has been is setting limits for myself.....'setting myself to fail each time' so i can allow my critical voice to attack me later....and rebelling because i am not quite ready to 'deal' with or accept that i won't put back all the weight i've lost by eating again. So it's like i am testing myself to see if when i step on the scales i will put weight on....which will freak me out and allow my critical voice to go into overload and scare me out of rebelling's like i am setting myself up to fail each time!!! Anyway did not mean for this to turn into a confessional just started typing away.....a lot on my mind know i will be fine because i recognise my behaviour which before i did not when i emotionally overate and i am good and putting a lot of pressure on myself so i need to remember this is a journey, i can't be perfect all the time and take each day as it comes, half my battle was that i was able to abstain 100% and be in i am fighting to regain control now food is back in my life.

    It truly is so much more than weight!!

    Mad x

Share This Page

This site uses cookies and its third-party providers also uses cookies. By using this site you agree to this notice and understand why we have cookies.