Once upon a time I was a small girl.... you are too thin! eat more pastry! put some meat on yer bones! they said..... So I did. Oh how I regret the day I fell in love with eating.
I went from a size 8 - 10 in 1998 to a size 18 -20 by 2008. I've spent the last 2years losing 3 1/2 stone only to regain it How did I end up here I asked myself shaking my head in disappointment?
1. I met my husband and settled down (sound familiar?)
2. We enjoyed each other's company and shared meals, eating out and cooking together (sound familiar?)
3. Money wasn't such a problem as it had been in my pre-husband life..so hey why not buy lots of luxurious tasty rich foods to indulge in and share... I deserved it!
4. I discovered a taste for alcohol.... mmmm that nice tipsy giggly feeling losing inhibitions, relaxing, ooohhh yeeaah. Never mind the calories and the nibbles to go with it...
5. My career began to advance bringing added pressure... oohh how the food made me feel nice when I was out of my comfort zone.
6. Busy busy busy... eat on the run, grab high fat greasy food and eat without noticing.
7. Clothes are feeling tight better start dieting........ And there my unhealthy relationship with emotional eating began without even noticing.
I have recently realised my problem with food runs very deep and I have spoken with my GP about my obsessional thoughts and behaviour around food. She has prescribed me medication for OCD to calm my obsessional overeating. Also, I have started seeing a hypnotherapist fortnightly to work towards making permanent changes to the habits I have developed that have brought me to where I am now..... which are feelings of desperation and shame. I cannot continue with every waking thought being about food. I am spending this weekend making a masterplan in my mind to end this forever. I hope that some of you will join me in my Secret diary of a small girl.. to be as I travel on this final journey. I can't always write every day but I plan to update my diary as much as possible... feel free to add any comments or thoughts along the way.
I went from a size 8 - 10 in 1998 to a size 18 -20 by 2008. I've spent the last 2years losing 3 1/2 stone only to regain it How did I end up here I asked myself shaking my head in disappointment?
1. I met my husband and settled down (sound familiar?)
2. We enjoyed each other's company and shared meals, eating out and cooking together (sound familiar?)
3. Money wasn't such a problem as it had been in my pre-husband life..so hey why not buy lots of luxurious tasty rich foods to indulge in and share... I deserved it!
4. I discovered a taste for alcohol.... mmmm that nice tipsy giggly feeling losing inhibitions, relaxing, ooohhh yeeaah. Never mind the calories and the nibbles to go with it...
5. My career began to advance bringing added pressure... oohh how the food made me feel nice when I was out of my comfort zone.
6. Busy busy busy... eat on the run, grab high fat greasy food and eat without noticing.
7. Clothes are feeling tight better start dieting........ And there my unhealthy relationship with emotional eating began without even noticing.
I have recently realised my problem with food runs very deep and I have spoken with my GP about my obsessional thoughts and behaviour around food. She has prescribed me medication for OCD to calm my obsessional overeating. Also, I have started seeing a hypnotherapist fortnightly to work towards making permanent changes to the habits I have developed that have brought me to where I am now..... which are feelings of desperation and shame. I cannot continue with every waking thought being about food. I am spending this weekend making a masterplan in my mind to end this forever. I hope that some of you will join me in my Secret diary of a small girl.. to be as I travel on this final journey. I can't always write every day but I plan to update my diary as much as possible... feel free to add any comments or thoughts along the way.