Self-sabotage, why???

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Returners' started by whatsnewpussycat, 14 February 2008 Social URL.

  1. whatsnewpussycat

    whatsnewpussycat Full Member

    Lighter Life
    Hello all. I've just been catching up on the LL forum as I havent been on at all since last November!! It feels like coming home :)

    My story isn't unusual - I joined LL last June weighing 15'11, worked my way through Foundation and Development without so much as a sniff of a lapse and made it to goal (10'0) in November 07. Yippee.:) I spent a fortune on a new wardrobe, threw all my old clothes away and went out partying.

    I managed to maintain my weight (with hitches) until around week 5 when Xmas hit and I went completely off the rails. I didnt just lapse, I lapsed, and relapsed and collapsed (and any other 'apses' you can think of!) until by the middle of January I'd gained 1 stone.

    Now in December, knowing I was not following maintenance as it should be done, I contacted a hypnotherapist as I thought she might be able to help me with my tendency to overeat and binge on starch carbs. By the end of January I'd gained another stone! Not quite the result I'd hoped for :confused:

    3 weeks ago I contacted a CBT counsellor (she was recommended to me), and last week we started working on thought records. So far she hasnt helped me, but I guess its just the beginning of our journey. I'm hoping for great insights into my psyche (that shouldnt take long then! :D)

    This Monday (ie 4 days ago), thoroughly depressed as I've now gained 2.5 stone in less than 3 months (some achievement!), I went back to see my LL counsellor and have started back on packs. And you guys are right - 2nd time around is HARD!

    First time around I had no problems at all, but this time I'm finding it so difficult. Monday was fine-ish. I was hungry, and had cravings, but I talked myself out of eating 'real' food. So you'd think on Tuesday I'd have more confidence but nooo; by 3pm I'd talked myself into going to the supermarket while the OH was out, buying cakes, biscuits, bread, chocolate, and then I ate the lot within an hour. What is with this self-sabotage? Why do we do it? I've been trying to do thought records, but I have no idea what the thought is before I stuff my face with food. Does anyone else have this problem? A blank mind staring at a full fridge wondering why you're doing it?

    Anyhow, yesterday I managed abstinence and today so far I've managed it. But its very disappointing when you go for your dropin only to find you're still not burning fat (not that I'd be expecting to after my gorging on Tuesday!)

    So I shall keep reading your words of wisdom and encouragement, and hopefully we can get through this 'returning' business together.

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  3. KD

    KD Gone fishing

    Was Cambridge, now maintaining
    Perhaps because you aren't as desperate as you were the first time around.

    Perhaps deep down, you'r ethinking that you did it before, so you can do it problem....just not today ;)

    Yey!!:clap: and tomorrow you can do it too!! and the next day, because this is what you really want, yes??
  4. whatsnewpussycat

    whatsnewpussycat Full Member

    Lighter Life
    Thank you KD :) you're so right. I'm not in the same place as I was the first time I started LL.

    And I DO really really want to be slim again. I LIKED being slim - it was the first time ever. And LL was the one diet that helped me get there.

    So although I've gained some weight, I can lose it again. I'm still in 'management' phase - I'm still learning to manage the lapses. This was a big lapse (!) but I've learnt from it and I've moving towards my final goal of losing weight, and maintaining that weight loss for life.

    Thank you.
  5. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

    Slimming World
    Go for it pussycat you can do it. Coming back must be difficult especially when you read about all the firsties on the threads doing really well.

    I can understand how hard it is as I have a blip and is so hard to get back on and I am doing it for the first time. However, I found that since I have been owning up to it and coming on here asking for help it have been able to get back on track.

    Do come on and ask for help we are all here for you. YOU CAN DO THIS.

    Good luck

    luv your name by the way.
  6. whatsnewpussycat

    whatsnewpussycat Full Member

    Lighter Life
    Thanks Ladylite.

    You're right about this forum - you get so much help and support. It really helped me first time round as well.

    Keep up the good work - you're doing fantastically well.

    I yes, I CAN do this. I'm READY to do this. And I WANT to do this.

    Roll on ketosis ...:)

  7. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

    Slimming World

    Good on you pussycat - go for it:)
  8. naettjohnson

    naettjohnson Member

    Lighter life
    I know what you are goinf through...

    I read your post and totally recognise myself in all you said.
    Sadly, I don't have the answer to that self sabotage...
    I have been on the program since october and after christmas went on mode self destruction, only 1 stone away from my goal. Since January I have gained 1 more and now I'm 2 stone away from my goal.
    I have not eaten since monday evening, and I went back to all these phases we had at the beginning (eg: headaches, hunger, tiredness).
    what keeps me going so far (it's only been 4 days) is to know that every step back takes me further away from my achievement and every day passed without eating brings me closer.
    I guess that what I want to say is just take it one day at a time.
    You'll get through it might just take some more time, but keep the faith...

  9. kimmer

    kimmer Member

    Hi Naett and other second-timers,

    I had to take a big look at self-sabotage too, with the help of a therapist. It turns out that I was becoming uncomfortable in my new body (as much as I thought I liked it), nervous by the changes I was making, and intimidated by having less 'personal space'. I also think I succumbed to guilt I was feeling, that other members of my family have been having heartbreaking struggles with their weight for years and instead of being miserable with them, I was thin. I felt like I had abandoned them in my own private lifeboat.

    The reasons we don't get to our goals are as complicated as the reasons we overeat in the first place - but weirdly it makes it easier to know what they are when we tackle the weight again. My first week was rough, but now I'm a month in and I'm back in my old groove and prepared for what's coming. I hope you're doing well - it does get much, MUCH easier.

  10. whatsnewpussycat

    whatsnewpussycat Full Member

    Lighter Life
    Kimmer, Naett

    I'm with you on this one - I have to take 1 day at a time and keep focussing on the end goal. Last week I only managed to stick to packs 3 days out of 7 :sigh: The other days I was totally out of control. There are parts of the day when I'm totally strong and can stay focussed and motivated to stick to plan, and other days where just the smallest whiff of bread has me troughing.

    Yesterday however I gave myself a good talking to - the "I can't stop myself eating" attitude has to stop. Of course I can stop myself eating - the only way I would not be able to stop is if someone had my hands tied behind my back and was forcing the food down my throat. And i need to be kinder to myself than that!

    So every time I think "I can't", I'm going to tell myself I can and that this is my choice. I can choose to eat the bread and take myself further away from my ultimate goal, or I can choose not to eat the bread and get closer to my goal. My choice.

    Yesterday was day 1, today will be day 2 and before I know it I'll be into ketosis and not struggling so much (and I'll be able to have peanut bars again! :D)

  11. Dancing

    Dancing Gold Member

    you still getting the cbt counselling? If so, how is it going?
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