Skulldilocks' Slimming World Diary Part II

[asmallertasha]

I'm not back at all, it didn't happen
I can't stop the bingeing. I can see the weigh crawling on and making clothes look different. I really don't want to go to group tomorrow.
This morning I had the confirmation of how bad it had got. I got out of a car in the car park and very carefully opened the door but tapped the car next to me while getting out. It was a tight squeeze and the man in the van next to be lost his **** and started intimidating me, despite the fact all I did was apologise. It was horrible and I burst into tears. If I wasn't such a fat ***** it wouldn't have happened.
I'm really stuck and I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel

You can do this! None of us would have imagined where we are now when we started but you really just have to commit yourself to it as best you can! You do need to make sacrifices but they are so freaking worth it. I adore naughty things as much as the next person but none of the boldness will ever taste as good as when I look back on old pictures of myself and know that I will never be that person again. You don't need something to click although that does help you just have to say, hey I can do this and work hard at it until it becomes easy which it will like everything does when you really want it and stick to it. I promise you can do it!

And I'm sorry that man was so horrible and made you feel like that, nobody has the right to treat someone like that. Your post really made my heart sad

 

[OpalLilyEats]

Everything Tasha has said!

Maybe have a nice long chat with Kieran about what you keep in the house or what triggers you to go and get naughty foods. Maybe also a chat with your C re some strategies?! I guess you need to try and figure out what your danger zones are and try and put a plan in place to counteract them.

You keep a diary on here too for a reason... I'd look back over this diary and your old one to see how you felt over various stages of your journey (both good and bad) and see if that can give you some inspiration.

As for that total bloody a**hole... he can go and a take a long walk off a short plank. There was absolutely no need for that kind of behaviour and it was no reflection on you. He would have done it with whoever else had got in his way!

Sending you lots of love xxxxxxx

 

[Rochelle1]

You can do this! None of us would have imagined where we are now when we started but you really just have to commit yourself to it as best you can! You do need to make sacrifices but they are so freaking worth it. I adore naughty things as much as the next person but none of the boldness will ever taste as good as when I look back on old pictures of myself and know that I will never be that person again. You don't need something to click although that does help you just have to say, hey I can do this and work hard at it until it becomes easy which it will like everything does when you really want it and stick to it. I promise you can do it!

And I'm sorry that man was so horrible and made you feel like that, nobody has the right to treat someone like that. Your post really made my heart sad

Everything Tasha has said!

Maybe have a nice long chat with Kieran about what you keep in the house or what triggers you to go and get naughty foods. Maybe also a chat with your C re some strategies?! I guess you need to try and figure out what your danger zones are and try and put a plan in place to counteract them.

You keep a diary on here too for a reason... I'd look back over this diary and your old one to see how you felt over various stages of your journey (both good and bad) and see if that can give you some inspiration.

As for that total bloody a**hole... he can go and a take a long walk off a short plank. There was absolutely no need for that kind of behaviour and it was no reflection on you. He would have done it with whoever else had got in his way!

Sending you lots of love xxxxxxx

What the girls said!

You can do it and only you can stop yourself from bingeing. I would definitely do what Lily said and have a chat with Kieran about what food you have, it doesn't help to have lots of goodies in the house when you're in binge mode! I know exactly what that's like for sure! Can't wait to move out in the next couple weeks cos I know Chris doesn't really eat sweets and stuff, so it would literally be my fault only if I allow food in my house to binge on! so remove all temptation is the way to go for you I think.

You do so well when you're on it though Lily! It's such a shame you're feeling like this now xx

 

[asmallertasha]

Your dinner looked incredz last night on IG! Let me know if you need anything xx

 

[Skulldilocks]

Thanks for the care and support guys. I was so humiliated and I've been here so many times I didn't want to go on again. As awful as it was, that mean man yesterday seems to have scared me into sorting myself out a bit. I know its awful and negative but it made me realise how much I truly hate the way I look right now. Things are starting to get tight or uncomfortable again, I'm hiding under baggy clothes and suffering with awful skin from the lack of goodness. I know its awful to think so badly of yourself but sometimes for me its the only way to get back in it - to bully myself.

As Tasha mentioned, I made a lovely meal of steak, spuds and stuffed cheesy mushrooms with a synfree peppercorn sauce and it was thoroughly enjoyed by us both. That's the first time I've cooked a proper meal in a couple of weeks. After getting that flu, I got lazy and lost interest in cooking and preparing food. So it was good to remind myself that you can eat yummy meals that only take half an hour!
Unfortunately I cannot blame Kieran for this at all. In fact, I'm more likely to be on plan when he's around. He hasn't been around or I've been away with work and instead of cooking a meal for myself, I've been getting takeaways, ready meals. Seriously my laziness has been disgusting. I've broken my alcohol free lent too.

I'm currently munching on half a pineapple as we speak. I think this is the first piece of fruit I've had in the past two weeks. Its nice to have it again. I think I'm going to go to group tonight, get the stats and leave after I do the shop. I don't want sympathy from the group but I don't want a tough time from my consultant either. I'd rather go straight home, cook up some bits and plan ahead ready for a massive loss next week.

Wednesday EE Day:

Breakfast:
Alpen light(3)

Lunch:
Chicken Mugshot
Pineapple (S)

Dinner:
2x Quorn burgers (1) in wholemeal bap (HEXB) with cheese (HEX A) and jalapenos (S)
Flat mushroom (S) stuffed with light Philadelphia (2), salad (S)
Ketchup (0.5), Burger sauce (1.5)

Total syns: 8

 

[Princess_Stevie]

Nothing I can say will make you feel any better. But I just wanted to say that I think you're doing a brave thing going to group tonight and finding out the consequences of your actions. That way you can draw a line under it and start again. It doesn't matter how many times you have to start over, Lily. The only time you will "fail" is that time when you give up and decide to no longer keep trying again.

Big hugs xx

 

[vanitydoll]

Subscribed hun... new start for you and me also ...btw I absolutely thumbup:
Love love love your name 'skulldilocks' ace xxx
♥ Curse Of The Curves ♥
Wife to 'BamBam' 30/01/2010
Mummy to Baylie Emma 18/05/2012
♥ Goal : Loose TWO stone ♥

 

[Skulldilocks]

Subscribed hun... new start for you and me also ...btw I absolutely thumbup:
Love love love your name 'skulldilocks' ace xxx
♥ Curse Of The Curves ♥
Wife to 'BamBam' 30/01/2010
Mummy to Baylie Emma 18/05/2012
♥ Goal : Loose TWO stone ♥

Thank you! xxx

 

[vanitydoll]

Haha I just had pineapple too lol ...were twins


♥ Curse Of The Curves ♥
Wife to 'BamBam' 30/01/2010
Mummy to Baylie Emma 18/05/2012
♥ Goal : Loose TWO stone ♥

 

[asmallertasha]

I think that is a perfect plan if that's what you need to do! Prep for the week ahead is definitely going to be much more useful that the sympathy/tough love that you just don't want to hear! It's amazing how delicious food helps you get your act together slightly! Like what we can eat on plan is amazing! Wise words from Stevie there too! Don't bully yourself too much though please and do try to keep up the positivity that is there in that last post! xx

 

[Rochelle1]

Aww, your consultant shouldn't give you a hard time? I agree with the sympathy though, sometimes that makes ya more upset!


your steak did look gorgeous last night. I think it's a good idea going home and planning your week ahead. Xx

 

[Skulldilocks]

The gain was revolting. I genuinely still feel sick thinking about it. I came home as planned. I know my consultant wouldnt give me a hard time at all, she's amazing but we've been through it together so many times and she's tried every approach with me so I just didnt wanna go through it all again. She'll probably look at the results and text or ring me about it. I physically cannot write down the number gained over the last two weeks but will updated my stats to a new starting weight and depending on what you remember you'll know how bad it is! ha. Hopefully will be back tomorrow with an on plan day

 

[vanitydoll]

Keep smiling hun... were all in this together xx

♥ Curse Of The Curves ♥
Wife to 'BamBam' 30/01/2010
Mummy to Baylie Emma 18/05/2012
♥ Goal : Loose TWO stone ♥

 

[Princess_Stevie]

We've all been there!! I remember when I put 10lb on over about two weeks at Christmas. I was absolutely disgusted with myself but it was the kick up the backside I needed to get back on plan and since then I've managed to stick to plan every week bar one. So if I can do it then you can too!

We are all behind you on this Lily. Don't think that any of us think any less of you, you are only human the same as us lot. And as we all know the slimming journey is not an easy or straightforward one. But one positive thing already is that you are still here and you are ready to draw that line and keep trying.

Never give up xx

 

[Skulldilocks]

Thanks guys. It really hit home last night because a woman that was there back when I started SW rejoined after like 6 months of absence. She was like wow, good on you for still being here but technically I'm the same weight now as I was back when I started and she was there. It made me realise how much unnecessary shame, pain and guilt I've put myself through and also how much money I've spent! I don't care how much I lose next week, all I care is that I have two losses in a row. I'm sick of the yoyo and how spiky my progress graph is!

Another recipe from the Extra Easy Express book today. I know that I'm going to get hungry easily today because of how many calories I've been consuming lately so a big lunch of free food to stop hunger become a binge!

Thursday EE Day:

Breakfast:
2x wholemeal toast (HEX B) topped with reduced sugar jam (1.5)
Half a pineapple (S)
2x tea with skimmed milk (1) and sweetener

Lunch:
Jacket potato with cheese (HEX A) and beans (SS)
Apple (S)
Mullerlight vanilla yoghurt
Walkers pops (4)
5 squares of Galaxy (5)

Dinner:
Curried pork chop with cous cous and roasted mushrooms (S), onions (S) and peppers (S)
Mullerlight greek mango yoghurt (0.5) and banana

Total syns: 12

 

[vanitydoll]

Im definitely copying your meal plan for today! Sounds delicious xx

♥ Curse Of The Curves ♥
Wife to 'BamBam' 30/01/2010
Mummy to Baylie Emma 18/05/2012
♥ Goal : Loose TWO stone ♥

 

[Skulldilocks]

First day - 100%
Feel better already. No sicky feeling from overeating. Dinner last night was lovely and I'm glad I have leftovers for lunch! Already facing a challenge tonight as we're going out. I really don't want to fall off the wagon so no one is staying at ours after. They always order Dominos! lol. Going to have dinner before I head out and doing it while the others are out pre drinking. This way I'll only be drinking at the bar. I'll take out £20 no more, and get what I can for that and that'll deduct syns too. Hopefully I can have some willpower!

Friday EE day:

Breakfast:
35g Overnight oats (HEX B) with toffee muller and banana
3x tea with milk (HEX A) and sweetener

Lunch:
Curried pork chop with cous cous and roasted mushrooms (S), onions (S), peppers (S)
Apple (S)
Mullerlight vanilla
Walkers pops (4)

Dinner:
Diet coke chicken - chicken (S), chopped toms (S), puree (S), mushrooms (S), onions (S), peppers (S)
Side of Broccoli (S)

Other:
6x vodka diet cokes (15)

Total syns: 19

 

[asmallertasha]

Last nights dinner sounds yum! Do you have it cold for lunch or heat it up? You seem to have a good plan in place already to not self sabotage! Proud of you! Maybe even have some carbs with dinner to fill you right up! I love the only bringing so much money with you too! I did that last weekend and left my cards at home! It works! Then I came home and had some syn free pasta before KOing! xx

 

[Princess_Stevie]

Have fun tonight hun and don't beat yourself up if things don't go exactly to plan. You're only human xx

 

[Skulldilocks]

Last nights dinner sounds yum! Do you have it cold for lunch or heat it up? You seem to have a good plan in place already to not self sabotage! Proud of you! Maybe even have some carbs with dinner to fill you right up! I love the only bringing so much money with you too! I did that last weekend and left my cards at home! It works! Then I came home and had some syn free pasta before KOing! xx

Oh man I wish I could heat it up but we don't have a microwave. I've put it in the suggestion box like a million times but to no avail! haha. It was still nice cold though. would be ideal if we had a microwave though so I could live off of jacket potatoes!

I'm going to hold back on the carbs tonight and then if I am peckish when I'm home I've got some low fat supernoodles for a nibble! x