slimmerbridezilla's diary

[slimmer bridezilla]

Hi all
Thought I'd start a diary to keep me motivated and allow for venting/self reflection/motivation -and to stop me gatecrashing other threads with my thoughts (must be very tiresome). Apologies in advance for the stream of consciousness.

A potted history - struggled with my weight all of my adult life and yo yo'd a lot- there are no inbetweens for me I'm all good or all bad and need to achieve balance- most recently lost 3 stone in the run up to my wedding (hence the pen name) doing CD - went from around 17 (size 22 ) stone to under 14 - (around a size 16/18).

Since then had a baby who unfortunately did not weigh 3 stone and therefore was back up to around 17 stone post delivery- for a year sat on the sofa breastfeeding and eating dairy milk -eek - ended up over 18 stone-very unhappy about that - want to be fit, healthy, attractive and have healthier relationship with food - be lovely to get into those clothes again I bought in run up to wedding and before I became the milking machine- and feel good about myself - do not want to be fat mummy at school gates etc etc etc

So started Exante - but have been playing at it a bit - hoping this will keep me more on the straight and narrow - I started off at 18 stone and am just into the 16's.(16.13 ish)

What I need to remember is that if I stop messing about I could be 13 stone something by Christmas (even if it's 13.13 and 3/4's - psychologically it really helps me to be in the next bracket down)

YES BY CHRISTMAS - SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR ???

I know that at that weight I am still according to the BMI overweight for my height but I would genuinely be quite happy to get to what I feel is a healthy weight for me and a sustainable one - it makes me about a size 16 - oh to shop in normal shops again - ah a dream.

I can always reassess once I'm there.

Can I just repeat to myself this is achievable by Christmas - so please Mrs stop putting your life on hold and get this sorted- it's such a short period of time in your life - and you know how good you would feel if you did this and sustained it this time.

So off we go again -but as someone else posted pleeeeeeeease let this be the last time

 

[Berryred]

Good luck on your journey hun my dd is now 6 and I still not reached the weight I was when fell pg lol! Contented is how someone described me you can do it, seems lovely and friendly here on Exante boards looking forward being with you here on your journey

 

[nofattybride]

hello from a fellow bride to be ! ive got just under 3 months till wedding and 2 1/2 stone to go im on day 2 any amazingly havent felt bad so far just hope it continues that way good luck

 

[FattyMcBigbum]

Loved your first post, and looking forward to keeping up with how you're doing xx

 

[slimmer bridezilla]

Thanks for the support girls - but have had 2 days of eating which has wiped out last weeks 3lb loss - getting back on track today- with a bit of luck I'll stay the same or lose a small amount this week if I can get back on it and not let the 2 days turn into a fortnight like last time - I'm not beating myself up too much as although I feel like a bit of a idiot/fraud as long as I'm losing overall albeit slower than those saints who manage to be 100% all the time (in awe of) and in a more 2 steps forward 2 steps back kind of way - at least I'm not getting bigger which I know if I didn't change something I would have been. I've also noticed when I'm not posting/reading posts I'm invariably off track and conversely when I'm on line and reading a lot I'm going well - all a bit chicken and egg but there is definitely a link - when I'm not here there is a risk I'm tucking into (whisper) choccie (shush) so lesson learnt need to keep coming on here lots for the motivation and keep busy ( had major sort out of wardrobe and realised what nice stuff I've got to slim into - that day was 100% unsuprising really).

I have bought a a nice wrap dress in the Debenhams sale to motivate me (size 18) - looks horrendous at the moment !

Have a tricky event Saturday in a wedding - I'm going to enjoy myself in moderation - funnily enough think that may have been what led to my lapse - I've got a maxi dress to wear that's very flattering and because I felt better about self for losing a bit - and having a nice outfit I seemed to lose my mojo - durrrrrrrrrrr - need to remember dress is a size 20 and stretchy !!!! and hides a multitude of sins !!! Would not feel the same about swimming cossie (eek)

Have another wedding in another month and then Christmas as future goals/milestones - could look and feel so much better if I can be more disciplined.....

and when/ if we have another baby I do not want to start a pregnancy at his weight or God knows where I'll end up....... (possibly on the Jerry Springer show being cut out of my house by the fire brigade)

So talking to over - actions speak louder than words ............


Hope you're all doing better than me currently

 

[FattyMcBigbum]

Welcome back on board hun xx

I couldn't agree more about coming on here distracting from food and being very motivating, it's a life saver IMHO.

 

[slimmer bridezilla]

I've been bad (again) won't bore you with the details - but gained about half a stone it seems - getting back on it today - esp when I saw the Christmas challenge read 11 weeks to Christmas !!! My ticker is up and down like I don't know what !!! My all or nothing mentality really needs to change or I'll be doing this forever !!!

 

[slimmer bridezilla]

New start today - I have been messing about and my ticker is up and down like I don't know what - through my mistakes however I think I've learnt quite a lot about why I do it and why it doesn't work! (over eat that is) SO I am thinking (excuse the pun) bite sized pieces - It's 10 weeks to Christmas and this morning I weighed 17.7 stones - having seen the amazing progress of most of you bods on here I am going to aim high and try and get around 3 stone off by Christmas (hey if I'm 2 stone lighter I won't be complaining) - so no more excuses - here is to a fresh start and day 1 - thai chicken soup anyone?

 

[JoanneM]

Good luck with it.

 

[slimmer bridezilla]

Well I've not got back on track :sigh: but I've not gained it all back so am still just over a stone lighter than my heaviest even though if I was more committed I'd have lost loads by now :sigh: I've been lurking lots and reading your diaries for inspiration and realised it's now only a couple of months to Xmas -and i could easily get another couple of stone off if set my mind to it - so heres to yet another restart - although I need to change that mentality of all or nothing to be honest if I'm going to be successful and if I choose to eat in a planned way or even blip in a bigger way just get back on it - I feel I have every motivation to do it as we would like to try for another baby next year and I don't want to start a pregnancy where I am now- and I'd still love to get into the clothes I bought in the run up to my wedding and before baby number 1 - I really need to remember when I feel myself weakening why I am doing this - it's not just about me how I look and feel - I have a responsibility to be as fit and healthy a mum as I can be and hopefully to also demonstrate a healthy relationship with food - so here we go - hopefully I can start to make some real progress with the help of my mates on minimims

Just re read my last diary entry and realised I was back up at that stage to17.7 -17.2 today so maybe I'm not quite so bad after - think I'm just a bit of a snail because of my on it /off it mentality but will hopefully get there in the end - just need to be on it more than off it

 

[JoanneM]

Good luck with the restart. Once your head is in it you wont struggle as much and then the weight will fall off.

 

[slimmer bridezilla]

Thanks Joanne - you've done amazingly - had a peek at your photos -really inspired me - such a difference x

 

[slimmer bridezilla]

millionth restart

New Plan
- been on and off the programme like an idiot (going through getting into ketosis that often is sooooooooo not fun) although I've managed to maintain initial losses of just over a stone- really annoyed with myself for messing about - woulda coulda shoulda - however where I could have been by now is not helping me one iota -so I'm here to record my new plan

I have around 40 days of packs left - so up till Xmas and between Xmas and New Year is sorted - I started yesterday and don't feel too bad - that should see me make a good start

After Xmas and for a variety of reasons (like I've struggled this time with TFR and we may try for another baby next year and I'd worry if I'd been doing an extreme diet and because I need to find some balance /sustainable for the future for family life) I think I'll join WW (wobble watchers) My mum's been having great success and I think it may help me in the longer term to stop the starve/binge mentality.

So that's the plan ....... hopefully If I can use up my packs till Xmas I won't have wasted money and I'll have made a good start .....

 

[slimmer bridezilla]

:superwoman:right = I'm doing better - not 100% all the time but a lot better -(it's not like i eat a meal but I nibble ridiculously and once I start....) I've lost the gains from messing about and am now 16.7 - (I was back upto 17.5 at one point of carb fest) - I am feeling particularly virtuous today as DH had dirty filthy pizza for tea and I went upstairs out of the way to bath baby and then had my shake (I nearly wobbled mind) so back on track really.

Plan is to continue as much as possible until planned party on the 18th (2 weeks) when I'll have the night off - but try and be restrained as it were- If I stick to it I'm hoping to have another half a stone off and look good in my red wrap dress (without the need for the Gok Wang underwear) - I'd love to be into the 15's by Christmas and that's not too unrealistic if I set my mind to it - and then getting back under 14 stone -(weight I got to at last 2 attempts and pre baby) doesn't seem a million miles away anymore and I'll fit into my size 16/18 clothes. Fingers Crossed.

So to anyone that struggles to be 100% what I've learnt this time is not to give up and to not view every break as a failure - sometimes it is my choice to eat and I have to take responsibility for that choice - it means I'm about halfway to where I could /should have been by now - which is a bummer but no use crying over spilt milk - I continue to applaud those who can be 100% for months on end - but I guess at least I haven't given up - and if anyone takes this as encouragement to cheat - they should know I would much rather have been at goal by now - what I would have done without minimims I'll never know :break_diet:

 

[JoanneM]

Well done on the new attitude SB. Keep it up and Im with you all the way. Im so close to the 100s I can almost taste them and am absolutely determined to hit them next week.