SLACK ALICE
Silver Member
Morning all , I dont know whats up with me of late - I seem to have lost my way ..
I just cant be bothered at the minute. I know ive lost 4 and half stone so far , but i just feel that its taking me ages to get here and at the minute i feel like im on a bit of elastic - up and down every week !!
3 weeks of STS and then a gain of 3lb !!
Im getting the munchies a lot more, I start of really good then i go down hill.
Ive got so many worrying things happening at the minute-
council wont fund shawn to go to special needs college
My heart is playing up , a lot worse than normal
The car is knackered and we really need it
I am so p***ed of at the minute- so much that a brick wall at the end of our road looks tempting . No one else seems to worry about all these little problems but me - and im the one that has to sort it all out
I didnt go to group last week cos i wasnt well and totally forgot to txt - so i got charged for the week FFS !!
I wont do that again !!
Cos shawn wont get funding to go to college - I get the impression from work that maybe i would change my day shift to nights so that i can look after him in the day and go to work at night - thus saving my boss having to work the night shift - cos she hates it . I just do not want to do this . I would rather slit my wrists.
At the minute i feel as if everything is just building up on me and i dont know which way to turn.
Then I have the added pain of my family-
None of them have spoken to me for 12 weeks then 4 weeks ago they spoke- all because my daughter was getting married- so they was all nicey, now the weddding is over they are back to not talking. But what they are doing is telling my niece that my daughter is calling her a dole waller and a bad mother , which is all untrue , but you know how it is - they believed them - so that caused friction.
My eldest brother has been going around saying he has cancer and has been saying this since october last year (hes a walking bloody miracle). This is untrue , but my mum believes him !!. She wont have it any other way !!. She wont believe me when i tell her he's lying. He is living with his current partner and has been txting my ex-sister in law. Trying to worm his way in with her !!. Both he and my SIL have been getting money of my mum to buy cars and my mum keeps telling me they have paid her back - i know shes lying but she wont give me any prove - i told her that they are no better than a tarmac gang. She just shrugs and doesnt care. I know i shouldnt bother cos she will never change but i really thought that things would be good as we grew up - you know go out to lunch together , go shopping , all sort of mother/daughter stuff , but she has no intention of any of that - she loves her sons too much and both me and my sister are crap to her. She even blames me for the reason why my sister doesnt speak to her- she says it is because i have fed her a load of lies !!
The truth if (and ive told my mum) is that my sister cant be dealing with the way my mum treats us and lets her sons treat her like s**t and she loves them.
I know some will say '' well forget about 'em''... but the thing is -. I have done it all my life- I keep going back in the hope that she will change, I get kicked in the teeth and i go back for more, sad i know but that is how i feel.
I feel a little better for getting that off my chest- sorry for piling it on you guys .
I just cant be bothered at the minute. I know ive lost 4 and half stone so far , but i just feel that its taking me ages to get here and at the minute i feel like im on a bit of elastic - up and down every week !!
3 weeks of STS and then a gain of 3lb !!
Im getting the munchies a lot more, I start of really good then i go down hill.
Ive got so many worrying things happening at the minute-
council wont fund shawn to go to special needs college
My heart is playing up , a lot worse than normal
The car is knackered and we really need it
I am so p***ed of at the minute- so much that a brick wall at the end of our road looks tempting . No one else seems to worry about all these little problems but me - and im the one that has to sort it all out
I didnt go to group last week cos i wasnt well and totally forgot to txt - so i got charged for the week FFS !!
I wont do that again !!
Cos shawn wont get funding to go to college - I get the impression from work that maybe i would change my day shift to nights so that i can look after him in the day and go to work at night - thus saving my boss having to work the night shift - cos she hates it . I just do not want to do this . I would rather slit my wrists.
At the minute i feel as if everything is just building up on me and i dont know which way to turn.
Then I have the added pain of my family-
None of them have spoken to me for 12 weeks then 4 weeks ago they spoke- all because my daughter was getting married- so they was all nicey, now the weddding is over they are back to not talking. But what they are doing is telling my niece that my daughter is calling her a dole waller and a bad mother , which is all untrue , but you know how it is - they believed them - so that caused friction.
My eldest brother has been going around saying he has cancer and has been saying this since october last year (hes a walking bloody miracle). This is untrue , but my mum believes him !!. She wont have it any other way !!. She wont believe me when i tell her he's lying. He is living with his current partner and has been txting my ex-sister in law. Trying to worm his way in with her !!. Both he and my SIL have been getting money of my mum to buy cars and my mum keeps telling me they have paid her back - i know shes lying but she wont give me any prove - i told her that they are no better than a tarmac gang. She just shrugs and doesnt care. I know i shouldnt bother cos she will never change but i really thought that things would be good as we grew up - you know go out to lunch together , go shopping , all sort of mother/daughter stuff , but she has no intention of any of that - she loves her sons too much and both me and my sister are crap to her. She even blames me for the reason why my sister doesnt speak to her- she says it is because i have fed her a load of lies !!
The truth if (and ive told my mum) is that my sister cant be dealing with the way my mum treats us and lets her sons treat her like s**t and she loves them.
I know some will say '' well forget about 'em''... but the thing is -. I have done it all my life- I keep going back in the hope that she will change, I get kicked in the teeth and i go back for more, sad i know but that is how i feel.
I feel a little better for getting that off my chest- sorry for piling it on you guys .