So you wanna have a baby...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by KD, 24 October 2006 Social URL.

  1. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Here's a little FAQ to help you out!

    Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
    A: No, 35 children is enough.
    Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
    A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

    Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
    A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.
    Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
    A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

    Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
    A: Childbirth.
    Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
    A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

    Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
    A: So what's your question?
    Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
    A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him).

    Q: How long is the average woman in labour?
    A: Whatever she says divided by two.
    Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
    A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

    Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
    A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
    Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
    A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

    Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
    A: Yes, pregnancy.
    Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
    A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

    Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
    A: When you see teeth marks.
    Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
    A: When the kids are in college.

    SCORE
    0-4
    You are made for childrearing! Give up your day job and mind the neighborhood kids as well, just for fun!
    5-9
    You are demonstrating definite signs of the so called "nesting instinct". You may even be starting to look positively homely and be wearing fluffy slippers.
    10-14
    You are relatively normal, but may be entering the danger zone of cluckiness. Snap out of it before it's too late. Spend some time at a day care center for a reality check.
    15-17
    Congratulations! You have both feet firmly on the ground and are well aware of the dangerous pitfalls of childrearing!
     
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  3. Cheb

    Cheb Gold Member

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  4. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

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    Ooh so very very true!!
     
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