SOME ONE NEW IN MY LIFE...HELP!

[blufizz]

Just wanted to add my 2 cents.

I think meeting people online is just as hard as meeting someone in real life. You have to be in the right place at the right time. To me it sounds like you guys are really enjoying a good friendship online and that's a great way to start out, it's the ones who won't talk to ya unless it's in person you need to watch out for.

I met my fiance through friends but the first times I spoke to him were online. There were 3 occasions we could have met in person just by being at the same events but something always came up so one of us couldn't go. Eventually he bit the bullet and travelled 500 miles from his home in Scotland to Norfolk to meet me and see how we got on. 5 years on and we're still mad about each other.

So have faith, be safe and enjoy the tingly lovey feeling

hiya and thanks for your post...all advice welcome lol

both he and i have agreed what is developing is something slightly more than just a friendship...

but i guess it all boils down to if/when we actually meet....he may change his mind lol...or me....were both guilty(as weve found out) of over analysing situations and talking ourselves out of doing things were not sure of

...but this time i wont be doing that..im way too curious to see if we get on in real life lol....i need to know if we get on...

i cant beleive your guy came all that way!
he really must have liked what he saw online and what a step for a guy to take considering the distance!

Its funny my little sis met her fiance online too....and shes very happy!...

id like to be one of the happy stories lol...so as long as hes not some pervy weirdo whoes lied bout his height and the attraction really is mutual...itl be fine i guess

 

[Leapfrog]

I once met a guy online. Like you, we chatted online for ages and then met - and I didn't fancy him at all, which was a real let down. You think it's going to be all sparks and chemistry but sometimes it's not. Beware. But we carried on being friends for a couple of months and.....

....One day something just clicked between us and we've now been together as a couple for about 15 months. And it's wonderful!!!! I always think of the Mamas & Papas song:

Once I believed that when love came to me,
It would come with rockets, bells and poetry;
But with me and you
It just started quietly and grew

I guess what I'm trying to say is - don't be disappointed if it's not "rockets & bells" the first time you meet. You have the basis for a great friendship - it's a good way to start a relationship, but don't put too much emphasis on the physical attraction to start with.

Good luck xx

 

[blufizz]

thanks leapfrog

think ive said before i have done the whole dating site-to-real-life thing before....and i wasnt as mature back then lol....i do tend to think the negative of most things so im going into this with my eyes wide open and no rose tinted specs on lol....and in the past ive got together with guys who were gorgeous but had no personality...its not so much bout looks to me..well not toally hahaha

ive seen his pic and yes hes attractive to me but i dont tend to trust pics too much....
its the impression of him im getting from the emails that is giving me the buzz if you like...i didnt selct him from an array of available dating partners he was just a guy who wanted to chat and made me laugh..

and before anyone says it yes i am aware some men are very clever with words but so are guys in the real world....ive been schmoozed enough in real world/online to know the difference ....his wild typos and random comments kinda give him away lol.....

and anyways hes not begging to meet me or pestering me on the phone or promising to be my knight in shining armour coming to rescue me lol...
hes just comes accross as normal and chatty and funny and cheeky sometimes...well as normal as anyone can seem i guess...lol

But all the talk of "being safe" etc well its begining to worry me now....its making me very nervous...if he asks me outright im not sure if i could..... it seemed easier when i didnt know he liked me and id not told him i liked him lol...oh heck!

 

[boncuk]

Ah its all so exciting Blufizz

I think its great and especially that he isn't pressuring you too, that means he is willing to do things at your pace and I respect that in a man!

With regards to been careful....I had been chatting to my fella for a while when I finally said yes, I called him at 8am monday morning as I wanted to say hi! (god and I didnt realise how smitten I was!!) and he said what are u doing tonight, I said I dunno, he said come over lets go for dinner and I kinda said oh ok!

I drove to the place where we said we would meet, called him and he came to the car and then we went to the town centre and found somewhere to eat, we stayed there for a couple of hours chatting etc and then went back to his place to watch a movie, now reading that I sound like I was putting myself in a really bad situation, however I had given my friend all his details, name, address, phone number, place of work etc etc just incase and I stayed with him there a few hours and then drove home....he didnt try to ply me with alcohol which was good but he gave me fruit juice and we ate pizza....it was not a SW friendly date!!!

I suppose you have to do what u feel comfortable with, I guess that I had been chatting to my man for about 6 months and it just felt right...thank god he wasnt an axe murderer!

xxx

 

[blufizz]

Ah its all so exciting Blufizz

I think its great and especially that he isn't pressuring you too, that means he is willing to do things at your pace and I respect that in a man!

With regards to been careful....I had been chatting to my fella for a while when I finally said yes, I called him at 8am monday morning as I wanted to say hi! (god and I didnt realise how smitten I was!!) and he said what are u doing tonight, I said I dunno, he said come over lets go for dinner and I kinda said oh ok!

I drove to the place where we said we would meet, called him and he came to the car and then we went to the town centre and found somewhere to eat, we stayed there for a couple of hours chatting etc and then went back to his place to watch a movie, now reading that I sound like I was putting myself in a really bad situation, however I had given my friend all his details, name, address, phone number, place of work etc etc just incase and I stayed with him there a few hours and then drove home....he didnt try to ply me with alcohol which was good but he gave me fruit juice and we ate pizza....it was not a SW friendly date!!!

I suppose you have to do what u feel comfortable with, I guess that I had been chatting to my man for about 6 months and it just felt right...thank god he wasnt an axe murderer!

xxx

i think your right and ive never been one to go ahead and do something if it doesnt feel right....tho its now quite hard to recognise what is ordinary nerves or something unerving.....

when you say you knew him for a while before you met...was that chatting via emails or msn or such like? actually do you mind if i ask you a couple things in pm?

 

[jojothejo]

Hi Blufizz,

Just thought I'd add my two cents. I'm really shy normally but I broke up with my long term partner in Oct 2008. I was 22 at the time, and I'd been with him for years and years (childhood sweethearts/first love kinda thing). When we split up, I'd spent a few months focusing on myself, joined SW etc and then decided I wanted to explore internet dating.

I had two very different experiences. The first guy I started seriously getting to know was called Dan. We exchanged pictures and got to the stage you seem to be at now and we were talking about possibly arranging a meet. And then came the ominous 'I have something to tell you'. Dan turned out to be wheelchair bound. He didnt have the use of his legs but lived a pretty independant life regardless. Because I liked him, I didnt want to let that deter me from getting to know him so we went on a couple of dates. The wheelchair thing was fine, but he himself was a complete psycho. Treated me very strange, told me he loved me on a second date then didnt call for days, and when he eventually did, feigned sickness (yeah sure, you slept for three days straight). I think he must have had such a complex about being as he was, it just totally messed up how he related to women and dating. I was beginning to tire of it anyway when I met my current OH.

He added me on the dating site and I told him, thanks but I'm kind of dating someone and he said okay. Only (and I thank bob every day for this) a few weeks later (when the Dan thing was going tits up) he messaged me again and said although I was dating, we seemed to have a lot on common and could we be friends? So we chatted, and he was amazing and sweet and gorgeous and I began to see how you were supposed to be treated as opposed to how the other guy was. Needless to say, I stopped dating Dan and continued to get to know Lloyd better and after around 3 weeks of constant texting he randomly asked if I wanted to go to the cinema that night. That was 13 months ago and I've never been happier. If it feels right, you'll know, everything just sort of clicks and you just enjoy the delishousness of it. We've all got sensible heads, so if something in your gut feels like something is slightly off, listen to it. I wish I had done with Dan instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt. Alarm bells should have started ringing as soon I realised he'd been hiding a pretty big thing from me for a couple of weeks.

I told both guys I was doing slimming world, I've lost a further 3 stone since Lloyd and I have been together, but when I met him I was much smaller than I was and I was feeling good about myself. He even comes to meetings with me now, he figured he might as well seeing as he eats SW friendly meals all the time.

Just keep your wits about you and you'll be fine x x x

 

[Trolley Dolly xx]

:wavey: Hi there,

Been reading your post and its so exciting to read. As you said you got a real connection and sometimes that's hard to find. I say go for it, just be safe as the others said.
Its lovely to see how you all meet your OH and it gives me hope, for me.
Just came out of a very on/off eight year relationship with somebody who was just so selfish. Took me a while to leave but think I stayed longer as thought nobody else would want me :wave_cry::wave_cry: Sorry, feeling sorry for myself.
Intend to focus on myself for a while and then go have some fun.
Good luck Blufizz, looking forward to the next update.
I love this forum and the people who are on it.
bye for now xx

 

[blufizz]

"Hi Blufizz,

Just thought I'd add my two cents. I'm really shy normally....... ...That was 13 months ago and I've never been happier. If it feels right, you'll know, everything just sort of clicks and you just enjoy the delishousness of it. We've all got sensible heads, so if something in your gut feels like something is slightly off, listen to it......""""""
Just keep your wits about you and you'll be fine x x x

Lovley to hear even when things dont go right at first they can thern become really good

this whole thing with this guy seems to be going in reverse now tho

He got a deffinate green light from me-thought he gave me the same signal...but now all im getting is one big fat(no pun lol)red light...

Had a chat with a male friend-to get a mans point of view of the whole situation...it gave me some insight into how the male mind works but i still dont know what to do...if anything ..cos standing back and looking on how much hes cooled since sun i suspect hes found someone else hed rather chat to/meet ot whatever it is he is really looking for....

what other reason could there be for blowing sooo dam hot then all if a sudden being so distant..and all but refusing to come and chat to me in msn?...(he claimed to be too tired to chat to me yet had the energy to log onto the chat site..lol)....

his emails have gone from essays to approx 3 lines now..all very polite and friendly but empty-if you see what i mean...
i just dont understand why a guy would chase someone say the things he said to me(not me to him) and thern after agreeing tyo take things slowly change completley the way he has now?

he knows i dont wanna be told things that arnt true or led on....its like all he wanted was to flirt with me to fill some need..

im sooo confused and now quite angry!!

I wasnt looking for a man....didnt expect to find a man....and i deffo didnt want to be made to feel like a fool....sheesh men!! lol

 

[blufizz]

:wavey: Hi there,

Been reading your post and its so exciting to read. As you said you got a real connection and sometimes that's hard to find. I say go for it, just be safe as the others said.
Its lovely to see how you all meet your OH and it gives me hope, for me.
Just came out of a very on/off eight year relationship with somebody who was just so selfish. Took me a while to leave but think I stayed longer as thought nobody else would want me :wave_cry::wave_cry: Sorry, feeling sorry for myself.
Intend to focus on myself for a while and then go have some fun.
Good luck Blufizz, looking forward to the next update.
I love this forum and the people who are on it.
bye for now xx

hiya. sorry to say all is not sweet in the rose garden lol

im glad you found the strength to end your relationship....trust me you dont need a man to b someone...your perfect as you are..

as am i and this guy ive been chatting to..well he doesnt know what hes missing lol

Not sure hed be right for me if he cant be open and honest bout things....i was open with him the lesst i expected was him to do the same ...oh well we live and learn lol

 

[blufizz]

i wish you could all have seen how he chatted to me etc...cos then youd know what i mean and i wouldnt feel so stupid :sigh:

 

[*EB*]

Blufizz - dont feel like a fool - he is the fool for behaving the way he has.

I dont know the reason he has changed his mind/gone cold on you - but dont worry your pretty little head about it.

Totally his loss.

xxx

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

Thats awful, blufizz.. and i feel guilty for encouraging you almost.. it just goes to show you honestly never know someone, i dont know whats happened in his head, but even if he turned round now and said he wanted to meet and got back to his 'usual' self.. the person you got to know, i'd steer clear. No one wants someone who blows hot and cold, you needed to know where you stand and he's just faff assing about, .. im sorry your very upset and hurt, its totally understandable.. but he doesnt deserve you. Unfortunaly there are people so sad that they spend there lives letting people they meet online fall for them and then move on to fill the time they arnt able to fill with 'real' people and 'real' feelings. Some people are just sad, its very hit and miss, some are lucky and like others on here have met there OH's online, but this wasnt it for you, but dont fret.. it just means someone else is still out there, just waiting to be found. xxxxx

 

[blufizz]

Blufizz - dont feel like a fool - he is the fool for behaving the way he has.

I dont know the reason he has changed his mind/gone cold on you - but dont worry your pretty little head about it.

Totally his loss.

xxx

thats very sweet of you x

 

[blufizz]

nooo dont be silly...im a big girl il be fine lol

funnily enough he came into msn and chatted for a while earlier....totally unexpected....it was friendly and chatty...concerned bout my dental disaster lol..bit more relaxed than before....well...no kinda nervous tension from me ...

no flirting from me and i just didnt react when he did ....didnt feel like it you know...was nice to chat to him tho...then he went off to eat....

not in too much of a hurry to be asked out now....and im in same mind as you...not entirely sure i want to now....

i think il take the advice of a male friend i chat to....take a step back and let him make some of the effort....if he wants to chat he knows he can.....but if need his ego boosted well hes picked the wrong gal! lol

 

[blufizz]

BIG THANKS to all you lovely supportive ladies out there....it helped having your input....nice to share my first bit of male attention in over 5 yrs lololol...

Its not spurred me onto trying net dating tho i hasten to add...

two things ive learned bout myself from this little interlude...i couldnt see me having much trust in guys id be likley to meet on there lol..oh and the other thing....theres something bout a guy i kinda miss!

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

lets be fair, i think the majority of us share things on here that we dont neccisarly shout about to other friends.. it was lovley to know you shared with us and let us give you some advise.


((hugs)) massive massive loves to you. as your male friend suggested.. take a step back, if he wants you, he has to come get you. I was bought up an 'old fashioned girl' .. and me and my OH have that sort of relationship, he made the effort, he came to me.. now he opens doors for me and treats me very well.. and i cook and clean lol x

 

[alwyn]

I've just read this all through - sorry to hear he wasn't the person you thought he was

I'm in full agreement with Ellebear though, it's totally his loss because you're amazing!

 

[suepat10]

Awww, just caught up with this.

Sorry to hear it's dying down but as one of the others said, thank you for trusting us enough to talk to us xxx

 

[ilovelife]

hehe I know from my past experience as cheesy quavers as this sounds, my fella can when I was not wanting anyone and found contentment in my life without the feeling of needing someone!

nooo dont be silly...im a big girl il be fine lol

funnily enough he came into msn and chatted for a while earlier....totally unexpected....it was friendly and chatty...concerned bout my dental disaster lol..bit more relaxed than before....well...no kinda nervous tension from me ...

no flirting from me and i just didnt react when he did ....didnt feel like it you know...was nice to chat to him tho...then he went off to eat....

not in too much of a hurry to be asked out now....and im in same mind as you...not entirely sure i want to now....

i think il take the advice of a male friend i chat to....take a step back and let him make some of the effort....if he wants to chat he knows he can.....but if need his ego boosted well hes picked the wrong gal! lol

 

[ilovelife]

wrong snipet lol