Something of a thought record - bit long (sorry)

[Helen]

OK

As some of you know I have been really struggling lately to stick to the LL program. I had a week off then two days back on total abstinence then lost the plot today - not in a major way but enough that I will definately show a gain at Weigh-in tomorrow.

Anyway I decided to write down my problems and this is my version of a thought record. I would like anyone with any advise to please post it here for me - I am beginning to feel desperate.

This is what I wrote :

OK I am having a thought here and it could be a biggy!

2 days SSing then I go and ruin it all on the day before weigh-in. Why?

Well 3 reasons I think:
1) bought some filter coffee and want to drink it all the time. Have it
with cream and sugar and that then sets off the urge to eat other
things.
2) Will show a gain at weigh-in tomorrow anyway so what the heck
(think this is a hot thought)
3) Thinking about transferring to CD so feel like I need a pre-diet
binge - old habits die hard.

1st problem easy to solve - give DH rest of coffee for work. Done. Throw away cream. Done. Have informed him no more "real" coffee till diet over.

Here is the thought - just because the food is available it doesn't mean I have to eat it!

Lightbulb moment!

I don't have to eat the biscuits or the cheese or the chocolate. Some of it will be eaten by someone else but that doesn't matter I can buy some more in the future when I am not in abstinence. Some of it can stay here untouched until I am eating again. I do not NEED the food. The food will not help me get to goal and will not make me happy. Being in abstinence will. Costa coffee will still be there in 3 months, I do not have to go and buy some tomorrow. I do not have to have it NOW.

I have not nibbled on DD's leftover roast potatoes so that is a good start. Just a pity I didn't have this lightbulb moment several hours ago!

Great I thought - all was well for several hours then had a setback which resulted in consumption of several things though not a binge by any standards.

I then wrote:

It is only food, I put it in at 1 end and it comes out the other. Why am I wasting my time and energy thinking about it? Why is it controlling my life, it is actually about the most unimportant aspect of it.

Here I totally ran out of anything approaching rational thought and decided to see if mini's would come up trumps again and help me out.

My most urgent thoughts are

1 that I will have gained tomorrow. This is a certainty I don't know
why I am wasting energy thinking about it. I have gained since last
weigh-in 2 weeks ago and haven't lost it all yet.

2 is that I was thinking of transferring to CD and do have a meeting
set up for tomorrow after my LL meeting. My LL group only consists
of 1 other person now and she will be going into management within
the month though we will still be together until she finishes the
management program (though I still need to lose about 3 stone
more). I usually have to work later on a monday as I go in late after
my meeting which means I have to pay for nursery to pick DD up
from school then I pick her up 5.30 and take her to Brownies. This is
a pain for me and a long day for her and would be eliminated by
transferring to CD. Plus I would be saving a heap of money. However
I am unsure whether I am thinking of transferring to CD in order to
eat and whether the counselling on LL is still worth having at this
stage. I have been very dubious about this previously but given my
recent deviation from the LL path of rightiousness I am now thinking
that maybe any counselling is better than none.

Basically this has been going round and round in my head all day and is driving me to distraction. I don't know whether to go to CD meeting or cancel and hate being this "disorganised"

Any words of wisdom would be very gratefully received!

Thanks

 

[Sez]

Hi Helen,

Have read all of this with interest. Will email you asap, bit busy now as loft conversion looms. House is now full of "stuff" that needs to find a new home and Steve is a miserable ole grump right now!! LOL!!


Hang in there buddy!!

Sez
xx

 

[SandraEG]

Helen

If you do swap to CD, don't eat in between - just move from LL foodpacks to CD foodpacks. That way, you won't feel like anything has changed.

If your LLC is not offering to switch you to a proper development group, I would say go to CD rather than have a strange counselling session with just 2 of you and the other one being on management. I was in this exact same situation and it seriously led me off track. Now I am in a developers group with others who have more to lose and getting the proper counselling, I am progressing again. So - don't allow your LLC to fob you off with anything less if you do decide to stay with LL.

Good luck with your dilemma!

 

[Helen]

Hi, Thanks to you both for replying!

I went to LL meeting and had a really good counselling session - doesn't that just serve me right! Annoyed that I showed 1lb gain - if I hadn't eaten anything yesterday then that would have been gone by this morning.

I then went to CD meeting. Counsellor great and really friendly but can only offer info about diet, she is not a "counsellor" as such. I have bought the food packs from both and am giving CD a week to see what I think. Next LL meeting is only a drop in anyway as its bank holiday monday. Have switched straight from LL to CD without a gap though not in ketosis at the moment due to eating yesterday. The choc/mint shake was lovely btw!

Sandra, my LL counsellor did offer a different group for me and the ideal thing for me would be to switch to an evening LL session (but need to sort out childcare for this and not sure I will be able to). I could then sell the LL packs on ebay and use CD packs. This way I get the counselling still, save some money and have a variety of shakes and the convenience of the tetra-bricks and bars that don't make me heave (I hope they don't make me heave, I haven't actually tried one yet!) not sure how practical that arrangement is though.

The CD counsellor is happy for me to give CD a try and let her know if I want to continue it or not. I haven't mentioned any of this to my LL counsellor. At least I have a week to think about what to do and my reasons for doing it and I feel much calmer and more in control now. And hopefully the different flavours of the foodpacks will give me a boost in the meantime!

Now I am off to update my ticker with 1lb gain - sob.

 

[Sez]

Helen,

I think you are making what sounds to me, a very sensible,informed choice whilst in adult mode. This way, you are giving yourself time to think and a breathing space.

The new Cd flavours sound luvverly. I confess to getting bored with my limited LL choice, although after a two week break I should have given myself a renewed vigour! I am limited now to banana, strawberry, the occasional chocolate and a nut bar...... How dull!!

I used to have the soups, but the Thai makes me gg, and the chicken gives me heartburn. I still have an occasional mushroom but thats it....


Let us know how you get on !!!

 

[Helen]

Thanks, will do. I see that emptying the roof is going well!!!!!!!

 

[Sez]

Thanks, will do. I see that emptying the roof is going well!!!!!!!

Pretty much done now, but the house is a tip now!! Bit worried as scaffolding should have been up last Weds, but no sign. Builder (whose name really is Bob!!) due to start this Weds.......oh poop.

 

[SandraEG]

It's funny - you know. People are always going on about how bad the LL packs are. I admit that when I first started they weren't what I would have chosen to eat but, apart from caramel and raspberry, I now like them all (and those two I haven't tried in ages so who knows?). I don't bother with the fruit bars because they are tasteless but I could eat one if there wasn't anything else.

I was thinking about this the other day because I bought some CD bars from someone on the Discovery Health forum who was giving up CD and following healthy eating. I wanted to see what everyone raved about. The Malt Toffee bar was revolting and I had to throw it away. I've never had to throw away a LL bar or pack. The chocolate one had a funny aftertaste and, more worringly, led to me wanting to binge - firstly by having asecond bar.

Anyway, CD is definitely not for me after this experience. But I totally support you doing what is best for you, Helen!

I am just saying that I'm a bit mystified when people say the LL packs are really bad or make them gag. Maybe I'm just a dustbin who'll eat anything but I do really truly enjoy mine at the moment...

 

[In search of me]

Can relate to the difficulty of dilemmas! If the councelling is going well then I wonder of CD a good idea but I can also understand your reasons...The LL packs are "interesting" but I suspect than ANY pack looses its appeal after a while! I am now down to 4 - banana, choc, vanilla & strawberry & thats it! The other advantage of LL is that you get 4 packs a day as opposed to 3! More cals in the CD ones I think?! I hope you resolve this for yourself & feel more you soon! Keep us updated. Big hugs for you!

 

[Helen]

Hmm I am now feeling quite chilled out and back in control (whatever that means!) and feel that I am in an adult state of mind.

My reactions on day one of CD is that I will probably go back to LL. However I have bought enough CD packs for 9 days seeing as next mon is a bank holiday and will see CD through for that long. I wasn't that impressed by the choc bar I had for tea, still had some of the slimy texture I dislike so intensely with LL though it was nicer and it did grow on me although I didn't like it enough that I was tempted by another one - something I was a bit worried about. Its early days anyway and for whatever reason I haven't been tempted to cheat today. There is certainly a disadvantage with CD only having 3 packs - I did split my bar to try and counteract this but am missing my evening choc & forest fruits foodpack! How sad is that!

ISOM - I think a size goal rather than a weight goal is an excellent idea!

Sandra - I am one of the people who finds some of the LL foodpacks makes me gag I am afraid. The caramel is the only sweet shake that does this and thats association rather than anything wrong with the shake itself - in the early days I took caramel to work everyday and its the association with the lumps thats makes me gag now. Soups I find too powdery but its the bars I really have the problem with. I suppose I could drink more than the 3 sweet shakes that I usually have but there are only the three I particularly like. I have just done 30 weeks on LL and as ISOM says, after a while they are all going to get boring!