Soooooo furious!


I am one of the 63336
S: 20st3lb C: 20st3lb G: 12st7lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
I'm sorry for this rant but I am angrier than I have EVER been!

I separated from my son's father in 2000. He had only just started work after being off with depression and the CSA worked out he only had to pay a small amount of child maintenance which he was paying directly to me.

Over the years his pay has increased quite a bit but his repayments didn't. He had quite a few nice holidays etc and money has never been a problem to him. I've worked to support my son but it has always been a struggle.

I spoke to him about increasing payments but he wouldn't so in the Autumn I contacted the CSA and they've finally agreed to do a reassessment.

Around October time I got a text from my son's dad asking if I'd been in touch with the CSA - obviously I said yes.

Since then he has not seen our son (he has always claimed to be working) and only speaks to him when my son makes the call. Even if my son leaves an answerphone message the most his dad will do is email him back.

I want to book a holiday in August so text his dad to find out if he had any plans for the summer holidays with our son. He text back to say he is not going to book time off in the school holidays anymore. I rung to find out when he intends to see his son. His reply was 'never'.

To cut a long conversation short, he is angry that I 'didn't have the balls to tell him I'd contacted the CSA'. That I've 'used people all my life' and that he has told our son that he is not seeing him because of 'issues' between us! I said that whatever he has the a**e about, he is punishing our son (who is only 11) which isn't fair. He said he isn't interested and he is 100% adamant that he is never going to see our son again.

He has since emailed to say that he has removed me and our son from his mobile, email and Facebook. We're to do the same and from now on (even giving the date and time in the email) all contact has to be 'via the authorities'.

I've sat down and had a chat with my son. He was a little upset but then said he didn't really enjoy the time with his dad and that his dad was always saying nasty things about me. His dad has always put his work before his son ie 'having' to work overtime even when his son was desparate to see him.

What sort of man can treat his son like that?

Sorry for the rant. I have male friends who have been hung out to dry by their ex's and would never have done that but all I wanted was a bit of fair play.
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Gold Member
S: 16st6lb C: 9st6lb G: 9st6lb BMI: 24.1 Loss: 7st0lb(42.61%)
It must be tough but to be honest I wouldn't want my sone to be with someone who doesn't want him anyway.
((Hugs to you))


Mad old Bat with Attitude
S: 14st5lb
What a tosser! (I daredn't put the word I thought of). Sounds like you are well rid of him. At least you have the satisfaction of knowing your son didn't really enjoy being with him. Perhaps he will be able to relax more now.


Full Member
S: 13st2lb C: 12st8.5lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 29.4 Loss: 0st7.5lb(4.08%)
Hi Suepat. My hubby left me with 2 kids, one of whom was a boy the same age as your son is now, 16 years ago. Whilst he did see them, he made it quite clear that it was on his terms only and only when he had nothing better to do with his new family (he married someone who already had 3 kids of their own).

TBH, your son is probably better off just being with you than spending time with a parent who isn't really interested. Kids adapt surprisingly well and although I never said a bad word about my ex to the kids, they worked it all out for themselves. They're 27 and 23 now and are both happy, well-adjusted adults, and I'm sure your son will be as well with a Mum like you.

Having said all that, I'd be incandescent with anger if I was you. Who's the adult here? Your ex certainly isn't behaving like one!!!

Hope you didn't mind me poking my nose in, but I just thought "been there, done that, got the t-shirt" and I know exactly what you're going through.


I am one of the 63336
S: 20st3lb C: 20st3lb G: 12st7lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
Thank you all so very much xx

My son thinks the world of my partner - we've been living together since the summer - and can talk to him about everything. He also knows he can talk to his teacher and my parents and my partners parents and just about whoever he wants to. I've also explained to him he doesn't have to tell me about these conversations - he has to do whatever makes him happy.

Once again, thank you so much xx